Themes Reminders of Him Colleen Hoover

Motherhood in Reminders of Him: Kenna’s Desperate Love and the Fight for Diem

Defining the Thematic Claim

In Reminders of Him, Colleen Hoover presents motherhood as an instinctual, sacrificial love that exists independently of social judgment, legal standing, or personal perfection. The novel argues that a mother’s bond with her child is not erased by incarceration, past mistakes, or even the child’s absence—it persists as a raw, driving force that demands expression. Kenna Rowan’s journey forces readers to ask: does the system value a mother’s love, or only her record? Hoover complicates this question by showing multiple mother figures, each flawed in different ways, and by refusing to grant Kenna easy redemption.

Tracing Motherhood Across the Plot

1. The Birth That Never Happened (Chapters 14–15)

Kenna’s motherhood begins in trauma. After a premature delivery, Diem is whisked to the NICU while Kenna is returned to prison—her arms “empty,” her milk painfully engorged with no baby to nurse. In a prison library, she meets Ivy, a fellow inmate who offers brutal advice: “Are you going to live in your sadness or die in it?” This moment reframes motherhood as a choice of endurance. Kenna names her kitten Ivy to honor that mentor, a symbolic adoption of the maternal guidance she lacked.

Simultaneously, Kenna tries to enlist her own mother to seek grandparent visitation. The prison meeting reveals a woman who resents having to “fight” for Kenna as a child and now refuses to drive five hours to bring a granddaughter. Kenna realizes she is utterly alone. This contrast—between the biological grandmother who withholds care and the incarcerated mother who desperately wants to give it—establishes the novel’s central tension: motherhood is defined by action, not blood.

2. Seeing Her Daughter for the First Time (Chapter 21)

Ledger, initially hostile, becomes the conduit for Kenna’s maternal awakening. When he shows her videos of Diem on his phone, Kenna transforms “before [his] eyes” into someone else—someone he describes as “becoming a mother” in that moment. She watches for nearly an hour, laughing and crying, memorizing Diem’s voice and mannerisms. The scene is powerful because it occurs outside any legal structure: no court order grants her this connection; it is a private, stolen gift. Hoover uses Ledger’s perspective to emphasize the sacredness of this encounter, calling it “the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

3. Rebuilding a Relationship with Diem (Chapters 33–43)

By Mother’s Day, Kenna’s presence in Diem’s life is tentative but real. Ledger buys flowers for Grace but forgets to acknowledge Kenna—an oversight that stings because Kenna is the true mother who has received no recognition. Later, Kenna and Diem visit Scotty’s roadside cross. When Diem asks if wishes work, Kenna gently explains that babies are not “bought at Walmart” but grown in a mother’s belly—a subtle affirmation of her own role. Finally, the epilogue reveals Kenna now sees Diem daily, stays over twice a week, and has given birth to a son named Scotty. Motherhood has been restored not through legal victory, but through earned trust and love.

Character and Symbol Connections

Characters as Mother Figures

  • Kenna Rowan: The biological mother whose love is desperate yet constrained by guilt and circumstance. She never holds Diem after birth, yet she writes letters to Scotty (a private motherhood ritual) and must prove herself worthy.
  • Grace Landry: The grandmother who raises Diem from infancy. She is protective, loving, and initially unwilling to let Kenna in. Grace represents the “adequate” mother Kenna never had—present, stable, but also flawed in her inability to tell Diem the truth about why her mother is absent.
  • Kenna’s mother: A neglectful, self-centered figure who abandoned Kenna emotionally and physically. She refuses to help in prison, underscoring that biology alone does not make a mother.
  • Ivy (the inmate): A surrogate maternal mentor who teaches Kenna to live inside her grief. Ivy’s words—“live in your sadness or die in it”—become Kenna’s mantra.
  • Ledger Ward: Though not a mother, he functions as a maternal protector when he shows Kenna videos of Diem, effectively facilitating her motherhood at its most vulnerable moment.

Symbolic Objects

  • Wooden cross: Originally stolen from Scotty’s accident site, it symbolizes Kenna’s guilt and her eventual reclamation. Returning it with Diem becomes a ritual of healing and shared memory.
  • Letters to Scotty: Kenna’s ongoing epistolary confession is a private space where she processes her maternal failures and hopes. The letters are her motherhood journal.
  • Orange truck: Triggers memories of how she met Scotty. It also becomes the vehicle through which Ledger brings Kenna closer to Diem—first driving her away from the bar, later carrying her to see her daughter.
  • Antique ring: A symbol of the future Kenna and Scotty planned, now a reminder of what was lost. It also hints at Kenna’s potential new relationship with Ledger.
  • Kitten Ivy: Named after the inmate who saved Kenna’s spirit. The kitten becomes a practice in care and a bridge to her maternal instincts.

Complexity and Contradiction

Hoover refuses to make motherhood simple. Kenna’s role in Scotty’s death is undeniable—she was driving drunk, sped, crashed, and left the scene. The court and the community see her as “remorseless,” but Kenna explains she was too broken to defend herself. The novel questions whether one tragic mistake should permanently sever a mother from her child. Yet it also honors the Landrys’ perspective: Diem is safe and happy, and Kenna’s return threatens that stability.

The biggest contradiction lies in Kenna’s own mother. She failed Kenna, yet she fought twice to get her back from foster care. Kenna both needs and despises her. Hoover does not offer tidy reconciliation. Instead, she suggests that motherhood exists on a spectrum—from utterly absent (Kenna’s mother) to partially adequate (Grace) to fiercely loving but flawed (Kenna). The epilogue implies that healing comes when multiple caregivers (Kenna, Grace, Patrick, Ledger) collaborate, not when one is declared the “right” mother.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Kenna steal the wooden cross in Chapter 1, and how does this act connect to her identity as a mother?
Kenna steals the cross because she knows Scotty hated roadside memorials; she later returns it with Diem, transforming a symbol of guilt into a shared act of respect. This arc mirrors her maternal journey from desperate theft (trying to claim a connection) to earned belonging (rightfully standing with her daughter at Scotty’s site).

2. How does Ledger’s decision to show Kenna videos of Diem function as a turning point for the motherhood theme?
Ledger’s act bypasses the legal and social barriers that keep Kenna from her child. By witnessing Diem’s life for the first time, Kenna becomes a mother in the only way she can—through sight and sound. The scene demonstrates that motherhood is not a legal status but a visceral, immediate bond.

3. Compare Kenna’s mother with Grace Landry. How do these two women shape Kenna’s understanding of what a mother should be?
Kenna’s mother is neglectful and self-centered, offering no support even when Kenna begs for help from prison. Grace is protective and consistent, raising Diem with love. Kenna sees in Grace the “adequate” mother she never had, but also recognizes that Grace’s control over access to Diem recreates the power imbalance Kenna suffered as a child.

4. In what ways does the epilogue resolve or complicate the theme of motherhood?
The epilogue shows Kenna integrated into Diem’s life, with daily visits and an overnight schedule. It also reveals Kenna has given birth to a son named Scotty, suggesting a second chance. However, Kenna still has no legal custody—her motherhood remains conditional on the Landrys’ goodwill. The resolution is emotionally satisfying but legally fragile.

5. How does the symbol of the kitten Ivy relate to Kenna’s growth as a mother?
Kenna names the kitten after the inmate who taught her to endure grief. Caring for Ivy the kitten becomes a rehearsal for mothering: she keeps it safe, feeds it, and worries about its well-being. By the end, Kenna’s ability to nurture a pet parallels her growing readiness to parent a human child.