The Vacuum: Chapter 11 Summary and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens in February 2020, when Sedaris travels to South America with his friend Dawn. During customs in Santiago, his temperature is taken with a pistol-style thermometer, his first encounter with pandemic-era screening. On the return flight, he silently judges fellow passengers wearing masks, a stance he later regrets.

By March, the pandemic reaches New York. His local grocery store transforms overnight from a quiet, depressing underground space into a scene of panic buying. Toilet paper vanishes first, followed by substitutes like tissues and paper towels, then convenience foods and jug vodka. Sedaris attempts to hoard but fails repeatedly: at Whole Foods he buys two steaks and dried coconut; at another store, buttermilk and taco shells; at Eataly with his sister Amy, Jordan almonds, anchovies, and artisan hot dogs. Hugh calls him pathetic.

The failed hoarding prompts reflection on his father, a professional stockpiler during the 1973 oil crisis who waited in line at dawn and taught his children to siphon gasoline. Sedaris imagines how his father would have dominated a pandemic-era Costco run, and contrasts this with his own ineptitude, shared by sisters Amy and Lisa.

As Manhattan empties, services disappear: housekeepers, personal assistants, babysitters, furniture deliveries, and cabs all vanish. Sedaris finds ways to cope with isolation, including long conversations with his doorman and increasingly obsessive vacuuming. Hugh observes that he is simply killing time. At night, Sedaris takes long walks through deserted streets, encountering a man with a black eye, dozens of rats, heroin addicts on Fifth Avenue, a man with a hostile encampment, and an actual clown in Times Square. A refrigerated truck outside a nearby hospital stores the dead.

Sedaris, Hugh, and Amy fly frequently to North Carolina to wave at his father through the window of his locked-down assisted living facility. In Emerald Isle, locals treat the virus as a hoax. Back in New York, Sedaris and Hugh host frequent dinner parties, claiming guests are in their bubble when they are not. Ground water buffalo from the Union Square farmers' market becomes their staple, appearing in moussaka, Bolognese, stuffed grape leaves, and enchiladas.

Sedaris grows increasingly irritated by pandemic language—