Chapter 35: Endword – Summary and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The endword opens with the author recalling a boy who told her she would make a good doctor—a comment she recognizes as a tender joke, much like her own teasing that he would become an excellent horseback rider. Despite the pain he endured, his kindness never wavered. His death came suddenly and shattered her. She describes lying on the floor, overwhelmed by grief, and then plunging into years of cynicism and bitterness. She kept his memory secret from almost everyone, feeling that secrecy preserved their bond. As adolescence passed, grief faded into a lasting coldness, but she retained her ability to laugh, empathize, and be kind. The author states that their real story—the emails, phone calls, and shared laughter—remains hers alone. This novel is inspired by that relationship but is a separate creation. She dedicates the story to the boy who encouraged her to write for herself, and thanks the reader for enduring the heavy pages. She closes with a plea to love as hard and as long as possible.

Key Events

The author recalls the boy’s comment that she would make a good doctor, understood as a loving joke.
She reflects on his persistent kindness despite his suffering.
His death catches her off guard and triggers an intense period of grief.
She becomes cynical and mean for years, hiding his memory from others.
Grief eventually softens into a general coldness, but she relearns empathy and kindness.
She dedicates the novel to him, explaining their real story stays private while the fictional one now lives.
She thanks the reader and urges them to love fiercely.

Character Development

The boy: Described only through the author’s memory, he is inherently kind and unable to deliver a joke without immediately softening it. His pain did not corrupt his goodness; his character serves as a model of preserved kindness.

The author/narrator: Undergoes a clear arc from a grief-stricken, cynical young person to someone who accepts her coldness as part of her but chooses to retain empathy and kindness. Her growth is not a complete transformation but a conscious integration of loss.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Grief as a destructive force: The author explicitly calls pain a “nasty animal” that destroys, mirroring an autoimmune disease. Her initial response is bitterness, illustrating how grief can poison one’s outlook.

Kindness as choice: Despite the boy’s and the author’s suffering, kindness survives. The author stresses that she “learned how to be kind” after her period of cynicism, presenting kindness as an active choice.

Storytelling as preservation: The author kept the boy’s memory secret to preserve it. Now, through fiction, she shares a version of their relationship while keeping the original private. Storytelling becomes both an act of memorial and a gift to readers.

Love beyond death: The closing lines urge loving “hard and as long as you can.” The endword itself is a testament to love that endures through memory and creativity.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is the author’s direct address to the reader, breaking the fourth wall of the novel. It reveals the real-life inspiration behind the story, grounding the fictional events in lived experience. It provides emotional closure, showing the author’s acceptance of her past and her commitment to kindness. The endword reinforces the novel’s central message: love fiercely, even in the face of loss.

Study Questions and Answers

How does the author describe the change in her personality after the boy’s death?
Answer: She plunges into cynicism, meanness, and a belief that life is a sick joke. Over years, this aggression fades into a general coldness, but she retains her ability to laugh, empathize, and be kind.
Why does the author keep the boy a secret from nearly everyone for years?
Answer: She feels that keeping him secret preserves him and their connection. It mirrors a child hoarding something precious; the memory remains hers alone.
What is the relationship between the real story and the novel, according to the author?
Answer: Their real story—emails, phone calls, moments—remains private and belongs to the past. The novel is inspired by it but is a separate creation, given life through writing.