Chapter 63 'The Night Before': Summary and Key Events

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The night before the Sunday event that has been weighing on both characters, Rooney chooses to stay in instead of going out. When the narrator returns from the shower, Rooney suggests watching YouTube videos and eating biscuits. The narrator climbs into Rooney's bed, finds it uncomfortable, and proposes pushing their beds together to form a single large double bed. Rooney agrees, and they spend time watching TikTok compilations while sharing a packet of chocolate digestives.

Midway through the third video, the narrator confesses to feeling nervous about the next day. Rooney admits she feels the same. They finish the biscuits and fall into a comfortable silence, the screen still glowing. After a few minutes, Rooney asks whether it's strange that she still keeps a picture of Beth. The narrator says no, and Rooney admits she thinks it is. The narrator, feeling angry at Beth for not maintaining contact, says that if Beth couldn't be bothered to stay in touch, she doesn't deserve Rooney. Rooney corrects her, saying it wasn't Beth's fault—it was her own.

Rooney then reveals her past. In Year Nine, she met her ex-boyfriend, who attended a different school. She became instantly obsessed with him and decided to move to his school, lying to her parents by claiming she was being bullied and had no friends. She acknowledges she was "the actual worst child alive." Beth, she explains, was the only real friend she ever had. But Rooney believed that having a boyfriend was the best thing ever and that she was in love, so she gave everything up—Beth, her hobbies, the school shows, the drama club, and the happiness she had found there. She gave it all up to be with her boyfriend.

Rooney describes the three years they dated as horrible. He broke up with her and got back together with her countless times, cheated on her, and controlled every aspect of her life—when they went to parties, when they started drinking and smoking, when they had sex. She kept telling herself that as long as he was happy, she was living her dream, that this was love and he was her soulmate. Breaking up with him took everything from her because it meant accepting that she had made a terrible mistake, that it was entirely her fault, and that she had lost her best friend for nothing. She could have been happy, but love ruined her.

Rooney breaks down crying. The narrator holds her tightly, wishing she could hurt the boy who did this and rewind time to give Rooney the life she deserved. She whispers that it's not Rooney's fault and that she has to believe that. Rooney apologizes for crying, saying it always happens when she talks about this. The narrator says she doesn't mind. Rooney confesses that she hates the idea of people knowing her because they would hate her the same way she hates herself. The narrator insists she doesn't hate her. Rooney doesn't reply, and they eventually fall asleep tangled together in their makeshift double bed. The narrator hopes Rooney feels safe, even though she knows there's no easy fix and she may never replace Beth.

Key Events

Rooney stays in for the night and suggests watching YouTube and eating biscuits.
The narrator and Rooney push their beds together to form a double bed.
They watch videos and share chocolate digestives, and both admit nervousness about the next day.
Rooney asks if it's weird that she still keeps a picture of Beth.
Rooney reveals her past: she met her ex-boyfriend in Year Nine, became obsessed, and moved to his school by lying to her parents.
She explains that Beth was her only real friend, but she gave up everything for the relationship.
Rooney describes the three-year toxic relationship, including breakups, cheating, and his control over her life.
She cries, and the narrator holds her, telling her it's not her fault.
Rooney fears that people would hate her if they knew her, but the narrator reassures her.
They fall asleep tangled together in the shared bed.

Character Development

This chapter is a turning point for Rooney's character. Up to this point, she has been portrayed as confident, outgoing, and often dismissive of emotional vulnerability. Here, she allows herself to be seen in a raw, unguarded state. Her confession reveals deep self-blame and regret, showing that her brash exterior has been masking a profound sense of failure and shame. She admits that she gave up genuine happiness for an idealized version of love, and she has never forgiven herself for it. Her fear that others would hate her as she hates herself underscores her isolation and the weight she carries.

