Chapter 1: Fern Brady's Childhood and Family — Summary and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens with Fern Brady telling her father over the phone that she has been diagnosed with autism. His response is dismissive—he questions who told her, then pivots to complaining about London traffic. When she tries to explain the significance, he asks what she had for dinner, a moment that crystallizes his inability to engage with her emotional reality. Fern reflects on how her father has always communicated in this flat, uncurious way, recalling how he once announced her grandfather's leg amputation as casually as small talk.

The narrative then moves backward to her childhood and adolescence. Her mother, who participated in the diagnostic assessment, is consumed by guilt, replaying missed signs: Fern's refusal to be held as a baby, her intense special interest in learning Danish at age eight, and violent meltdowns triggered by the sensation of clothing on her skin. As a teenager, Fern was misdiagnosed with OCD and depression after asking her GP if her obsessive routines fit that label. A referral note described her as “always been strange.” When she later raised the possibility of autism with a psychiatrist, he dismissed it because she made eye contact and had a boyfriend—criteria based on male-centric diagnostic models.

Fern's academic path was equally misunderstood. She excelled at languages, teaching herself French, Italian, and Arabic, and was accepted to Edinburgh University to study Arabic and Persian—not out of interest in the region, but because she had run out of languages to learn. She dropped out of university twice before becoming a journalist, then a stand-up comedian after an assignment required her to try comedy. In comedy, she found a space where her bluntness and intensity were misinterpreted as aggression, so she leaned into a persona of an angry Scot to protect herself from predatory promoters.

In 2017, after a gig in Berlin, a woman in the audience suggested she read Aspergirls. Fern initially resisted, but her boyfriend Conor read it and recognized her traits immediately. He began researching autism and testing calming techniques, like firm touch during meltdowns, which proved effective. Fern continued to struggle, self-medicating with Xanax and illegally purchased Ritalin, and smashing furniture during meltdowns. A psychiatrist at a comedy gig offered no help, and a therapist's grounding app proved useless.

The turning point came after a shutdown following a Sydney Opera House performance. Fern felt a “ping” in her brain, then collapsed into tears and an inability to speak. She called her mother, who cried helplessly from Scotland. Despite this, she posted a triumphant Instagram photo. Later, a friend's girlfriend, a psychiatry trainee, advised her against getting diagnosed, echoing the common myth that “we're all on the spectrum.” Fern continued to mask, but the pandemic forced her and Conor to live together full-time, making her need for solitude and routine unbearable. She finally filled out assessment forms after a book on autistic relationships arrived for Conor.

The assessment took seven hours, including interviews with her mother and Conor. The doctor, Dr Sue Smith, diagnosed her with autism spectrum disorder. Fern initially rejected the diagnosis, googling the doctor to find flaws, and insisted she wouldn't tell anyone. But a few days later, unable to stop thinking about her father's reaction, she tweeted about the diagnosis. The tweet went viral, sparking both support and criticism. She then immersed herself in autistic media—podcasts, books, YouTube, TikTok, and Reddit forums—and gradually began to accept her identity, recognizing that autistic women's direct honesty and obsessive interests can challenge societal norms.

Key Events

Fern tells her father about her autism diagnosis; he responds by asking about dinner.
Fern recalls her mother's guilt over missed childhood signs.
As a teenager, Fern is misdiagnosed with OCD and depression; a psychiatrist dismisses autism because she makes eye contact and has a boyfriend.
Fern studies languages, drops out of university twice, becomes a journalist, then a stand-up comedian.
In 2017, a woman suggests she read Aspergirls; Conor recognizes her traits.
Fern experiences a severe shutdown after a Sydney Opera House gig.
During the pandemic, living with Conor becomes intolerable, prompting her to seek assessment.
Fern is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder by Dr Sue Smith.
She tweets about the diagnosis; the tweet goes viral.
She immerses herself in autistic media and gradually accepts her identity.

