The Power of Found Family in Say You'll Remember Me

Defining Chosen Family in Abby Jimenez’s Novel

In Say You’ll Remember Me, Abby Jimenez presents a clear thematic claim: family is built through deliberate choice and steadfast loyalty, not merely through blood or obligation. This concept is most powerfully embodied by Dr. Xavier Rush, who, after escaping a physically and emotionally abusive childhood, slowly constructs a network of people who love him without condition. The novel does not dismiss biological family—Samantha Diaz’s fierce devotion to her mother Lisa and the rest of her household is central—but it uses Xavier’s parallel journey to argue that the bonds we consciously forge can be as deep and sustaining as any inherited tie.

Xavier’s Path from Isolation to Belonging

When readers first meet Xavier, he is a guarded, cynical veterinarian who has cut off all contact with his parents. He works long hours and spends holidays alone because he feels he would be “intruding” on his friends’ family gatherings. His early chosen family consists of his clinic staff and a few friends, most notably Hank, an elderly man Xavier helped as a boy. Hank later becomes an “honorary grandfather” who stands in as father of the groom at Xavier’s wedding. The novel traces this growth across three major plot movements.

1. The Seeds of a New Circle

Xavier’s backstory reveals that his parents monitored his social media hoping for proof of his failure. Yet he refuses to block them, instead choosing to thrive as a silent act of defiance. His volunteer work at animal rescues and the loyalty of his clinic team show that he has already begun to replace his toxic blood relatives with people who respect him. When Samantha discovers his volunteer record, she sees the compassionate man behind the gruff exterior. This early evidence establishes that Xavier’s chosen family exists even before the central romance begins.

2. Integration Through Crisis

The most significant expansion of Xavier’s found family occurs after Samantha’s grandmother dies on Christmas Eve. Despite having spent nearly all his savings on an emergency flight, Xavier arrives at 1:08 a.m. and immediately takes over practical tasks—cooking, walking the dog, managing Lisa’s dementia-driven meltdowns. He spends nine days living with the family, becoming a steady presence who allows Samantha to break down and laugh again. During this time, Samantha makes him promise to spend every future Christmas with her, declaring, “I’m your family.” Xavier reflects that he never felt he belonged to anyone until her. This crisis transforms Xavier from an outsider into an indispensable member of the Diaz household.

3. The Blended Future

The epilogue, set eleven months later, solidifies the found-family theme. Xavier has opened a second veterinary clinic in California, made possible because Hank recruited retired colleagues to keep the Minnesota practice running. Hank walks Samantha down the aisle as father of the groom. Xavier now helps care for Lisa alongside Samantha’s father and siblings, and the boys call him “Uncle Z.” The novel’s final image shows the entire extended family—biological and chosen—taking Lisa for a drive in the Dodge Dart, her tape player filling the air with Alanis Morissette. The narrative makes clear that the family has grown, not replaced, and that Xavier’s presence has strengthened everyone.

Symbolic Connections to Chosen Family

Jimenez threads several symbols through the novel that reinforce the found-family theme.

These objects are not merely decorative; they carry emotional weight that binds characters to one another. The Dodge Dart, for example, is initially a source of anxiety for Xavier (no airbags), but by the epilogue it becomes the vehicle for a cherished Mother’s Day ride—a symbol of the family’s collective care for Lisa.

Complexity and Contradiction

Jimenez does not romanticize found family at the expense of biological ties. Samantha’s relationship with her blood relatives is loving but fraught. Her mother’s early-onset dementia places enormous strain on everyone. Her father, exhausted and isolated, nearly has an affair; the family nearly fractures under the weight of caregiving. Samantha’s sister Jeneva struggles with anger, and her brother Tristan resents the changes. The novel acknowledges that biological family can be a source of both profound love and deep difficulty.

Xavier’s chosen family, while life-giving, also carries its own costs. He must maintain a two-state life, flying back and forth to honor both his Minnesota clinic and his new California roots. The financial strain nearly breaks him. And the existence of his chosen family does not erase the pain of his biological one—he still monitors his father’s social media views, a quiet wound that never fully heals. The theme therefore is not a simple “found family is better,” but rather that family of any kind requires active choice, communication, and sacrifice.

The novel also contrasts Xavier’s situation with Samantha’s. She often feels trapped by obligation; Xavier is free to build from scratch. Yet when Samantha proposes breaking up to protect Xavier from her chaos, he refuses. His refusal is not romantic ignorance but a statement of commitment: he chooses her, fully aware of the burdens. This reciprocal choosing—Xavier choosing Samantha’s family as his own, and Samantha choosing to let him in despite her fear—is the heart of the theme.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Xavier’s relationship with Hank represent the idea that found family can start in childhood?
   Hank encountered Xavier as a boy and helped him, and later Xavier helped Hank in return. Their bond, renewed in adulthood, shows that chosen family can be seeded early and rekindled. Hank becomes an honorary grandfather and officiates Xavier’s wedding, illustrating that these connections often span a lifetime.

2. Why does Samantha insist Xavier promise to spend every Christmas with her? What does this request reveal about the novel’s view of family?
   Because Xavier had always spent Christmas alone, working. Her demand is a deliberate act of inclusion—declaring him family. It demonstrates that family is not merely a label but an active commitment to show up, especially during holidays and crises.

3. In what ways does the Dodge Dart function as a symbol of both biological and chosen family?
   The Dart carries the lost jewelry that belonged to Samantha’s grandmother, a biological heirloom. Yet it also carries Xavier, her husband, and the whole blended family on joyous outings. The car bridges the past and present, implying that memory and love can coexist across genetic and chosen lines.

4. The novel includes a subplot about Samantha’s father possibly having an affair. How does this complicate the theme of found family?
   It shows that biological families can fracture under stress, even when love is present. The father’s near-affair is a cry for connection outside his primary role as caregiver. The family eventually talks through it, reinforcing that both blood and chosen relationships require honest communication to survive.

5. Xavier’s parents never apologize. How does this absence shape his understanding of chosen family?
   Since he will never receive acknowledgment from his birth parents, Xavier learns to value the people who choose to understand and support him without being asked. His found family—Samantha, Hank, his clinic team—gives him the peace and belonging that his blood family refused to offer. This absence drives home that family is what you make of it, not what you inherit.

For a deeper look at the characters and symbols that support this theme, visit our character page for Xavier Rush, learn more about Samantha Diaz, or explore the significance of the Dodge Dart convertible and Come On Eileen. The novel’s main page offers a complete overview.