Chapter summaries Self-Portrait with Nothing Aimee Pokwatka

Chapter 15 Summary, Analysis, and Key Themes

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Pepper spends the day inside the slaughterhouse, moving among the alternate versions of Ula who have gathered there. She is determined to tell them apart, and each one reveals a different life path. Blue, an art teacher, shows Pepper a drawing of her daughter Frida, who resembles Pepper but keeps her hair short. Blue explains that she tried to fly home after being pulled into this universe, but eventually returned when news of Ula's disappearance broke. Ursula, a former story artist, shows Pepper a flip-book about a girl from another dimension; the girl's image becomes warped near the end. Key, who has a skeleton key tattoo, ignores Pepper's questions and does pull-ups on the slaughterhouse rail. Compact, a photographer in her own universe, applies lipstick to Pepper and mentions that Ula told each of them she sold her self-portraits, but none of them have found a single one. Talons, a choreographer, tells Pepper that a woman cannot be both a great artist and a good mother. Another Ula, who grew up in Vermont after her parents died, explains that she and another version diverged earliest from the others. Specs, who wears thick glasses, refuses to discuss her home universe and tells Pepper she should be grateful for what she has. Boot, a painter, reveals that in her universe she did not keep her pregnancy and became successful; she also tells Pepper that Ula Zero told the others Pepper died at birth. Boot mentions that the displaced Ulas deteriorate over time.

The next morning, the Ulas assign tasks. Ursula leaves to research the Central Post Office, Vermont goes to the library to print news reports about Ula, and Compact and Talons set out to surveil two Everett Group members staying in the Old Town. Compact returns almost immediately, chased, and slams the rolling door shut. The Ulas scatter into the cellar, leaving only Ula Zero, Key, and Pepper above. Christian storms in, wearing a new Fair Isle sweater. Key runs to distract him, and Ula Zero pushes Pepper out to a waiting Volkswagen bus. Pepper drives, though she is terrified and worried about legality. They abandon the bus in the Old Town, buy disguises, and take a public bus to a residential neighborhood. Ula Zero leads Pepper to a sparse, modern apartment, where she admits she told the other Ulas that Pepper was dead to protect her. She claims she has thought of Pepper every day and touches her hair, but Pepper feels only anger. After Ula falls asleep, Pepper explores the apartment, drinks a beer, and reads an academic article about the limits of diagnosing ancient diseases, which concludes that the full picture of any lost population can never be truly known.

Key Events

  • Pepper interviews each alternate Ula, learning their divergent histories and professions.
  • Blue shows Pepper a drawing of her daughter Frida, who resembles Pepper.
  • Compact reveals that Ula Zero told each Ula she sold her self-portraits, but none have been located.
  • Boot tells Pepper that Ula Zero claimed Pepper died at birth, and that the Ulas deteriorate over time.
  • The Ulas assign surveillance and research tasks focused on the Everett Group and the Central Post Office.
  • Compact is chased back to the slaughterhouse, forcing the group to barricade.
  • Christian enters the building; Key distracts him while Ula Zero and Pepper escape in a VW bus.
  • Pepper drives the bus, then they abandon it and take a public bus to an apartment.
  • Ula Zero admits she lied about Pepper's death to protect her and says she has thought of her daily.
  • Pepper waits until Ula sleeps, then explores, drinks beer, and reads an academic article on ancient disease.

Character Development

Pepper's emotional state becomes more complex in this chapter. She is angry at Ula Zero for lying about her death and for never contacting her, but she also recognizes that her anger stems partly from wanting the lie to be true. She reflects on how she has spent years protecting herself from caring about Ula, and now that Ula offers affection, Pepper feels numb. This self-awareness marks a shift from her earlier confusion and resentment. Ula Zero, meanwhile, shows a vulnerable side: she is exhausted, touches Pepper's hair, and claims she has never stopped thinking about her. Yet her behavior remains manipulative—she withholds information, lies to the other Ulas, and insists on secrecy. The alternate Ulas themselves are portrayed as individuals with distinct personalities and histories, but they are united by a common enemy and a shared sense of displacement. Boot's confession about not keeping her pregnancy and becoming successful forces Pepper to confront the possibility that her own existence may have limited Ula's life, adding a layer of guilt to her anger.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

The chapter deepens the theme of multiverse and alternate selves by showing how each Ula diverged at a different point in life. Blue's daughter Frida, for example, is a version of Pepper who grew up with a different mother, and Boot's universe contains no Pepper at all. This reinforces the idea that identity is contingent on choices and circumstances. The self-portrait remains a key artifact: the Ulas believe it is connected to their ability to return home, and Compact's search for it suggests it may hold power over their existence. The motif of deterioration appears explicitly when Boot says the displaced Ulas degrade over time, linking physical decay to the erasure of identity. Mother-daughter estrangement is central, as Pepper's interactions with Ula Zero are charged with resentment and longing. The theme of secrecy and protection is also prominent: Ula Zero lies about Pepper's death to shield her, but the lie also isolates Pepper and fuels her distrust. Finally, the academic article about ancient disease introduces the theme of the limits of knowledge—just as archaeologists cannot fully reconstruct a lost population, Pepper cannot fully understand Ula or her own place in the multiverse.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is pivotal because it reveals the extent of Ula Zero's manipulation and the emotional stakes for Pepper. The revelation that Ula told the other Ulas Pepper was dead—and that Boot's universe had no Pepper at all—forces Pepper to question her own significance and the cost of her existence. The chapter also advances the plot by introducing the Everett Group as a concrete threat and showing the Ulas' coordinated efforts to recover the self-portrait. The escape from Christian raises the tension and demonstrates that the group is actively hunted. Finally, Pepper's reading of the academic article on ancient disease mirrors her own situation: she is trying to understand a fragmented past, but she must accept that some truths may remain inaccessible. This sets up the novel's broader meditation on the impossibility of complete knowledge and the necessity of living with uncertainty.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Ula Zero tell the other Ulas that Pepper died at birth?

Ula Zero claims she did it to protect Pepper. She fears that some of the other Ulas, who are missing their own versions of Pepper, might bring chaos into Pepper's life if they knew she existed. However, the lie also serves Ula's need for control and secrecy, and it deepens Pepper's sense of abandonment.

2. How does Boot's revelation affect Pepper's understanding of her own existence?

Boot tells Pepper that in her universe, she did not keep the pregnancy and became a successful painter. This makes Pepper realize that there are universes where she was never born, and that Ula may have been better off without her. Pepper feels a wave of erasure and begins to question whether her presence has limited Ula's life, adding guilt to her existing anger.

3. What does the academic article about ancient disease symbolize in the context of the chapter?

The article argues that the true prevalence of any phenomenon can never be fully assessed when a population is lost to time. This mirrors Pepper's struggle to understand Ula and the multiverse: she can gather fragments of information, but she will never see the complete picture. It also reflects the novel's theme that some truths are inherently unknowable, and that one must proceed with humility.

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