Asher: The Catalyst of Transformation in Jessi Klein's I'll Show Myself Out

Overview

Asher is the young son of author Jessi Klein in her 2022 memoir I'll Show Myself Out. He appears throughout the book as a toddler through early elementary age, serving not as a fully realized character with his own arc but as the primary catalyst for Klein's reflections on motherhood. Asher’s daily struggles—potty training, picky eating, sensory sensitivities, and difficulty with transitions—force Klein to confront her own exhaustion, guilt, and shifting identity. He is portrayed with affection and frustration, a real child who resists costumes, clings to his mother’s leg, and refuses vegetables, yet also charms her with his resilience and gradual growth.

Plot Role

Asher’s presence drives nearly every chapter. In the opening essay, a trip to buy his favorite “Nom-Nom” cookies sparks Klein’s realization that motherhood is a hidden hero’s journey. Later chapters chronicle potty training in a Starbucks bathroom, the failed attempt to serve asparagus risotto, and the chaos of Halloween costumes. He is also the reason Klein hires night nurses, creates “little books” to ease transitions, and finds herself screaming in the car seat. His actions—refusing food, rejecting costumes, clinging to her leg—are not plot moves he chooses, but they generate the emotional and thematic content of the memoir. Without Asher, there would be no story.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Asher’s motivations are typical of a young child: comfort, control, and security. He dislikes new foods because they threaten his safe repertoire of bread, cheese, and bananas. He clings to Klein because separation feels dangerous. He rejects Halloween costumes because the fabric or hat feels wrong. These are not deliberate rebellions but expressions of sensory sensitivity and anxiety. Evidence from the “Demon Halloween” chapter shows him running from a fireman costume and hiding; the next year he willingly wears a homemade robot costume, indicating that when he feels in control and the costume is familiar, he participates. Similarly, in “Bread and Cheese,” he refuses risotto not out of spite but out of fear of the unknown—a trait Klein traces to her own “pessimistic little genes” and “inherited Jewish trauma.” His clinginess in “Somewhere over the Rainbow” is so intense that Klein has to pry his fingers off her leg while she uses the bathroom. These actions reveal a child who craves predictability and struggles with change.

Chronological Arc

Asher ages from infancy to about age five and a half over the course of the memoir. In the earliest chapters, he is a baby who needs constant care (the butterfly kit, the car seat struggles). By the potty-training episode (around age two), he is a toddler terrified of the toilet. The food battles occur when he is five and a half. The Halloween chapters span multiple years: first Halloween as a four-month-old bear, second as a reluctant pumpkin, third as a rejected fireman, fourth as a robot mistaken for a trash can, and finally, after transferring to a new preschool, he marches proudly in the same robot costume. This arc shows his gradual willingness to participate in social rituals when he feels safe. The “little books” sequence also shows development: as a two-year-old he accepts a move calmly; later, at five, he expresses generalized anxiety about the future, indicating growing cognitive awareness.

Relationships

Asher’s primary relationship is with his mother, Jessi Klein. Their bond is intimate and strained: she is his primary caregiver, yet she often feels overwhelmed, angry, and guilty. She yells at him over risotto, screams profanities in the car, and fantasizes about escaping to a life with a “future lesbian wife.” Still, she also feels profound love and protectiveness, as when she watches him in the Halloween parade. Her husband Mike appears in the background, supporting Asher but often absent due to work. Nannies and teachers (Lucy, Sarah, Sharon) provide practical help and emotional stability for Asher. The relationship with Klein’s own parents is less direct, but she reflects on how her father’s driving fear influenced her car seat anxiety. Asher himself is mostly indifferent to these adults; his world revolves around his mother.

Key Decisions and Consequences

Asher makes few conscious decisions, but his refusals and acceptances have consequences. When he refuses the risotto, Klein storms out of the house, later feeling terrible and eating the risotto herself. When he refuses to use the public toilet, Klein feels desperate and recognizes his fear of growing independence. When he agrees to wear the robot costume for the school parade, he experiences pride and belonging—and Klein experiences a “gadillion sizes” swelling of her heart. The most consequential decision is his acceptance of the “little book” technique. After Klein reads him a simple book about moving, he has no questions and transitions smoothly. This success leads Klein to create little books for a flight, surgery, and school change, each time with similar calm. The consequence is a practical tool that eases both their anxieties, though it cannot solve everything—the coronavirus-themed book is angrily rejected.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Asher serves as the human embodiment of several major themes: motherhood as a hidden hero’s journey, maternal exhaustion and guilt, identity transformation, and societal expectations of mothers. His picky eating forces Klein to confront the gap between the “Barefoot Contessa” ideal and the reality of yelling at her child. His clinginess triggers her frightening urge to lash out, which she calms by playing Judy Garland—tying to the theme of finding poetry in drudgery. The robot costume is a key symbol: initially a mistake that makes him look like a garbage can, it later becomes a source of pride when he marches with it. This parallels Klein’s own journey from feeling like a “trashy little trash heap of a mom” to accepting her imperfect motherhood as enough. The “little books” symbolize the need for simple, honest narratives to navigate change—a theme that echoes the memoir’s own structure of telling a story to make sense of chaos. Asher himself is both the catalyst for Klein’s transformation and the mirror in which she sees her own fears and growth.

Questions and Answers

Q: Why does Asher refuse to wear Halloween costumes?
A: Asher has sensory sensitivities and a strong dislike for costumes that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. He rejects a bear costume after two minutes, refuses a pumpkin hat, and runs from a fireman outfit. Only the homemade robot costume—which he helps create—is accepted, though it is initially mistaken for a trash can, causing a meltdown.

Q: How does Asher respond to the “little books” technique for transitions?
A: Asher reacts with remarkable calm. After reading a simple book about moving to a new house—“My family is moving to a new house. Some things will be the same, and some things will be different”—he has no questions and asks to read another book. The technique works similarly for surgery and school change, though a coronavirus-themed book is angrily rejected.

Q: What happens when Klein tries to serve Asher asparagus risotto?
A: Klein spends thirty minutes making risotto with chopped asparagus, expecting Asher to love it because it contains his favorite flavors (grain and cheese). He refuses to try it, leading to a standoff where Klein yells and storms out of the house. Later she returns to find him eating a banana pouch, and she eats the risotto herself.

Q: How does Asher’s clinginess affect Klein?
A: During a difficult morning when Klein needs to use the bathroom, Asher clings to her leg and refuses to let go. Klein feels rising frustration and a frightening urge to punch the wall. Desperate, she plays Judy Garland’s “Somewhere over the Rainbow” on YouTube, which calms Asher and prompts a wave of emotion connecting her own childhood to her present exhaustion.

Q: What does Asher’s robot costume symbolize in the memoir?
A: The robot costume represents both the failure of perfect parenting—Klein accidentally dresses him like a trash can—and, later, the triumph of allowing a child to participate in his own way. When Asher wears it willingly for a school parade and walks hand in hand with a friend, Klein realizes that her son can find joy even after past disasters, mirroring her own journey toward acceptance.

For more on these themes, explore the main book page, the exploration of motherhood as a hero’s journey, maternal exhaustion and guilt, identity transformation, and societal expectations of mothers. For further discussion, see the ending explained and questions and answers.