Matthew Baxter: The Patient Photographer Who Waited for Phoebe

Overview

Matthew Baxter enters Phoebe Berman's life as a Hinge match who quickly becomes far more than a casual date. A quirky photographer based in New York, Matthew embodies the gentleness and patience that Phoebe’s journey toward intimacy desperately needs. Unlike other love interests who push for rapid progress, Matthew accepts Phoebe’s anxiety without judgment and adjusts his pace to match hers. His role in the story challenges the conventional romance archetype: he is not the hero who rescues Phoebe from her fears, but a partner who sits beside her while she conquers them herself. Matthew’s presence demonstrates that genuine connection can flourish even when one partner carries crippling intimacy anxiety.

Plot Role

Matthew first appears as a text-only presence in Chapter 4, when Phoebe, after creating her “lose virginity in thirty days” checklist, messages him proposing a date. He had already matched with her on Hinge months earlier, but Phoebe canceled their first meeting by claiming food poisoning—a lie born from panic. Throughout the early chapters, Matthew and Phoebe exchange daily Wordle scores, crossword puzzles, and playlists, building an emotional intimacy before they ever meet in person.

Their first face-to-face encounter occurs unexpectedly in Chapter 13, when Phoebe’s sister Jamie’s wedding photographer turns out to be Matthew. The surprise revelation creates tension: Phoebe has been lying about being in Los Angeles, not New York. Yet Matthew’s hurt quickly gives way to curiosity, and he spends the wedding weekend observing her with a photographer’s eye for detail. Their real relationship begins when Matthew visits Los Angeles in Chapter 26 for a proper date. After a charming afternoon at the Santa Monica Pier—interrupted by a student and a queasy roller coaster ride—Matthew and Phoebe share their first kiss. From that point, Matthew becomes a steady presence in her life, culminating in his return for Phoebe’s thirtieth birthday party (Chapter 30), where she introduces him as her boyfriend.

By the epilogue, set during Thanksgiving break, Phoebe loses her virginity to Matthew in her childhood bedroom. He declares his love, and Phoebe reciprocates. Matthew’s arc moves from a virtual word-game partner to a trusted, patient lover who helps Phoebe accept her own timeline for intimacy.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Matthew’s primary motivation is genuine connection with Phoebe. He never pressures her for sex or even physical affection. Instead, he demonstrates his care through small, consistent actions:

Patience: When Phoebe confesses her virginity and her anxiety in Chapter 23, Matthew does not flinch. He says, “We can take it slow,” and means it. He waits for her to initiate kisses and follows her lead.
Thoughtfulness: He sends Phoebe a handmade crossword puzzle for her birthday (Chapter 29) with clues that reference their shared history—including “How many times I chickened out kissing you” (answer: hundreds). This gift shows he pays attention to the smallest details.
Vulnerability: Matthew confesses that Bev the octopus—a tattoo Phoebe got based on a video he sent—never actually solved a Rubik’s Cube. He admits he fell for an April Fool’s joke and fears Phoebe will be angry. This confession reveals his own insecurity and his willingness to be honest even when it might damage their connection.
Nervousness: Matthew taps his foot repeatedly when anxious (Chapter 23). He admits, “You have to know how hard it was for me not to kiss you back in that closet.” His ability to acknowledge his own nervousness makes him relatable and underscores that he, too, is navigating new territory.

Matthew’s core trait is acceptance. He does not try to fix Phoebe; he simply stays. When she reveals her history of panic attacks, the checklist, and her fear of intimacy, he responds by tracing a circle on her thumb and suggesting they “just hang out and see what happens.” This non-demanding approach is exactly what Phoebe needs to feel safe enough to trust her own desires.

Chronological Arc

Virtual Presence (Chapters 4–7): Matthew exists only through texts, Wordle scores, and playlists. Phoebe feels a mixture of excitement and fear about meeting him, but their daily exchanges create a foundation of shared interests.
Unexpected Reunion (Chapter 13): Matthew is revealed as Jamie’s wedding photographer. The revelation stuns both characters. Phoebe cancels a planned trip to New York without telling him why, but he pivots to curiosity instead of resentment.
First Real Date (Chapter 26): Matthew flies to Los Angeles. They spend the afternoon on the Santa Monica Pier, share junk food, and face interruptions (a student, his motion sickness). The date ends with a passionate kiss and an awkward but warm introduction to Phoebe’s friends.
Building Intimacy (Chapter 27–29): A group chat confirms that Matthew and Phoebe spend hours alone in her bedroom; the chapter implies deepening physical closeness. Matthew gives her the handmade crossword for her birthday.
Public Boyfriend (Chapter 30): At her surprise party, Matthew asks to be introduced as her boyfriend. Phoebe obliges, and her mother cries with happiness. Matthew meets her entire circle—family, friends, coworkers—and fits in seamlessly.
Consummation and Commitment (Epilogue): During Thanksgiving break, Phoebe loses her virginity to Matthew in her childhood bedroom. He tells her he loves her, and she says it back. The epilogue shows her newfound self-acceptance, with Matthew as a supportive partner.

