Symbols Phoebe Berman's Gonna Lose It Brooke Averick

Crossword Puzzles as a Symbol of Connection and Intimacy

Symbol Overview

In Phoebe Berman's Gonna Lose It, crossword puzzles appear as more than a pastime; they evolve into a private language of intimacy between Phoebe and Matthew. What begins as a casual shared hobby—exchanging Wordle scores and crossword times—becomes a metaphor for vulnerability, patience, and commitment. The motif threads through the novel, reflecting Phoebe's gradual journey from fear to trust.

Crossword puzzles require collaboration, shared knowledge, and a willingness to be wrong together. These qualities mirror what Phoebe must learn to build a romantic relationship. The symbol deepens from a low‑stakes game into a handmade gift that declares exclusivity and love.

Recurrence and Evolution

The motif first appears in early chapters as a long‑distance ritual. After Phoebe bails on their planned date, Matthew invites her to a game of Words With Friends (Chapter 4). They exchange Wordle scores and crossword times, playing until she falls asleep with her phone in hand. At this stage, the puzzles are a safe substitute for physical intimacy—a way to connect without risking a panic attack.

In Chapter 7, Phoebe sends Matthew her Wordle score after agreeing to a date, showing she uses the games to maintain contact (also Chapter 7). The dream sequence in Chapter 11 features a FaceTime from Matthew and a Words With Friends notification that reads “OBJECT”—linking wordplay to her subconscious desire for rescue.

The motif culminates in Chapter 29. Matthew gives Phoebe a handmade crossword for her thirtieth birthday, with clues that reference personal details: the number of hours in her Broadway Hits playlist, airplane items she collects, how many times he chickened out kissing her (“somewhere in the hundreds”). Phoebe declares she “won’t be doing any crosswords with anyone else,” and Matthew agrees. The crossword has become a token of exclusive emotional commitment.

In Chapter 30, Phoebe proudly introduces Matthew as her “exclusive crossword partner,” later accepting the term “boyfriend.” The crossword language carries into the epilogue, where Phoebe begins a guide to managing her OCD, framing her self‑acceptance as another puzzle to solve.

Character Connections

Phoebe Berman: For Phoebe, crosswords are a controlled environment where she can succeed on her own terms—no panic attacks, no pressure to perform. The games offer an outlet for her obsessive nature (tracking scores, beating her best times) while keeping intimacy at a safe distance. Her shift from playing alone to accepting a personal crossword from Matthew marks a turning point in her ability to trust.

Matthew Baxter: Matthew uses crosswords as a patient, non‑threatening way to stay close. He never pushes for physical intimacy, instead meeting Phoebe in the word‑game arena. His handmade crossword shows he listens to her smallest details and turns them into a coded declaration of love. It is his way of proving he sees and values the real Phoebe, not an idealized version.

Jonathan Cooper: Jonathan feigns interest in crosswords but is not a genuine participant. Phoebe jokes he’s been “pretending to like them this whole time” (Chapter 29), highlighting that the true connection is between Phoebe and Matthew. Jonathan’s role emphasizes that the crossword bond is unique and not transferrable.

Nora, Meg, Alex: These friends cheer Phoebe on from the sidelines but never engage in the puzzle games themselves. Their support reinforces that the crossword relationship is a private bubble between the two protagonists.

Thematic Significance

Crossword puzzles intersect with several major themes:

  • Intimacy Anxiety: The games provide a safe bridge over Phoebe’s panic. She can be close to Matthew without the fear of physical contact triggering a collapse. The crossword gift in Chapter 29 shows that Matthew understands her need for gradual, mental intimacy before physical.

  • Vulnerability and Honesty: Solving a crossword requires revealing what you don’t know. Phoebe’s willingness to let Matthew create clues about her life—her quirks, her fears—is an act of vulnerability. Matthew’s clue about chickening out confesses his own hesitation, creating shared honesty.

  • Self‑Acceptance: In the epilogue, Phoebe’s guide to managing her OCD frames mental health as a puzzle to be solved, not a flaw to be hidden. The crossword motif thus extends into her final acceptance that “there is nothing wrong with her.”

  • Friendship and Support: The group chat named “no backing out” uses game‑like language to hold Phoebe accountable. Crosswords become a communal symbol of encouragement, even though the intimate version is reserved for Matthew.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does the crossword puzzle work as a symbol for Phoebe and Matthew’s relationship?

The crossword requires two people to collaborate, share clues, and handle mistakes without blame. This mirrors the patience and communication Phoebe and Matthew must develop. It also allows them to build intimacy without the immediate threat of physical contact, which triggers Phoebe’s panic attacks. The private clues in Matthew’s gift show a deep understanding of her life, making the puzzle a container for mutual care and exclusivity.

2. How does the meaning of the crossword change from the early chapters to the birthday gift in Chapter 29?

In early chapters, crosswords are a safe, long‑distance habit that keeps Phoebe connected without commitment. They are generic—Wordle scores and crossword times. By Chapter 29, the crossword becomes a bespoke object with deeply personal clues, including Matthew’s confession that he wanted to kiss her “hundreds” of times. It transforms from a distraction into a declaration of love and a symbol of exclusive partnership.

3. In what way does the crossword motif support the theme of “self‑acceptance” in the epilogue?

Phoebe’s final project—a guide to managing her OCD—is conceptually like a crossword: she must piece together strategies to live with her anxiety. The puzzle‑solving mindset she cultivated with Matthew (methodical, patient, compassionate) translates into self‑work. By framing her mental health as a puzzle she can solve, she accepts that her brain works differently, not wrongly.

4. Why does Phoebe say she “won’t be doing any crosswords with anyone else,” and what does this reveal about her growth?

Phoebe’s statement (Chapter 29) is a declaration of romantic exclusivity disguised in the language of her hobby. It reveals that she has moved from treating Matthew as a safe gaming partner to recognizing him as her romantic partner. The metaphor allows her to express commitment without the direct pressure she fears, showing her growth in articulating emotional attachment.