Chapter 35 Summary: My Big Cousin Inga Asks Me
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens with the narrator’s big cousin Inga asking a pointed question: “Who you playing small for?” The narrator pretends not to understand, but the question clearly lands. Inga is the tallest woman in the family at five foot eleven, and she coaches a summer basketball league for young children. She has been training the narrator since noticing her ball-handling skills back in fourth grade, and she hasn’t let her drop the ball since.
The question, the narrator realizes, means she doesn’t get to slink into corners or find a home in the shadow—especially not when there’s a court nearby. Inga attends Downtown Community College and talks to Essa almost every day, but their relationship is strained. Sometimes their arguments get so big that Essa screams into the phone, and then weeks pass before Inga visits. When Inga does come by, she often waits for Essa to return from her classes at State, sitting on the porch or on the hood of her mother’s car. She tells the narrator that she loves Essa but doesn’t like her, and that if they weren’t related, they probably wouldn’t be around each other at all.
When Inga is at the house, the two go straight to the court for one-on-one games. Inga corrects the narrator’s play—hitting the ball out of her hand if she’s sloppy, kicking at her planted feet, and shaking her head while reminding her to play defense. Inga calls her “Lil’,” and that nickname makes the narrator feel like she’s someone’s sister, like she’s not out there on her own, and like everything she does matters to someone else. That realization shifts something inside her: she begins to play for keeps. On the court, there is no mercy. She is a baller, and she doesn’t care who is bothered by the space she takes up.
Key Events
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Inga asks the narrator who she is “playing small” for, and the narrator pretends not to understand.
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The narrator reflects on Inga’s background: tallest woman in the family, summer basketball coach, and her trainer since fourth grade.
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The meaning of the question becomes clear: the narrator can’t hide in corners or shadows when a court is nearby.
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Inga’s relationship with Essa is complicated—they talk almost daily but often argue, leading to weeks without visits.
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Inga waits for Essa at the house, sitting on the porch or on the hood of her mother’s car.
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Inga confesses that she loves Essa but doesn’t like her, and that they wouldn’t be friends if not for family ties.
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Inga and the narrator go to the court for one-on-one play, where Inga coaches and corrects the narrator’s defense.
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Inga calls the narrator “Lil’,” which makes her feel connected and accountable.
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The narrator resolves to play for keeps and to take up space without concern.
Character Development
This chapter marks a turning point for the narrator. She begins by pretending not to understand Inga’s question, but the question forces her to confront her tendency to shrink. Through Inga’s coaching and the nickname “Lil’,” the narrator gains a sense of belonging and purpose. She moves from passive avoidance to active self-assertion, declaring herself a baller who won’t apologize for the space she occupies.
Inga emerges as a mentor figure who offers tough love. She doesn’t coddle the narrator; instead, she pushes her to play harder and smarter. Inga’s own complicated relationship with Essa adds depth to her character—she is loyal to family even when she doesn’t like them, and she shows up for the narrator in ways she can’t for Essa. The narrator’s growth is tied directly to Inga’s belief in her, and the nickname “Lil’” becomes a symbol of that bond.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
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Playing small vs. taking up space: The central theme. Inga’s question challenges the narrator to stop hiding and claim her presence, especially on the basketball court.
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Basketball as empowerment: The court is a place where the narrator can be unapologetically herself. It’s where she learns to play for keeps and to own her space.
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Family mentorship: Inga serves as a coach and older-sister figure, providing guidance that the narrator doesn’t get elsewhere.
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Tough love: Inga’s corrections—hitting the ball away, kicking at feet—are harsh but caring. They show that love can be expressed through discipline.
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Complicated family relationships: Inga’s love-hate dynamic with Essa illustrates that family bonds aren’t always simple, but they still matter.
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Self-worth and visibility: The narrator’s decision to take up space reflects a growing sense of self-worth and a refusal to be invisible.
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Belonging: Being called “Lil’” gives the narrator a sense of sisterhood and connection, reinforcing that she belongs to someone.
Why This Chapter Matters
Chapter 35 is pivotal because it crystallizes the narrator’s internal shift from shrinking to claiming her space. Inga’s question directly challenges the narrator’s tendency to play small, and the basketball court becomes the arena where she learns to be bold. The chapter also deepens the novel’s exploration of family relationships, showing that love and dislike can coexist, and that mentorship can come from unexpected places. For the narrator, this is the moment she decides to play for keeps—not just in basketball, but in life. It sets the stage for her to carry this newfound confidence forward.
Study Questions and Answers
1. What does Inga’s question “Who you playing small for?” mean to the narrator, and how does she respond initially?
The question challenges the narrator to stop hiding and take up space. Initially, she pretends not to understand, but the question stays with her and leads to a change in mindset. By the end of the chapter, she embraces the idea of playing for keeps and not caring who is bothered by her presence.
2. How does Inga’s relationship with Essa affect the narrator’s experience?
Inga’s strained relationship with Essa means her visits are sporadic, but when she does come, she focuses on the narrator. The narrator sees that family bonds can be complicated—Inga loves Essa but doesn’t like her—yet Inga still shows up for the narrator. This teaches the narrator that family support isn’t always perfect, but it can still be meaningful.
3. What role does the nickname “Lil’” play in the narrator’s development?
Being called “Lil’” makes the narrator feel connected and accountable, as if she is someone’s sister. It reinforces that her actions matter to someone else, which motivates her to play seriously and take up space. The nickname becomes a symbol of belonging and self-worth.