Relationships

With Phoebe: Central to the story. Matthew is the only person who sees all of Phoebe—her anxiety, her lists, her romantic idealism—and does not try to change her. He becomes a safe space where she can explore physical intimacy without performance pressure. Their relationship thrives on shared intellectual play (crosswords, word games) and emotional honesty.
With Jonathan: Phoebe’s best friend Jonathan initially feels threatened by Matthew, but they eventually bond. In Chapter 30, Jonathan and Matthew work together to set up the surprise party. Jonathan even nudges Matthew to claim the “boyfriend” title, showing acceptance.
With Phoebe’s Family: Her mother Jodi adores Matthew from their first meeting at the wedding. Her father teases him amiably. Matthew handles the overwhelming Berman family with good humor and patience, especially when introduced as “the photographer” before becoming “the boyfriend.”
With Finn: Matthew shows a hint of jealousy when he learns about Finn (Chapter 30), but Phoebe quickly reassures him. The tension dissolves when they both realize Finn and Jonathan have chemistry with each other, not with Phoebe.

Key Decisions and Consequences

Decision to wait for Phoebe: After Phoebe cancels their first planned date, Matthew does not disappear. He continues texting and even flies across the country to see her. This decision sets the stage for a relationship built on trust rather than convenience.
Decision to confess about Bev: Matthew could have hidden the truth about the octopus video. His vulnerability strengthens their bond and shows Phoebe that imperfection is acceptable.
Decision to ask for the “boyfriend” title: At the surprise party, Matthew explicitly asks to be introduced as her boyfriend. This public declaration reassures Phoebe that he is committed, and it helps her feel secure enough to continue her journey without a deadline.
Decision to say “I love you” first: In the epilogue, Matthew declares his love in Phoebe’s childhood bedroom. This emotional risk pays off when Phoebe reciprocates, solidifying their relationship as one built on mutual affection rather than obligation.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Matthew embodies several central themes of the novel, which are explored in detail on the themes page. His role is inseparable from the themes of self-acceptance and vulnerability and honesty.

Acceptance of Anxiety: In a romance genre that often rewards confident, take-charge heroes, Matthew’s willingness to wait and follow Phoebe’s lead subverts expectations. He does not see her panic attacks as a problem to solve; he sees them as part of the person he loves. This aligns with the theme of friendship and support, as Matthew becomes Phoebe’s most intimate support system.
Crosswords and Word Games: These recurring symbols represent intellectual intimacy and shared mental space. Matthew and Phoebe bond over Wordle, crosswords, and Words With Friends. The crossword he creates for her birthday is a physical manifestation of their inside jokes and history, symbolizing that their relationship is built on connection beyond the physical.
Photography: As a photographer, Matthew literally frames how he sees the world. His profession mirrors his relationship approach: he observes, captures moments, and lets others reveal themselves naturally. He does not stage or force scenes.
Bev the Octopus Tattoo: Even after Matthew confesses that the octopus never solved a Rubik’s Cube, Phoebe keeps the tattoo. This symbol of imperfection and shared gullibility becomes a testament to their growth: they can laugh about mistakes together.

Book-Specific Questions and Answers

Why does Matthew not pressure Phoebe for sex, even when she explicitly says she wants to “lose it” within thirty days?
Matthew understands that Phoebe’s anxiety requires a pressure-free environment. When she confesses her checklist in Chapter 23, his immediate reaction is to offer to take things slow. By prioritizing emotional safety over physical goals, he demonstrates that genuine intimacy cannot be forced or scheduled. (Explicit fact: He says “We can take it slow” and “Let’s just hang out and see what happens.”)
What is the significance of the handmade crossword puzzle Matthew gives Phoebe for her thirtieth birthday?
The crossword contains personalized clues, including one asking how many times he “chickened out” kissing her (answer: hundreds). The gift shows that Matthew has paid close attention to their shared history and inside jokes. It also proves that he values their intellectual connection as much—if not more—than physical milestones. The crossword becomes a symbol of their unique relationship language.
How does Matthew’s confession about Bev the octopus strengthen his relationship with Phoebe?
When Matthew admits that the video of Bev solving a Rubik’s Cube was an April Fool’s joke and that he fell for it, he risks looking foolish. Instead of anger, Phoebe laughs and says the tattoo now has a better story. This moment of shared vulnerability deepens trust: Matthew shows he is willing to be imperfect, and Phoebe shows she can accept imperfections in others—a mirror of the acceptance she craves for herself.
Why does Matthew ask to be called Phoebe’s “boyfriend” at the surprise party, even though they have already been intimate?
Matthew wants public recognition of their commitment. In Chapter 30, he explicitly says “You can say boyfriend if that’s easier” when Phoebe refers to him as her “exclusive crossword partner.” The request is both romantic and practical: it signals to everyone—including Finn and Jonathan—that their relationship is official. Phoebe happily complies, which marks her growing comfort with labeling the relationship.
How does Matthew’s background as a photographer influence his approach to Phoebe’s anxiety?
As a photographer, Matthew is trained to observe without forcing subjects to perform. He applies this same patience to Phoebe: he watches, waits, and captures moments as they happen. He does not try to direct or stage their relationship. This aligns with the novel’s theme of letting intimacy unfold naturally, as explored on the Intimacy Anxiety theme page. (Interpretation: The parallel between his profession and his relationship style is implied by his actions, not stated explicitly.)

For further analysis of the novel’s ending and major turning points, see the ending explained page and the questions and answers section.