The narrator also grows in this scene. She moves from passive observation to active emotional support. She listens without judgment, holds Rooney when she cries, and offers reassurance that contradicts Rooney's self-loathing. Her anger at Beth, and her desire to protect Rooney, show that her feelings for Rooney have deepened into something protective and caring. The narrator's final reflection—that she hopes Rooney feels safe—demonstrates her commitment to being a source of comfort, even if she can't fix everything.

Their friendship is strengthened through this shared vulnerability. The physical act of pushing their beds together and falling asleep tangled symbolizes the emotional closeness they are building, a contrast to the isolation Rooney has felt for years.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Toxic love and idealization of love: Rooney's story illustrates how the romantic ideal can be used to justify abuse. She convinced herself that his control was love and that his happiness was her dream, a distortion that kept her trapped for three years.
Self-blame and regret: Rooney repeatedly blames herself for her choices, calling herself the worst child and saying she fucked up her own life. Her regret is tied to the loss of Beth and the happiness she gave up.
Lost friendship: Beth represents the genuine, platonic connection Rooney sacrificed. The photograph she keeps is a symbol of that loss and her lingering hope for what could have been.
Romantic vs. platonic love: The chapter contrasts the destructive romantic relationship with the healing potential of friendship. The narrator's care for Rooney is presented as a healthier, more genuine form of love.
Vulnerability and healing through friendship: Rooney's confession and tears, met with the narrator's comfort, show how vulnerability can be a path to healing when met with acceptance.
Symbol of the shared bed: The merging of their beds into one double bed represents intimacy, trust, and the creation of a safe space. It is a physical manifestation of their growing bond.
Symbol of the photograph: The picture of Beth is a tangible reminder of Rooney's past and the friendship she lost. It also symbolizes her inability to let go of the life she could have had.

Why This Chapter Matters

Chapter 63 is a pivotal moment in the novel's exploration of love and friendship. It provides crucial backstory for Rooney, transforming her from a seemingly carefree character into someone with a painful history that explains her behavior and fears. The chapter directly addresses the novel's central theme: the value of platonic love. Rooney's experience shows how romantic love can be idealized and destructive, while the narrator's response demonstrates the power of friendship to offer comfort and acceptance.

The chapter also deepens the emotional stakes of the story. The narrator's desire to protect Rooney and her hope that Rooney feels safe establish a foundation for their relationship that goes beyond casual friendship. The shared bed and the physical closeness symbolize a new level of trust, setting up future developments in their dynamic. Additionally, Rooney's confession about her past and her fear of being known adds complexity to her character, making her more sympathetic and relatable.

This chapter matters because it shifts the focus from external events to internal emotional landscapes. It shows that healing is not immediate or easy—the narrator acknowledges there is no easy fix—but that small acts of presence and care can make a difference. It reinforces the novel's message that love comes in many forms, and that friendship can be just as meaningful, if not more so, than romantic love.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Rooney keep a picture of Beth, and what does it represent?

Rooney keeps the picture because Beth was the only real friend she ever had. The photograph represents the genuine friendship she gave up when she chose her boyfriend over everything else. It symbolizes her regret and her longing for the life she could have had if she hadn't idealized romantic love. Keeping it shows that she has never stopped thinking about Beth or the happiness she lost.

2. How does the narrator respond to Rooney's confession, and what does this reveal about their relationship?

The narrator listens without interrupting, holds Rooney when she cries, and tells her it's not her fault. She also expresses anger at Beth and a desire to protect Rooney. This response reveals that the narrator cares deeply for Rooney and sees her as a good person, contradicting Rooney's self-hatred. It shows that their friendship is becoming a source of comfort and trust, with the narrator willing to offer emotional support without judgment.

3. What does the shared bed symbolize in this chapter?

The shared bed, created by pushing their beds together, symbolizes intimacy, trust, and the merging of their separate lives. It is a physical representation of the emotional closeness they are building. Falling asleep tangled together reinforces this sense of safety and connection, contrasting with the isolation Rooney has felt since losing Beth. The bed becomes a safe space where Rooney can be vulnerable and where the narrator can offer comfort.