Chapter 20 Summary and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Julia arrives home from work expecting a quiet evening, but finds Mark, Alma, and the dog Suzanne gathered soberly at the kitchen table. Alma has clearly been crying. Mark gently explains that Alma received rejection emails from her other college applications several days earlier and had been too embarrassed to tell them. Alma is devastated, insisting she did everything she was supposed to do and that there must be something wrong with her. Julia tries to comfort her by pointing out she was already accepted at Herzog, but Alma dismisses this, saying the point is that none of her hard work mattered.

In a defiant outburst, Alma reveals she took Margo's Adderall multiple times during the second semester of the previous year, including before the SAT and throughout her AP Bio tests. She says it worked well and that neither parent noticed. Mark warns her it was incredibly dangerous, and Alma storms upstairs, slamming her door. Mark follows to comfort her while Suzanne hesitates between following him and staying with Julia.

While Mark is upstairs, Julia reflects on her long-held belief that Ben is her child and Alma is Mark's. She recalls knowing from Alma's birth that Mark would love their daughter more than he loved Ben, and that this was not a transgression but simply the way love worked. She also reflects on her own loss of her father and wishes Alma could understand the tenuousness of Mark's steadfast presence.

Mark returns and reports that Alma is going to be okay. He convinced her to attend the admitted-students event at Herzog in a couple of weeks, and notes she has started talking about preventing glyphosate poisoning from nearby Monsanto plants, which he takes as a sign of proactive thinking. The two share a moment of delirious laughter, a coping mechanism they have relied on for years. They briefly discuss the upcoming wedding, with Mark mentioning that Sunny arranged for a paleo caterer from Wicker Park. Julia does not tell Mark about her earlier conversation with Ben, in which he wanted to invite Anita to the wedding and she discouraged him.

Julia makes Alma boxed macaroni and cheese, a childhood comfort food. Alma apologizes for being a bitch, thanks her mother, and asks to watch a show about people making cake busts of famous people instead of talking. Julia leaves her daughter to it.

Well past midnight, Julia sits in the yard with Suzanne, who is dressed in a tiny blue polar fleece. She reflects on the dog's mysterious origins at the shelter, her fearfulness, and her slow trust. Julia studies her dark house and recognizes the particular darkness of being awake when everyone else is asleep, a state she knows very well.

Key Events

Alma reveals she received rejection emails from her other college applications several days earlier and hid them out of embarrassment.
Alma confesses to taking Margo's Adderall multiple times during the second semester of the previous year, including before the SAT and AP Bio tests.
Alma storms upstairs and slams her door; Mark goes up to comfort her.
Mark convinces Alma to attend the admitted-students event at Herzog.
Julia and Mark discuss the wedding, including Sunny's paleo caterer.
Julia brings Alma boxed macaroni and cheese; Alma apologizes and asks for distraction instead of conversation.
Julia sits in the yard past midnight with Suzanne, reflecting on the dog's background and her own insomnia.

Character Development

Julia spends much of this chapter confronting her own limitations as a parent. She admits to herself that she has always favored Ben, that she knew from Alma's birth that Mark would love their daughter more than she could, and that she feels she has little of substance to offer Alma. She reflects on her own loss of her father and wishes Alma could appreciate Mark's steadfastness. She also withholds information from Mark about her conversation with Ben, keeping her worries private. Her attempt to comfort Alma with macaroni and cheese is gentle but ultimately rebuffed, and she ends the chapter alone in the yard, unable to sleep.

Alma is devastated and defiant. Her confession about the Adderall is both an admission of wrongdoing and an accusation: she worked hard, no one noticed her methods, and none of it counted for anything. She apologizes to her mother but prefers distraction to conversation, showing both her vulnerability and her need for space.

Mark emerges as the steadier parent. He comforts Alma, convinces her to attend the Herzog event, and reassures Julia. He also admits he had not noticed how worn out Alma looked, sharing in the parental guilt.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Parental helplessness is the chapter's central theme. Julia watches her daughter's pain and feels there is nothing she can do to protect her, a feeling she describes as mirrored in Mark's eyes.

Parental favoritism is explored through Julia's extended reflection on loving Ben more than Alma, and her guilt and envy over Mark's unyielding love for their daughter.

Adderall misuse and confession highlights the pressure Alma felt to succeed and the lengths she went to, as well as the parents' failure to notice.

Comfort food as coping appears in the boxed macaroni and cheese Julia makes, a childhood favorite she hopes will soothe her daughter.

Insomnia and nighttime solitude frame the chapter's ending, as Julia sits in the dark yard, unable to sleep, studying her house and her own restlessness.

The dog as emotional companion is developed through Julia's reflections on Suzanne's mysterious origins, her fearfulness, and her slow trust, which Julia clearly identifies with.

Withheld information and secrets recur: Alma hid her rejections and her Adderall use, and Julia hides her conversation with Ben from Mark.

Crisis accumulation is voiced in Julia's observation that the universe deposits crises in erratic piles rather than at manageable intervals.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter brings Alma's academic crisis to the surface and introduces a significant confession that complicates the family's picture of their daughter. It also deepens Julia's interior life, revealing her long-held favoritism toward Ben, her sense of inadequacy as a parent, and her identification with Suzanne as a creature shaped by loss and slow trust. The chapter sets up the Herzog admitted-students event as a potential turning point for Alma, while Julia's decision to keep Ben's conversation about Anita from Mark plants a secret that may surface later. The nighttime scene with Suzanne reinforces Julia's isolation and her tendency to process her worries alone.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Alma confess to taking Margo's Adderall in the middle of the argument about college rejections?

Alma confesses in a moment of defiance, after Julia tries to comfort her by pointing out she was already accepted at Herzog. Alma's confession is both an admission and an accusation: she worked hard, used a dangerous method to succeed, no one noticed, and it still did not count for anything. She is expressing her frustration that the effort and risk were meaningless in the face of rejection.

2. What does Julia's reflection on loving Ben more than Alma reveal about her character?

Julia admits she has always known Ben was her child and Alma was Mark's, and that she loved Ben more. She also acknowledges that Mark loves Alma more than he loves Ben, and that this is not a transgression because love is incalculable. The reflection reveals Julia's guilt, her envy of Mark's steadiness, and her wish that Alma could appreciate the tenuousness of love, shaped by Julia's own experience of losing her father.

3. Why does Julia not tell Mark about her conversation with Ben regarding Anita?

Julia gives Mark only the abridged version of the Target conversation, telling him the bare fact that Ben wanted to invite Anita and she discouraged him. She does not tell him what else Ben said, nor how much it has thrown her, nor how much time she has spent awake at night turning it over. She keeps this worry private, consistent with her pattern of processing difficult feelings alone, as seen in the chapter's final scene.