Chapter summaries Good Dirt Charmaine Wilkerson

Chapter 105: Soh – A Mother’s Grief on Baz’s 20th Anniversary

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter takes place in January 2020, on the twentieth anniversary of Baz’s death—also his birthday. Soh’s usual coping rituals have included avoiding all news, visiting Baz’s grave, staying home, and limiting phone calls to family and the Pittses. Adelaide Pitts, who was the first person to reach Ebby after Baz was shot, understood that Soh needed to hear every detail of what the Pittses witnessed that day, but also that Soh wanted to talk about Baz’s life. Soh recalls how Baz had run into the Pittses’ house to announce his debate-team membership, how rapidly he was maturing, and how he adored his little sister, always giving in to her schemes to play. Soh believes she will live her remaining years caught between tears and laughter, between loss and love.

Because of this need to focus on Baz’s life, Soh never returned to the bereavement group her therapist recommended. The first meeting was fine—everyone shared how they lost their children—but as time passed and new members arrived, Soh wanted to talk more about how her son had lived. She also wanted to voice the terrible question that was never asked: not “why did this happen to my son,” but “how can I be sure nothing bad will ever happen to my daughter?” Ebby, the child left behind, faces public curiosity, the dangers of crossing the street to school, meningitis, older boys and men, and learning to drive.

Soh reveals that her daughter is the only reason she is still alive. Years ago, desperate to silence the rage in her head, she deliberately aimed her car at a bank of trees. But she stopped herself because of Ebby—her second-born, her baby. Soh willed herself to be present for her daughter, offering nothing more than her presence and her determination to keep Ebby alive. The chapter ends with the realization that things are different now, and that today—the anniversary—will be different from past ones.

Key Events

January 2020 marks the 20th anniversary of Baz’s death and his birthday.
Soh describes her usual avoidance rituals: no news, grave visit, staying indoors, only speaking to family and the Pittses.
Adelaide Pitts is remembered as the first person to reach Ebby after the shooting; she told Soh everything without holding back.
Soh recalls happy memories of Baz: joining the debate team, rapidly maturing, doting on his little sister.
Soh explains why she stopped attending the grief support group: she needed to talk about how Baz lived, not just how he died.
Soh admits her deepest fear: how to keep Ebby safe from all the dangers of growing up.
Soh reveals that she once drove her car toward a tree but stopped because of Ebby; her daughter alone kept her alive.
The chapter closes with Soh’s sense that today will be different.

Character Development

Soh emerges as a mother shaped by two decades of layered grief. Her coping mechanisms—avoidance, ritual, selective communication—show a woman trying to control the uncontrollable. The key revelation is that she nearly ended her own life but chose to live for Ebby. This decision highlights her fierce, if fragile, sense of purpose. Her refusal to return to the grief group indicates a deep need to honor Baz’s living personality rather than reduce him to a victim. The final line, “things are different now,” hints at a possible turning point in her emotional journey.

Adelaide Pitts is not a major character in this chapter, but her actions are critical to Soh’s healing. Adelaide’s willingness to share both the traumatic details of the day Baz died and the joyful memories of his life gave Soh a model for how to grieve without erasing the person.

Ebby appears solely through Soh’s thoughts, yet her presence is the gravitational center of the chapter. She is the reason Soh survived, and Soh’s anxiety for her safety underscores the perpetual vigilance of a mother who has already lost one child.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Grief that honors life, not death – The central tension of the chapter is Soh’s need to talk about Baz’s life, which the grief group did not accommodate. This theme challenges the typical narrative that grieving families must focus on the loss.

Motherhood as survival instinct – Soh’s near-suicide and her halting of the car because of Ebby illustrate that maternal love can be the most powerful force against despair. Soh does not say she wanted to live for herself; she lived for her daughter.

The tree as a symbol of crisis – The bank of trees Soh aimed for represents the place where her grief threatened to end her life. The tree is both a target (self-destruction) and a barrier (the thought of Ebby stopped her). It is a tangible marker of the darkest moment in her mourning.

Anniversary as ritual and rupture – For twenty years, Soh repeated the same avoidance rituals on this date. The chapter’s final sentence, “today will be different,” suggests a rupture in that pattern, though the nature of the change is left open—perhaps acceptance, perhaps a new way of remembering.

Why This Chapter Matters

It provides the most direct account of Soh’s internal state since Baz’s death, explaining her character’s behavior across the novel.
It deepens the reader’s understanding of the family’s grief by giving voice to the mother’s perspective, which is often filtered through Ebby’s eyes.
The revelation of Soh’s near-suicide adds a layer of vulnerability and resilience to her character, making her earlier actions and decisions more poignant.
The chapter reframes the tragedy not only as the loss of Baz but as the constant, exhausting work of protecting Ebby from a world that feels unsafe.
The theme of “honoring the life lived” rather than “the death suffered” may resonate with other characters’ arcs and with the novel’s broader meditation on memory and legacy.

Study Questions and Answers

Why did Soh stop attending the grief support group, despite her therapist’s recommendation?
Soh felt the group focused too much on how the children had died. She needed to talk about how Baz had lived—his achievements, his personality, his love for his sister. The group’s structure, which shifted as new members joined, did not allow for that kind of life-centered sharing.
What was the “most terrible of questions” that Soh wanted to ask at the group, and why was it so difficult?
Soh wanted to ask not “why did this happen to my son” but “how can I be sure that nothing bad will ever happen to my daughter.” The question was terrible because it cannot be answered permanently; it exposes the uncontrollable nature of life and the helplessness a parent feels, especially after already losing one child.
How did Adelaide Pitts help Soh in her grieving process?
Adelaide was the first person to reach Ebby after the shooting and later told Soh everything she and Bob had witnessed, without holding back. Equally important, she understood that Soh needed to talk about Baz’s life, not just his death, and shared memories of his enthusiasm for the debate team and his kindness to his sister. This balanced attention to both the trauma and the joy helped Soh find a way to live between loss and love.