The Pony Farm: A Symbol of Dreaming and Renewal in Leslie Jordan's Memoir

Introduction

In Leslie Jordan’s memoir How Y’all Doing, the Pony Farm functions as far more than a plot element or childhood anecdote. It serves as a recurring symbol of imagination, resilience, and the sustaining power of personal dreams. Jordan revisits this motif across his life story, weaving it into his account of growing up in Tennessee, working in Thoroughbred racing, and later rediscovering horses in his sixties. The Pony Farm represents not a fixed goal but a fluid, evolving space where Jordan’s identity, family bonds, and creative spirit converge.

Literal Meaning of the Pony Farm

The term “pony farm” first appears in the memoir when Jordan, as an adult, attends a party at a Hamptons estate that was once a real pony farm. He stands by the window staring at the empty barns and paddocks, daydreaming about the farm he still hopes to own. This literal moment crystallizes a longing that began in early childhood. At five or six years old, Jordan began cutting horse photos from magazines and building pretend paddocks with fence boards his father gave him. He played alone for hours, galloping around as both rider and pony.

The childhood dream became real one Christmas when a black Shetland pony named Midnight appeared in the snow-covered backyard. Jordan’s family, though average-income, built a shed and kept the pony in a chain-link yard. Midnight became a neighborhood attraction, and Jordan let other kids ride him—a gesture of community that would echo later in his life.

As Jordan grew older, the literal pony farm expanded. He began reading books like Misty of Chincoteague, dreaming of the wild ponies of Assateague. In his late twenties, he worked at Old Mill Farm breaking yearlings to saddle and later exercised racehorses for Hall of Fame trainer Horatio Luro. This period gave him hands-on experience with high-value Thoroughbreds and a nomadic life following racing meets. Yet the core dream never left him. Decades later, at sixty-five, Jordan took saddle seat equitation lessons at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center, planning to eventually buy a show horse and compete. The Pony Farm, by this point, had grown to include room for American Saddlebred show horses alongside the Chincoteague ponies of his childhood reading.

How the Meaning Changes Across the Memoir

The Pony Farm symbol undergoes a clear evolution, mirroring Jordan’s personal growth.

Childhood: The dream is pure fantasy and play. It is a private world where Jordan can be himself, free from the shame he occasionally felt about his femininity. His parents foster this imaginative space, which he later credits for his acting and writing abilities.
Young adulthood: The dream becomes vocational. Working at Old Mill Farm and as an exercise rider, Jordan tests his passion in the real world. He experiences discipline, community, and the thrill of being around racehorses, but also the loneliness of constant travel. The farm shifts from a backyard haven to a professional environment where he learns about breaking horses and respecting an animal’s worth.
Midlife hiatus: During his acting career, horses fade from daily life. Still, Jordan occasionally visits equestrian centers, and the dream lies dormant. It resurfaces when he needs emotional grounding—for instance, after his father’s death and during recovery from addiction.
Later life: At sixty-five, Jordan returns to riding with renewed purpose. The Pony Farm now symbolizes not a future acquisition but a present source of unbridled happiness. He writes that dreams can “grow and expand as we grow and expand.” The symbol becomes a vehicle for joy, nostalgia, and self-acceptance. It no longer depends on owning land or ponies; the act of learning, of being back in the barn, is itself sustaining.

Connections to Characters and Themes

Character Links

Leslie Jordan – The Pony Farm is central to his self-concept. It represents the part of him that remains playful, childlike, and true to his earliest passions.
Peggy Jordan – His mother encouraged his reading and imagination; she supported the pony farm fantasy even when it meant a pony in the suburban backyard. Her love of books and the bookmobile visits nurtured the dream.
Allen Jordan – His father built the pony shed and paddocks, literally constructing the childhood farm. After his father’s death, Jordan associates the dream with paternal love and loss.
Cary Latimer Robinson and Horatio Luro – These real figures from Jordan’s horse-working years represent the professional side of the dream. Their eccentricity and mentorship shape his understanding of horsemanship and the horse world as a community.

Theme Connections

Identity and Shame – The Pony Farm is a space where Jordan escapes shame. In his imaginary play, he can be a horse or a rider without judgment. The dream remains a pure, unshamed part of his identity.
Recovery and Sobriety – Jordan’s return to horses at sixty-five coincides with his sobriety and emotional healing. The Pony Farm becomes a therapeutic anchor, offering structure and joy without substances.
Family and Community – The childhood pony brought neighborhood children together. Later, sharing the dream with friends and mentors reinforces community bonds. The Pony Farm is never a solitary possession; it is shared.
Performance and Authenticity – The pretend play that began with ponies directly fed Jordan’s acting career. The Pony Farm symbolizes the authenticity of pretending—the ability to inhabit a world fully, which he later brings to his performances.
Dealing with Loss – After his father’s death, the dream of the pony farm becomes a way to hold onto that relationship. At the Nationals baseball game, Jordan throws the first pitch in his father’s memory, and the horse motif resurfaces in the “My Last First Pitch” chapter, linking loss with the dream.

Four Study Questions with Answers

How does the Pony Farm symbolize the relationship between fantasy and resilience in Jordan’s life?
The Pony Farm represents a fantasy that Jordan never outgrows. Rather than abandoning it as impractical, he returns to it in hard times—after his father’s death, during recovery, and in the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic. The dream provides a steady imaginative resource, showing that fantasy can be a form of resilience.
In what ways does Jordan use the Pony Farm to explore his connection to his Southern roots?
The pony farm is deeply Southern: the land is plentiful, barns are common, and horse culture is woven into the region’s identity. Jordan’s descriptions of Moore’s Barn, the Shriners’ ponies, and the saddlebred traditions highlight how his dream is shaped by a specifically Southern rural landscape, even as he later encounters horses in Los Angeles.
What role does sharing the Pony Farm play in Jordan’s relationships with others?
From letting neighborhood kids ride Midnight to working alongside other riders at Old Mill Farm, the dream is never solitary. Sharing the pony farm—through letters from grown children who remember riding his pony, or through his Instagram community that supports his stories—becomes a way of building and maintaining bonds.
Why does Jordan emphasize that the Pony Farm dream can “grow and expand”?
Jordan explicitly states that dreams keep us “childlike” and can expand as we do. The Pony Farm begins with a single pony, grows to include thoroughbreds and saddlebreds, and finally embraces the wild ponies of Chincoteague. This expansion mirrors Jordan’s own growth from a shy boy to a viral social media star. It suggests that holding onto a core dream does not mean staying the same; rather, the dream adapts to offer new meaning at each life stage.