Chapter 12: Xavier – Confronting Feelings and Family
Spoiler Warning: This summary contains details from Chapter 12 of Say You'll Remember Me. If you haven't read up to this chapter, proceed with caution.
Summary
Xavier meets his three closest friends—Mike, Chris, and Jesse—at the gym after avoiding them for two weeks. He admits that Samantha left two weeks ago. The friends press him on why he hasn't tried to contact her or pursue a relationship. Xavier lists practical obstacles: no money (clinic debt, student loans), no time (only veterinarian at the clinic, rescue commitments), and the distance (Samantha is in Minnesota). Mike accuses him of being stupid for taking Samantha's instruction to forget her literally. Chris suggests long-distance dating, but Xavier dismisses it. Later, Xavier reveals he has already been planning the trip in his head, checking Murkle's Instagram multiple times a day, and restraining himself from liking posts. He considers calling or texting Samantha but hesitates. When he checks his Instagram story views, he sees his father's profile picture, reminder of his estranged parents who monitor his social media hoping to see him fail. He decides not to block his father or react, putting the phone down instead.
Key Events
- Xavier meets Mike, Chris, and Jesse at the gym after a two-week absence.
- He confesses that Samantha has been gone for two weeks.
- His friends challenge his passivity and push him to consider long-distance options.
- Xavier reveals his financial and time constraints that make the relationship seem impossible.
- He admits to obsessively checking Murkle's Instagram and planning a trip to see Samantha in his head.
- He checks his own Instagram story and sees his father has viewed it, triggering memories of family estrangement.
- Xavier chooses not to block his father or react, maintaining his non-engagement stance.
Character Development
Xavier is torn between rational pragmatism and emotional desire. His friends' tough love highlights his tendency to overcommit to responsibilities (clinic, rescue) at the expense of personal happiness. The revelation about his parents deepens his backstory: he left a regimented household, built a successful career, but still feels haunted by his father's continued surveillance. His refusal to block his father shows his determination to not let them control his reactions.
Mike serves as the blunt voice of reason, calling Xavier out for making excuses. Chris and Jesse support Mike's push, showing that Xavier's friends genuinely want him to seize happiness. Samantha remains offstage but her presence looms large; she is the catalyst for Xavier's internal conflict. Murkle the cat functions as a symbolic link—Xavier monitors the cat's Instagram to stay connected to Samantha. Xavier's father represents the toxic family history that Xavier has escaped but not yet fully healed from.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Fear of Regret: Xavier admits he would always wonder "what if" if he does not pursue Samantha, driving him toward an impractical decision.
- Overcommitment vs. Self-Care: His friends argue he should delegate or step back from the rescue to make time for a relationship.
- Family Estrangement: The father's surveillance underscores the emotional cost of Xavier's independence—he must constantly prove his worth while ignoring provocations.
- Social Media as Connection and Surveillance: Xavier uses Instagram to spy on Samantha (via Murkle's page) and is himself watched by his father. The platform becomes a double-edged sword of desire and pressure.
- The Cat as Proxy: Murkle's Instagram, including the mustard meme, provides a safe, indirect way for Xavier to feel close to Samantha without direct communication.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter crystallizes Xavier's central dilemma: he must choose between playing it safe (staying in his labor-intensive life) or taking a risk (pursuing Samantha despite obstacles). It also deepens his character by revealing the family wounds that shape his stoicism and his reluctance to show vulnerability. The chapter sets up a decision point that will likely define the next phase of the story.
Study Questions and Answers
-
What specific reasons does Xavier give his friends for not contacting Samantha?
Answer: Xavier says he barely gets days off because he is the only doctor at the clinic and also runs the rescue. He also claims financial limitations: the clinic isn't paid off, he takes a minimal paycheck, and he has rent, student loans, a car payment, and bills. -
How does Xavier react when he sees his father viewed his Instagram story?
Answer: He feels his jaw tighten. He recalls a past attempt at reconciliation where a family friend demanded he care for his parents, followed by a hateful email from his father. Xavier decides not to block his father because blocking would be a reaction; he wants to show no engagement. -
What does Xavier's compulsive checking of Murkle's Instagram reveal about his feelings for Samantha?
Answer: It shows that despite his verbal resistance, he is deeply invested. He restrains himself from liking posts to avoid seeming obsessive, and he even made his own Instagram public in hopes she would see his content. This behavior contradicts his claim that pursuing her is impractical.