Symbols I'll Show Myself Out Jessi Klein

The Butterfly Symbol in I'll Show Myself Out

What the Butterfly Literally Is

In Chapter 2 of I'll Show Myself Out, Jessi Klein purchases a butterfly kit from a children's museum, hoping to teach her son Asher about nature and prove her maternal competence. The kit contains a small caterpillar that Asher names "Buster," housed in a clear plastic tube lined with food. The caterpillar appears repulsive to Klein—she describes its rubbery body and dotty face with revulsion. Over several weeks, Buster remains stagnant, causing Klein anxiety. Eventually Buster forms a chrysalis and emerges as a small orange-and-black butterfly, likely a monarch or moth. The family releases it in their backyard after Asher encourages it to fly. Later, while walking near a reservoir, Klein finds an identical dead butterfly at her feet. That dead butterfly becomes the second appearance of the symbol.

Recurrence and Narrative Placement

The butterfly appears only within Chapter 2, but its emotional resonance extends beyond. The narrative follows the entire lifecycle: purchase, waiting, emergence, release, and post-release discovery. Klein's solo work trip to New York interrupts the waiting period, and the dead butterfly finds her weeks or months after release. The symbol recurs in the final image of a small orange butterfly dying at the reservoir, a moment that crystallizes Klein's reflections on transformation and encouragement.

Changes in Meaning Across the Narrative

The butterfly's meaning shifts dramatically over the course of the chapter. Initially, the kit represents Klein's hope to be a good mother—to provide a wholesome educational experience. She imagines a commercial-like scene of bonding. When Buster seems inert, the caterpillar becomes a mirror of her own stagnation. Klein projects onto Buster her feelings of being trapped in motherhood, marriage, and Los Angeles. She worries he is depressed, just as she feels depressed.

When Buster finally emerges, the butterfly symbolizes successful transformation and the relief that nature's process works despite human anxiety. The release moment is bittersweet: Asher's simple encouragement "You can do it, Buster" prompts the butterfly to fly, and Klein weeps. The butterfly then becomes a symbol of the child's growing awareness and the mother's realization that her son is paying attention to her lessons.

The dead butterfly at the reservoir transforms the symbol again. Klein interprets its appearance as a reminder—perhaps from the universe—about the possibility of change and the need for encouragement. The butterfly dies at her feet, suggesting that transformation does not guarantee a happy ending; it can also signify acceptance of mortality and the cyclical nature of life. Klein's final reflection—"Maybe he just wanted to encourage me"—recasts the butterfly as an agent of emotional support rather than a passive object.

Character and Theme Connections

  • Jessi Klein : The butterfly is a direct projection of Klein's identity crisis. She feels "trapped" and "desperate for freedom." Her obsession with Buster's progress mirrors her own desire for personal transformation. The dead butterfly becomes a message she gives herself about moving forward.

  • Asher : His role is crucial. He names Buster, checks on him, and delivers the encouragement that releases the butterfly. Klein is astonished that he understood the concept of encouragement. This moment demonstrates Klein's growing recognition that her son is learning from her, which deepens her sense of maternal responsibility.

  • Mike, Lucy, and others: Mike is portrayed as indifferent to Buster, assuming everything will be fine. This contrast highlights Klein's hypervigilance and her belief that she carries the emotional weight of the household.

  • Theme of Motherhood as Hero's Journey : The butterfly encapsulates the hero's arc: a call to adventure (buying the kit), a period of isolation and struggle (waiting), a transformation (emergence), and a return with a boon (the release and later insight). Klein explicitly compares her motherhood experience to the hero's journey in Chapter 1, and the butterfly chapter dramatizes that arc.

  • Theme of Maternal Exhaustion and Guilt: Klein's fixation on Buster arises from her guilt about not being present enough. She berates herself for glancing at her phone or using a snarky tone. The butterfly project becomes a test of her worth as a mother.

  • Theme of Identity Transformation : Both Klein and Buster undergo change. Klein's solo trip to New York allows her to revisit her pre-mother self, but she finds that self inaccessible. The butterfly's emergence parallels Klein's slow acceptance of her new identity.

  • Theme of Societal Expectations of Mothers : Klein feels pressure to be an "earth mother" and to teach her son correctly. The butterfly kit is a performance of good parenting, yet the reality is messy and controlled.

  • Theme of Aging and Self-Acceptance : The dead butterfly forces Klein to confront mortality. In later chapters (e.g., "Eulogy for My Feet"), she accepts the wear and tear of midlife. The butterfly symbol foreshadows that acceptance.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does the butterfly represent Klein's own desire for transformation?

The butterfly mirrors Klein's wish to change her stagnant life. She rushes Buster to become a chrysalis, just as she longs to shed her maternal depression and regain a sense of freedom. The dead butterfly at the reservoir leads her to reflect that transformation is always possible, even if it ends in death or acceptance. Klein's final line—"Maybe he just wanted to encourage me"—shows that she internalizes the butterfly as a sign to keep going.

2. What does Asher's role in encouraging Buster reveal about Klein's perception of her son?

When Asher says "You can do it, Buster," Klein realizes he has been paying attention to her teaching about encouragement. She feels both proud and guilty, aware that she often fails to be present. The moment reveals that Klein sees Asher as already compassionate and perceptive. It also reinforces the theme that children absorb more than parents realize, deepening Klein's sense of responsibility.

3. What message does Klein find in the dead butterfly at the reservoir?

Klein interprets the dead butterfly as a deliberate message—perhaps from Buster—to remind her that freedom and change are attainable. She notes that the butterfly "landed directly in front of my toes" and stopped moving. The final interpretation is that it came to encourage her. This suggests Klein is finally willing to receive the support she longs for, even from an unlikely source.

4. How does the butterfly motif connect to the theme of motherhood as a hero's journey?

The butterfly's lifecycle parallels Joseph Campbell's hero's journey, which Klein applies to motherhood in Chapter 1. The call is buying the kit; the ordeal is waiting through the stagnancy; the transformation is the emergence; the release is the return with a boon—the realization that encouragement matters. The dead butterfly represents the "return threshold" where the hero must integrate the boon into ordinary life, accepting both glory and mortality.