Abraham (Abe) in Quietly Hostile: Character Analysis of the Pandemic-Adopted Dog

Overview: The Unlikely Firstborn of the Irby Household

Abraham (Abe) is the pandemic-adopted dog at the center of the chapter “My Firstborn Dog” in Samantha Irby’s 2023 essay collection Quietly Hostile. Originally named Bubbles by the SPCA, he is a scrawny, pale, sad-looking dog with a long list of behavioral problems. Irby and her partner Kirsten adopt him after two earlier chihuahua prospects fall through, and they rename him Abraham because, as Irby writes, it sounds “regal and distinguished.” Abe becomes a recurring comic presence in the book, but he is more than a punchline: he functions as a stand-in for the child Irby never wanted, a mirror for her own anxieties about aging and control, and a symbol of the messy compromises that define domestic life. This analysis traces Abe’s role in the chapter, his traits and motivations as revealed through actions, his relationships, and the themes he illuminates, while distinguishing what the text explicitly states from interpretive readings.

Plot Role: The Dog Who Answers a Lifelong Question

The chapter opens with a man asking Irby if she regrets not having a child with him. She reflects on her reasons for never wanting kids—her health, personality, and financial concerns—and notes she had an ablation to prevent pregnancy. The narrative then pivots to the pandemic adoption. Irby and Kirsten first try to adopt a chihuahua named Granny, but she is already taken; a second chihuahua, Felicity, is also adopted before they can claim her. They then find Bubbles on the SPCA website, tucked away deep in the listings. Irby’s initial reaction is “Ew he’s ugly,” but she agrees to get him anyway.

The adoption itself is rushed: the volunteer brings Bubbles to a visitation room, and within minutes she returns with paperwork and asks for a credit card. Irby suspects “something’s not right with this dude,” but Kirsten waves her off. They leave with the dog, whom Irby names Abraham. The rest of the chapter catalogs Abe’s misbehavior—barking, destructiveness, refusal to train, and general chaos—and their attempts to manage him, including a failed puppy-training class and a daycare that sends report cards documenting his antics. The chapter ends with Irby answering the man’s question: “No way, man! I have a fucking dog!”

In this way, Abe is not just a pet but the explicit answer to the question of whether Irby regrets not having a child. He is her “firstborn dog,” a creature she reluctantly mothers, scolds, and ultimately defends. His role is to embody the alternative to parenthood—messy, demanding, and yet oddly fulfilling.

Motivations and Traits: A Portrait of Chaos and Loyalty

The text provides an extensive list of Abe’s traits, most of them negative. He barks at everything, is “very dumb,” “very naughty,” a picky eater, and has leaking eyes. He stinks, fights the cats, spins in circles at the sight of a squirrel, jumps on the dining room table, and scratches paint off doors when left alone. He refuses to walk in the rain, commandeers every blanket, and insists on sleeping in the human bed. He is “not cuddly,” always trembling, and “so fucking bossy.” He only likes Kirsten, and he is “impervious to calming measures.”

These traits are presented as facts of his behavior, not as motivations in a human sense. But the text implies that Abe’s chaos stems from anxiety and a lack of training rather than malice. The vet tells Irby that potty training will take a year because Abe’s “smooth walnut brain” is too small to learn quickly—a humorous way of saying he is not particularly bright. The daycare staff describe him as “spirited,” “vocal,” and “a leader,” which Irby translates as “bad,” “loud,” and “bossy and loud and bad.”

Despite all this, Abe shows moments of loyalty and even affection, particularly toward Kirsten. He is the one who insists on being in her lap in the car, and he only likes her. Irby, meanwhile, is the target of his “aggressively cutting his eyes” and his general rudeness. This asymmetry suggests that Abe’s behavior is not random but directed—he has chosen his person, and that person is not Irby.

Chronological Arc: From Bubbles to Abraham

The arc of Abe’s story in the chapter follows a clear sequence:

The failed attempts: Granny and Felicity are both adopted before Irby and Kirsten can claim them, setting up a pattern of disappointment.
The discovery of Bubbles: Kirsten finds him on the SPCA website, and Irby reluctantly agrees.
The rushed adoption: They meet Bubbles, sign paperwork, and leave with him almost immediately.
The naming: Irby renames him Abraham, a choice that signals her attempt to impose dignity on a chaotic creature.
The training failure: They enroll him in a puppy-training class at PetSmart, but Abe is kicked out because he barks at other dogs and “devolved” to yapping at the ceiling.
The daycare trial: They find a daycare that accepts him on a trial basis. Irby drives him there, scolds him on the way, and waits nervously for a call that never comes. He survives the day, and the staff say they love him.
The report cards: Daycare emails report cards with photos of other dogs being “choked, manhandled, swatted, barked at, chewed on, and mounted” by Abe. Irby recoils but continues to send him.
The closing answer: Irby tells the man she has a dog instead of a child.

This arc moves from desire (wanting a dog) to acquisition (adopting Bubbles) to struggle (training and daycare) to acceptance (keeping him and embracing him as her “firstborn”). The final line suggests that despite all the chaos, Abe is worth it.

