Leave Me Behind, Chapter 20: Kapitel 19 – Nell Takes Control

Spoiler Notice
This summary and analysis contain major spoilers for Leave Me Behind, Chapter 20. If you have not read the chapter, proceed with caution.

Summary

Nell, embedded as a trainee in an enemy unit under the callsign 874, endures two weeks of inactivity while her former team laughs with her replacement. She fights the urge to kill Bradshaw repeatedly, waiting for the order to strike. During a second training mission in the Rocky Mountains, Nell’s assigned partner feeds her coordinates. She shoots the enemy sniper with a paint round, then targets Bradshaw (“Bones”) in the helmet. She proceeds to eliminate Ian, Pete, Harrison, and Jefferson, sparing only Eren, who laughs at his own squad. The kills are training marks, but the message is clear: Nell has broken the mission and is no longer playing by the rules. A conversation with 874 reveals Nell’s cold acceptance of killing, recalling Jenkins’ lesson that the way to break a man is to take away what he loves.

Key Events

Nell is partnered with a soldier she calls 874, who has developed feelings for her; she cannot remember his name.
She observes Bradshaw from a distance, noticing he looks exhausted and unkempt since she left.
Nell recalls Jenkins’ old lesson about breaking a person: earn their trust, then take away what they love.
She kills the enemy sniper with a paint round, then shoots Bradshaw in the helmet, eliminating him from the exercise.
Continuing her rampage, she takes out Ian, Pete, Harrison, and Jefferson in rapid succession.
Nell spares Eren because he is laughing at his own team’s misfortune.
874 asks how many people Nell has killed; she responds with no count and no remorse, explaining that it’s “them or you.”
874 asks about the Riøt Squad’s black bullets; Nell confirms the rumor, unsettling him further.
Nell smiles cruelly as she watches Bradshaw still lying on the ground.

Character Development

Nell / Gallows: This chapter solidifies Nell’s capacity for cold, calculated violence. She suppresses any lingering attachment to Bradshaw, executing a training massacre that demonstrates her skill and her emotional detachment. Her recollection of Jenkins shows her deep-seated belief that breaking someone requires destroying what they cherish. She shows no guilt, only satisfaction.
Bradshaw (“Bones”): Though absent from Nell’s immediate circle, his weariness and continued scanning of the woods suggest he is actively searching for her. He is not shown to be broken, but Nell’s attack confirms that she sees him as a target.
874: A peripheral character, he represents the “normal” soldier who is shocked by Nell’s ruthlessness. His fear and awe reveal how far outside the moral norm Nell operates.
Jenkins (flashback): The mentor who taught Nell the philosophy of breaking enemies. His influence is the intellectual core of Nell’s actions in this chapter.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Betrayal and Trust: Jenkins’ lesson frames the entire chapter: Nell feels betrayed by her old squad, so she in turn breaks their trust by attacking them. The motif of “taking away what he loves” is embodied in Nell eliminating Bradshaw and his team.
Dehumanization through Numbers: Nell refers to her partner only by the number 874, and she reduces Bradshaw to a target. This motif reflects the dehumanizing effect of combat and her own internal numbness.
Training as Reality: The paint rounds blur the line between exercise and real violence. Nell’s lethal precision suggests that for her, the training is indistinguishable from actual combat, emphasizing her readiness to kill.
The Absence of Remorse: Nell’s flat “no” when asked if killing bothers her reinforces the theme of emotional desensitization. The chapter challenges the reader to reckon with a protagonist who feels no guilt.

Why This Chapter Matters

Chapter 20 marks a turning point in Nell’s arc. She fully embraces the identity of Gallows, the assassin shaped by Jenkins. The training massacre is not just a power play; it signals that Nell will not passively wait for orders. She takes decisive action to humiliate Bradshaw and assert her dominance. The chapter deepens the mystery of her past and sets up a confrontation that is no longer theoretical. It also establishes that Nell’s allegiances are fluid – she serves herself and her own code, not any faction.

Study Questions and Answers

Question: What lesson does Nell recall from Jenkins, and how does she apply it in this chapter?
Answer: Jenkins taught Nell that to break a man you must gain his trust and then take away what he loves. Nell applies this by targeting Bradshaw’s team and his replacement sniper, removing the people he relies on, thereby “breaking” him emotionally.
Question: Why does Nell spare Eren during the shooting spree?
Answer: Nell sees Eren laughing at his own squad’s incompetence. She finds his amusement relatable and does not consider him a threat worthy of elimination at that moment. It also hints that Eren might share some of her dark sense of humor.
Question: How does 874’s reaction to Nell’s actions serve the narrative?
Answer: 874’s shock and fear highlight how abnormal and terrifying Nell is compared to ordinary soldiers. His character functions as a stand-in for the reader, allowing Moronova to show the moral distance between Nell and a typical recruit, while also feeding exposition (the black bullets rumor) that deepens Nell’s backstory.