Chapter 31 Summary: “Anyways, Like I Was Saying”
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens with the narrator walking into the gym alongside Clifton, who trails two steps behind her. She immediately reflects on how his presence changes her sense of herself: his attention makes her feel pretty, and she realizes he sees her in a way she never thought she wanted to be seen. This is a significant admission—she hadn't previously imagined wanting anyone's eyes on her.
The narrator draws a direct comparison between Clifton's gaze and the way other boys look at Lay Li. Because she recognizes that look, she expects Lay Li to understand when the two of them walk in together. This expectation suggests the narrator believes her relationship with Clifton is legible to others, particularly to Lay Li, who is accustomed to being the object of male attention.
As they enter, cheerleaders pass by in orange and green outfits. Their pom-poms are small and flurry, bouncing like sparklers—but only visible to anyone with enough patience to look closely. This detail is not incidental; it sets up the chapter's central moment.
Clifton stops and looks at the narrator very closely. She stops walking, her mouth open. He tells her that her eyes are like diamonds, and she wants to smile.
The chapter ends on that impulse—the desire to smile—rather than the smile itself, leaving the moment suspended.
Key Events
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The narrator and Clifton enter the gym together, with Clifton walking two steps behind her.
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The narrator reflects that Clifton's attention makes her feel pretty and that he sees her in a way she never thought she wanted to be seen.
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She compares Clifton's gaze to the way boys look at Lay Li and expects Lay Li to understand their arrival together.
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Cheerleaders pass by in orange and green, their small pom-poms bouncing like sparklers.
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Clifton looks at the narrator closely; she stops walking with her mouth open.
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Clifton compliments her eyes, comparing them to diamonds.
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The narrator wants to smile but the chapter ends before she does.
Character Development
The narrator's interiority is the focus of this brief chapter. Her self-worth is clearly tied to being seen—Clifton's attention makes her feel pretty, a feeling she hasn't experienced before. The comparison to Lay Li is telling: the narrator is used to observing Lay Li receive male attention, and now she is on the receiving end herself. Her expectation that Lay Li will understand suggests both a desire for validation from her peer and a belief that her new status is obvious.
The narrator's physical reaction—stopping mid-walk, mouth open—shows how unprepared she is for a direct compliment. She wants to smile but doesn't yet, which suggests a guardedness or disbelief. The chapter captures a moment of vulnerability and tentative joy.
Clifton is characterized through his actions: he walks behind her, looks at her closely, and offers a compliment. His positioning two steps behind her is notable—he's not leading her, but following, which could suggest attentiveness or deference.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Self-worth through being seen. The narrator's sense of prettiness is entirely dependent on Clifton's gaze. She hasn't felt pretty before because no one has looked at her this way. This theme connects to the broader novel's exploration of how young women derive identity from external validation.
Romantic attention as validation. Clifton's compliment functions as a form of affirmation that the narrator has been lacking. The chapter suggests that being desired is a kind of proof of worth.
Peer comparison with Lay Li. The narrator measures her experience against Lay Li's. She expects Lay Li to recognize the parallel between how boys look at Lay Li and how Clifton looks at her. This comparison reveals the narrator's internalized sense of hierarchy—she has been watching Lay Li receive attention and now wants to be seen in the same way.
Cheerleading imagery. The cheerleaders' orange and green outfits and small pom-poms are described as flurry globes that bounce like sparklers, but only visible to anyone with enough patience to look closely. This detail mirrors the chapter's central action: Clifton looks closely at the narrator, seeing something others might miss. The imagery suggests that beauty and attention require patience to perceive.
Compliments as affirmation. The diamond comparison is a classic compliment, but its power here comes from its rarity in the narrator's experience. The fact that she wants to smile—but doesn't yet—shows how unfamiliar this kind of affirmation is to her.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter is a turning point in the narrator's emotional arc. It marks the first time she experiences romantic attention as something directed at her, rather than at Lay Li. The chapter establishes Clifton as a source of validation and sets up the narrator's growing investment in his regard. The Lay Li comparison also foreshadows potential tension: if the narrator expects Lay Li to understand, there may be complications ahead if that understanding doesn't materialize.
The chapter's brevity and its focus on a single moment of connection make it a quiet but significant beat in the novel's verse structure. It shows how a single compliment can reshape a person's sense of self, and it sets the stage for the narrator's evolving relationships with both Clifton and Lay Li.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does the narrator expect Lay Li to understand when she and Clifton walk in together?
The narrator observes that Clifton looks at her the way other boys look at Lay Li. Because she has seen Lay Li receive that kind of attention, she assumes Lay Li will recognize the parallel and understand what is happening between the narrator and Clifton. This expectation reveals the narrator's belief that her new relationship is visible and legible to others.
2. What role does the cheerleader imagery play in this chapter?
The cheerleaders' small pom-poms are described as bouncing like sparklers, but only visible to anyone with enough patience to look closely. This detail mirrors the chapter's central moment: Clifton looks at the narrator closely and sees something in her eyes that others might overlook. The imagery suggests that attention—whether to pom-poms or to a person—requires deliberate focus.
3. How does the narrator's reaction to Clifton's compliment reveal her self-perception?
The narrator stops walking, her mouth open, and wants to smile but doesn't. This reaction suggests she is unused to direct compliments and uncertain how to respond. Her desire to smile indicates the compliment lands positively, but her hesitation shows that this kind of affirmation is unfamiliar. The chapter captures a moment of tentative joy from someone who hasn't been seen this way before.