Relationships: The Dog, the Partner, and the Author

Abe’s relationships are central to the chapter’s comedy and meaning.

With Irby: Irby is initially skeptical and even repulsed, calling him ugly and suspecting something is wrong. She is the one who names him, drives him to daycare, and scolds him. She also feels pride when he survives his first day, and she treats herself to a $6 coffee for being “such a good mom.” Her relationship with Abe is one of reluctant responsibility—she does not love him unconditionally at first, but she cares for him and eventually claims him as her own.
With Kirsten: Kirsten is the one who finds Abe and insists on adopting him. She snuggles him even when he goes stiff, and Abe “only likes Kirsten.” This creates a dynamic where Kirsten is the preferred parent, and Irby is the one who deals with the mess. The text implies that Abe’s loyalty to Kirsten is a source of both amusement and mild jealousy for Irby.
With other animals: Abe fights the cats, barks at other dogs, and tries to get tough with dangerous wildlife. He is not a social animal; he is a disruptor.
With daycare staff: They tolerate him, describe him with euphemisms, and send report cards that document his misbehavior. Their acceptance of him—despite his antics—suggests that even professionals find him endearing in a way.

These relationships highlight the theme of domestic compromise: Abe is a shared project that tests Irby and Kirsten’s patience but also gives them something to talk about and care for together.

Key Decisions and Consequences

The chapter is built around a series of decisions, each with consequences that shape the narrative.

The decision to adopt Bubbles: Despite Irby’s misgivings, they adopt him. The consequence is a home filled with barking, destruction, and chaos. But it also gives them a shared focus and a source of humor.
The decision to rename him Abraham: This is a small but telling choice. It imposes a dignified name on a dog who is anything but dignified, creating an ironic contrast that runs through the chapter.
The decision to enroll him in daycare: This is a practical attempt to manage his behavior. The consequence is a series of report cards that document his misbehavior, but also a sense of accomplishment when he is allowed to return.
The decision to keep him: The chapter never explicitly states that they consider giving him up, but the trial basis of the daycare and the constant complaints imply that it is a possibility. By the end, Irby’s answer to the man—that she has a dog—signals that she has fully accepted Abe as part of her life.

These decisions show Irby’s growth from reluctance to acceptance, and they mirror the larger theme of embracing imperfection.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Abe is a rich symbol that connects to several themes in Quietly Hostile.

Aging and bodily decline: Abe’s leaking eyes, trembling, and general decrepitude echo Irby’s own complaints about her body in other chapters. He is a creature falling apart, much like she feels she is. His “smooth walnut brain” is a joke about cognitive decline, but it also reflects Irby’s anxieties about her own mental sharpness.
Unapologetic defense of basic tastes: Irby’s decision to love a dog that is objectively difficult and ugly is a form of unapologetic taste. She does not try to make Abe into a well-behaved pet; she accepts him as he is, just as she declares she likes things others mock.
Marriage and domestic compromise: Abe becomes a shared project for Irby and Kirsten, giving them something to talk about and care for. He is a test of their patience and a source of bonding, embodying the compromises that make a relationship work.
Family estrangement and grief: The chapter’s framing—the man asking about a child—connects Abe to Irby’s complicated feelings about family. She has estranged relationships with her siblings and a deadbeat father, and Abe becomes a new kind of family member, one she chooses.
Hollywood rejection and creative authenticity: While Abe is not directly about Hollywood, the chapter’s tone—self-deprecating, honest about failure—mirrors Irby’s broader critique of creative industries. Abe is a symbol of the messy, unglamorous reality that she embraces in her writing.

For more on these themes, see the themes on aging and bodily decline, unapologetic defense of basic tastes, marriage and domestic compromise, and family estrangement and grief.

Questions and Answers

Why did Irby and Kirsten decide to adopt a dog during the pandemic?

They were stuck at home and had run out of interesting things to talk about. Irby writes that a dog would give them something to discuss and would “save our relationship” by providing a distraction from their shortcomings.

What is the significance of renaming Bubbles to Abraham?

Irby chooses the name because it sounds “regal and distinguished.” The name creates an ironic contrast with the dog’s chaotic behavior, and it also signals Irby’s attempt to impose order on a creature that resists it.

Why were Irby and Kirsten kicked out of puppy training class?

Abe could hear other dogs in the store and “devolved” to the point of standing and yapping at the ceiling, hoping to intimidate dogs he couldn’t see. The class was unable to make progress with him.

What do the daycare report cards reveal about Abe?

The report cards include photos of other dogs being “choked, manhandled, swatted, barked at, chewed on, and mounted” by Abe. They reveal that he is disruptive and undisciplined, but also that the daycare staff tolerate him and even say they love him.

How does Abe serve as an answer to the question about having a child?

At the end of the chapter, Irby responds to the man’s question about regretting not having a child by saying, “No way, man! I have a fucking dog!” This line positions Abe as a substitute for a child—a demanding, messy, but ultimately chosen responsibility that Irby embraces on her own terms.

For a deeper look at the chapter’s ending and its implications, see the ending explained and questions and answers.