Perfectionism and People‑Pleasing in I Hope This Doesn’t Find You

The Cost of a Perfect Mask

In I Hope This Doesn’t Find You, Ann Liang examines the hidden toll of perfectionism and people‑pleasing through the eyes of Sadie Wen, a school captain who has built her identity on flawless performance and universal approval. Sadie’s compulsive need to appear perfect—to teachers, classmates, and family—conceals a deep‑seated insecurity rooted in a fractured home life. The accidental leak of her private, furious email drafts shatters her carefully crafted facade and forces her to reckon with a painful question: what has she sacrificed in her relentless pursuit of being liked?

What the Novel Argues

The story makes a specific thematic claim: perfectionism driven by people‑pleasing is a survival strategy that ultimately silences authentic feelings and breeds resentment. When that strategy collapses, the only way forward is to embrace vulnerability and choose honesty over approval. Sadie learns that real connection cannot be built on a mask of agreeability; it requires the courage to be seen—flaws, anger, and all.

Tracing the Theme Through the Plot

Act One: The Machinery of Pleasing

From the opening chapter, Sadie exhibits a compulsive need to meet everyone’s expectations. She arrives early to give a flawless tour, lies to cover up Woodvale’s absurdities, and silently seethes when Julius Gong effortlessly outshines her. In Chapter Two, she agrees to share all her history notes with Rosie and her friends despite already being overloaded. Internally, she voices her frustration only in unsent email drafts. The narrative reveals that her people‑pleasing is fueled by an imagined future: a perfect home for her mother and brother, a life where she “provide[s] everything he should have provided,” referring to her absent father. Every “yes” she offers is a brick in that dream. At the same time, the drafts show that her agreeable exterior is a performance; her true feelings are violent and resentful.

Act Two: The Mask Torn Away

Chapter Three marks the crisis: Sadie’s private drafts are accidentally sent via Reply All to the entire year level. Julius reads excerpts aloud, exposing her “fake” politeness. Overnight, Sadie the Perfect School Captain is killed. In Chapter Four, she panics at the vandalised photo of herself and Julius, a red line splitting them. Her instinct is to “fix this” by baking cupcakes or throwing a party—more people‑pleasing—rather than sit with the discomfort of being disliked. The public humiliation forces her to see that her entire reputation rested on a lie. Her people‑pleasing had not earned her genuine friendship; it had made her a doormat.

Act Three: Choosing Honesty Over Approval

By the later chapters, the mask begins to crack. In Chapter Twenty, during the cabin crisis, Sadie takes charge and refuses to apologise for her emails. When Danny taunts her, she fires back with the truth about his graffiti. The climax comes when she tells Julius, “I choose him… he will always be my first choice.” This is not people‑pleasing; it is a conscious decision to prioritise her own feelings over public opinion. In the final chapter, she writes Julius an email confessing her love and refusing to apologise for the earlier emails, declaring, “I’m completely obsessed with you.” This honest email—sent intentionally, not leaked—symbolises her liberation from the need to please.

Character Connections

Sadie Wen as the protagonist embodies the tension between internal rage and external sweetness. Her arc moves from hiding her anger to owning it.
Julius Gong is both rival and mirror; his calm superiority provokes Sadie’s fury, but he also pushes her to stop performing.
Abigail Ong functions as a foil. She is unapologetically disruptive and encourages Sadie to “own it.” Her meddling in the leak—motivated by wanting to feel useful—complicates the theme: even the most loyal friend can be driven by her own insecurities.
Rosie Wilson‑Wang represents the classmates Sadie placates. Sadie gives her notes despite resentment, and Rosie’s cold reaction after the leak shows the fragility of approval‑based relationships.

Symbol Connections

Unsent email drafts symbolise the emotional labour of repression. They are the repository for every thought Sadie suppresses to maintain her perfect image. When they become public, the cost of that repression is laid bare.
The burned pot (referenced off‑page) can be read as a symbol of the domestic perfection Sadie chases—and her failure to control every variable.
Bike shed graffiti (written by Danny) represents the underside of the school’s cheerful facade and Sadie’s own hidden hostility. When she reveals Danny’s act, she steps away from being a passive victim.
The athletics carnival medal (referenced in the symbol page) ties to Sadie’s desire to win approval through measurable achievement, contrasting with the messiness of real relationships.

Complexity and Contradiction

The novel does not simplistically condemn perfectionism. Sadie’s drive earns her top grades, the role of school captain, a conditional offer to Berkeley, and the respect of teachers. Her ambition is partly motivated by love for her family. The problem is not the drive itself but the fact that she has made her entire identity external. She admits, “I would give them one of my own arms if they asked very nicely.” The leak is destructive, but it also releases the pressure valve. The resolution is not total rejection of ambition; rather, Sadie learns to pursue goals for herself rather than for approval. Her final email to Julius is both honest and ambitious—she wants him, and she refuses to hide it. The complexity lies in the fact that authenticity can coexist with high standards, but it cannot coexist with inauthenticity.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Sadie’s people‑pleasing mask her deeper insecurities, and what specific events expose that mask?
Answer: Sadie fears that without her perfect image, she will fall apart—just as her father’s absence left her family emotionally broken. Her unsent drafts reveal rage she cannot express. The leaked email to Ms. Johnson (“How unreasonable do you have to be…?”) directly confronts a teacher she normally fawns over, proving that her politeness was a performance.

2. Why does Sadie initially plan to “fix” the situation by hosting a party or baking cupcakes, and what does this reveal about her character?
Answer: Sadie falls back on her default strategy: earn goodwill through acts of service. This reveals that she equates love with labour and believes she can buy back her reputation. It also shows she is terrified of simply being disliked.

3. How does the symbol of the unsent email draft evolve over the course of the novel?
Answer: Initially, the drafts are a private safety valve—a place where Sadie is honest. After the leak, they become weapons against her. By the end, she uses the email form intentionally: she writes to Julius to confess love, not to vent. The draft transforms from a hiding place into a tool for authentic connection.

4. In what way does Julius Gong both trigger Sadie’s perfectionism and help her overcome it?
Answer: Julius’s effortless charm makes Sadie feel inadequate, fueling her need to compete and please. However, he is also the one who exposes her hypocrisy by reading her emails aloud. Later, he admits he is “terrified of losing her” and that she could “annihilate” him. This vulnerability from her rival allows Sadie to see that even the “perfect” Julius has hidden fears.

5. The novel suggests that people‑pleasing may actually be a form of selfishness. How is this contradiction explored?
Answer: Sadie’s constant giving—notes, tours, extra work—is framed as selflessness, but the narrative shows she gives in order to control how others see her. She wants to be indispensable so she can never be abandoned. That kind of giving is not free; it comes with an invisible ledger of resentment. Abigail’s meddling, though misguided, forces Sadie to see that true relationships cannot be transactional. Sadie learns to give without strings when she chooses Julius despite the gossip, not because she expects anything in return.