The Pen as Shovel: How Writing Becomes a Weapon Against Death in I'll Fly Away

What Is the Pen as Shovel?

In Rudy Francisco's I'll Fly Away, the image of a pen turning into a shovel appears most directly in the poem "This is how I scare the dirt." There, the speaker describes intimidating soil away from a coffin and reversing his own burial. The final lines read: "Sometimes, / a pen / is also a shovel." The metaphor transforms the act of writing from a passive creative outlet into an active tool for survival—one that can bury a grave or dig the writer out of one. This symbol recurs across the collection in poems about depression, legacy, fatherhood, and language itself, evolving in meaning as the speaker faces different kinds of death: physical, emotional, and social.

Literal Meaning and First Appearance

The pen as a shovel appears literally in Chapter 3. The speaker declares to death "Not today" and claims to intimidate the soil. The shovel here is not for digging a hole to be buried in; it is for unburying oneself. The pen becomes an instrument of defiance against mortality. The word "shovel" also carries connotations of labor, of working the ground. Writing becomes hard work—the work of staying alive.

In the same collection, the poem "Most of what I know" tells us the speaker has learned from falling and pressing hands against the earth until vertical. The ground teaches flight better than the sky. This connects to the shovel: the writer digs into the dirt (pain, grief, memory) and uses those materials to rise.

Where the Symbol Reappears and How Its Meaning Shifts

The pen-shovel does not appear literally again, but its logic—writing as a tool to combat death and despair—shows up in several key poems.

Poem	How the Pen-Shovel Appears	Shift in Meaning
"This is how I scare the dirt"	Direct metaphor: pen = shovel	Writing as literal resurrection tool
"Drowning Fish"	Run-on sentence that "could've ended right there, but it found a reason to just kept going"	Writing as a lifeline against depression; the pen digs you out of the canal
"Legend has it"	J Dilla makes instrumentals from the living parts of his body	Art production as a way to grind yourself into legacy; the shovel becomes a tool for building a monument
"Mama Saba asks"	English is a shiny hammer—limited but the only tool	Writing is powerful but incomplete; the shovel cannot always dig the right hole
"and the morning shows up"	Each day has "free refills"; the speaker gets out of bed	Writing is not mentioned directly, but the act of telling yourself to smile is a daily resurrection; the shovel becomes gratitude
"Sometimes I'm the mess"	Speaker must be both mess and broom	The writer is both the problem and the tool; the shovel is the self

The meaning broadens from a weapon against physical death to a tool against spiritual death, depression, and erasure. In "Drowning Fish," the speaker uses poetry as a run-on sentence—a refusal to end. In "Legend has it," J Dilla uses his production equipment to turn his own dying body into beats, giving his listeners "debris" they can carry. The shovel has become a means of legacy: you bury yourself in your art so that something of you remains above ground.

Character Connections

The Speaker (Rudy): Every use of the pen-shovel flows from the speaker's first-person experience. He employs the pen to process his father's dementia, his own depression, and his daughter's growth. In "Zoey," he measures the world by her dimensions; the pen-shovel digs a safe space for her. In "I say black fatherhood," he whispers his daughter's name instead of resorting to violence—the name acts as a shovel that deflects rage.
Mama Saba: Her question reveals the limits of the English language. The pen-shovel here is a shiny hammer—useful but unable to capture every feeling. Mama Saba indirectly reminds the speaker that the tool can fail, yet he must keep using it.
J Dilla: His story exemplifies the pen-shovel as a means of posthumous flight. He grinds himself into sand and offers it to listeners. The shovel digs not a grave but a channel for his music to travel into places he never goes.
Ricky: The community tries to negotiate for Ricky's life, offering others in exchange. The "language barrier" suggests the pen-shovel is not enough to save him from systemic violence. This connects to the theme of systemic racism and violence.
Zoey: The three-foot-tall, sixteen-pound daughter shrinks the world to a size the speaker can hold. The pen-shovel becomes a tool of care: he writes for her, he writes to stay alive for her.

Theme Connections

Language and Its Limitations: The pen-shovel is most powerful when the speaker acknowledges its weaknesses. In "Mama Saba asks," he admits English cannot translate every experience. Yet he keeps writing. The shovel may not always strike the right spot, but it is the only tool he has.
Defiance and Resilience: The core of the symbol is the line "What do we tell the god of death? / Not today." The pen-shovel is a declaration of defiance against every force that tries to bury the speaker: depression, racism, grief.
Legacy and Memory: J Dilla's hospital instrumentals and the run-on sentence in "Drowning Fish" both argue that the pen-shovel builds something lasting. Writing becomes a way to outlast your own body.
Love and Family: The speaker's love for Zoey and his mother (Simeona Francisco, who calls rain a carwash) fuels the will to keep digging. The shovel is powered by relationship.
Systemic Racism and Violence: In poems like "The youth choir sings 'I believe I can fly'" and "And maybe we all know a 'Ricky'," the pen-shovel is used to expose injustice. But it cannot always stop the violence—the tool has limits.

Study Questions and Answers

In "This is how I scare the dirt," the speaker says a pen is also a shovel. What does that metaphor mean in the context of the poem?
The shovel is used to intimidate soil and reverse burial. The speaker is writing as a way to refuse death. The pen becomes a tool that digs the writer out of the grave, not into it. It is an act of resurrection through language.
How does the pen-shovel metaphor connect to the speaker's depression in "Drowning Fish"?
The speaker describes feeling like a drowning fish—all the oxygen becomes water. He compares himself to a run-on sentence that kept going. The pen-shovel here is the act of continuing to write, to breathe, and to tell himself "it's going to be ok." Writing helps him float when he feels like he is sinking.
In "Legend has it," J Dilla makes music from his hospital bed. How does this extend the pen-shovel idea beyond literal writing?
J Dilla uses his production equipment as a shovel. He grinds his own body into sand and offers it to listeners. This shifts the metaphor from writing to any creative act that transforms one's limited time into something others can carry. The shovel digs a channel for legacy.
Why does "Mama Saba asks" complicate the pen-shovel's power?
The poem shows that the speaker's only language (English) is like a shiny hammer—beautiful but limited. He cannot find a word for what Mama Saba wants. The pen-shovel is not all-powerful; there are experiences it cannot dig up or translate. Yet the speaker must keep using it. The symbol gains depth by acknowledging its own failure.