Character Development

Fern undergoes the most significant arc. She moves from a state of denial and self-loathing—calling the diagnosis a mistake, fearing it invalidates her achievements—to a tentative acceptance. Her initial resistance is rooted in stigma and a fear of being seen as “stupid.” By the chapter's end, she begins to see autism as a lens through which her life makes sense, and she connects with a community of autistic women.

Dad remains emotionally flat and dismissive throughout. His inability to respond to Fern's news with empathy highlights the family's communication breakdown. He treats the diagnosis as a joke, even suggesting her mother is the autistic one. His behavior reinforces Fern's sense of isolation.

Mum is portrayed with guilt and sorrow. She cries during the assessment and repeatedly revisits missed signs, showing a capacity for reflection that her father lacks. Her emotional response contrasts sharply with Dad's detachment.

Conor emerges as a supportive partner. He reads about autism, learns calming techniques, and provides firm touch during meltdowns. He also helps Fern decode social lies, explaining that people often say things they don't mean to be kind. His patience and understanding are crucial to Fern's eventual acceptance.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Masking is a central theme. Fern describes acting like a different person around friends, suppressing her natural responses, and learning social rules as if they were a foreign language. She compares masking to running a computer with too many programs, leading to overheating and shutdowns.

Late diagnosis and misdiagnosis are explored through Fern's teenage experiences. The psychiatrist's dismissal based on eye contact and having a boyfriend illustrates the male-centric diagnostic criteria that fail women. Fern's misdiagnosis of OCD and depression, and the GP's note that she was “always been strange,” show how autistic traits are pathologized.

Medical gaslighting appears when professionals dismiss her concerns. The psychiatrist's confident grin, the comedy-circuit doctor's ignorance, and the therapist's useless grounding app all reinforce Fern's distrust of the medical system.

Family communication breakdown is evident in the phone call with her father. His inability to engage with her emotional news, and his deflection to mundane topics, underscores the lack of understanding in her family.

Honesty vs. social niceties is a recurring motif. Fern's blunt comments—about a baby's crying, a comedian's weight, or a producer's meeting—are met with horror, yet she values truth over pretense. She later connects this to feminist themes, noting that autistic women's directness can challenge societal hypocrisy.

The spectrum misconception is addressed when a friend's girlfriend says “we're all on the spectrum.” Fern's footnote clarifies that autism is not linear; you either are or aren't autistic. This theme challenges the dilution of autistic identity.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter establishes the memoir's central narrative: the journey toward a late autism diagnosis and the emotional fallout. It introduces Fern's voice—wry, blunt, and self-aware—and sets up the key relationships that shape her story. The chapter also critiques the medical and social systems that fail autistic women, making it a foundational piece for understanding Fern's experiences. The viral tweet and her subsequent immersion in autistic community foreshadow the memoir's broader themes of identity, acceptance, and advocacy.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Fern's father's reaction to her diagnosis illustrate the theme of family communication breakdown?

Fern's father responds to her autism diagnosis by asking about dinner and complaining about traffic, showing his inability to engage with emotional or significant news. He deflects, jokes, and even suggests her mother is the autistic one. This pattern—treating serious matters as trivial—highlights the family's lack of emotional attunement and explains why Fern felt isolated growing up.

2. What role does Conor play in Fern's journey toward diagnosis and acceptance?

Conor is the first person to recognize Fern's autistic traits after reading Aspergirls. He researches calming techniques, like firm touch, and uses them during her meltdowns. He also helps her decode social lies, explaining that people often say things they don't mean to be kind. His support contrasts with her family's dismissal and provides a safe space for her to eventually accept the diagnosis.

3. How does Fern's experience with misdiagnosis reflect broader issues in how autism is diagnosed in women?

Fern was misdiagnosed with OCD and depression as a teenager, and a psychiatrist dismissed autism because she made eye contact and had a boyfriend. This reflects the male-centric diagnostic criteria that historically overlooked autistic women, who often mask their traits. The chapter shows how these criteria led to years of confusion, self-medication, and distress, and how a proper diagnosis only came after she encountered a specialist in adult women.