Chapter 10: Anxiety, Family Secrets, and the Open Mind
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
It’s Thursday, and Audre is counting down the hours until her Friday “nondate” with Bash. To distract herself, she fills her days with random activities: FaceTiming Reshma, rereading Evelyn Hugo, swimming laps. She worries about what Bash will think of her, whether Clio (the girl from Prospect Park) is his girlfriend, and whether she’s crossing a line. A text exchange with Bash reassures her—he says to bring “an open mind.”
When Audre comes home, she finds her mother Eva wearing her Italian lace wedding veil. Eva is editing her memoir and admits revisiting her childhood is “tricky” and “draining,” but she refuses to share details, promising to fill Audre in later. Audre feels frustrated by her family’s complexity: two sets of parents, two coasts, a half-sister (Baby Alice), and different last names on their Christmas cards. She wishes her life were simpler.
Audre asks Eva if she’s “cute,” which triggers a panicked sex talk from Eva. Eva warns Audre not to compare herself to Reshma and explains that everyone moves at their own pace. Audre internally recalls her prom night panic attack and feels shame. She wants to tell Eva about her struggles—her fading sense of self, her humiliation—but stays silent. When Eva asks about her plans tomorrow, Audre mentions meeting Bash. Eva insists a parent must be present; Audre lies that there will be parents at Bash’s house.
Key Events
- Audre anxiously awaits her Friday meeting with Bash and distracts herself with busywork.
- Text exchange: Bash confirms the noon meeting and tells her to bring an “open mind.”
- Audre worries about Clio and whether she is helping someone cheat.
- Eva is found wearing her wedding veil, stressed about her memoir edits.
- Eva hints at a difficult childhood but refuses to elaborate.
- Audre reflects on her fragmented family identity (two homes, half-sister, different last names).
- Eva and Audre have an awkward conversation about sex after Audre asks if she’s “cute.”
- Eva explains Reshma’s sexual history as stemming from a need for affection; Audre agrees.
- Audre internally recalls her prom night panic attack and feels like a “train wreck.”
- Audre lies to Eva about there being parents at Bash’s house to get permission to go.
Character Development
Audre shows deepening insecurity about her romantic and sexual inexperience. She compares herself to Reshma and feels “behind.” Her internal monologue reveals she struggles with “golden child syndrome” and being parentified—she feels pressure to be perfect and not cause trouble. She desperately wants to confide in her mother about her prom night trauma but holds back, reflecting a new layer of shame and isolation.
Eva remains loving but guarded. She deflects questions about her own past, hinting at trauma she’s not ready to share. Her overreaction to Audre’s question about being “cute” shows her own anxiety about her daughter growing up. She attempts to be supportive but misses the depth of Audre’s pain.
Bash appears only in texts, but his humor (“suffocated tragically”) and insistence on an “open mind” suggest he is patient and willing to meet Audre where she is.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Family secrets and intergenerational trauma: Eva’s reluctance to discuss her childhood and her vague allusions to pain hint at a cycle of silence that Audre is already experiencing.
Perfectionism and parentification: Audre’s internal rant about golden child syndrome (“an adultlike need to always be perfect”) directly names the pressure she feels to never be a problem.
Sexual shame and timing: The contrast between Reshma’s openness and Audre’s panic attack underscores the theme that everyone moves at their own pace, yet Audre feels defective.
The “open mind” motif: Bash’s request becomes a symbol of Audre’s willingness to be vulnerable—and her fear of what that might uncover.
The wedding veil: Eva wearing the veil while discussing her memoir suggests the veil of secrecy around her past is literally present.
Why This Chapter Matters
Chapter 10 deepens Audre’s internal conflict and sets the emotional stakes for her first challenge with Bash. It reveals the widening gap between Audre and her mother—Audre is hungry for honesty and connection, but Eva is not yet ready to share. The chapter also foreshadows the revelations in Eva’s memoir, hinting at a painful backstory that will likely affect both mother and daughter. Audre’s lie about Bash’s house shows she is willing to risk deception for a chance at something real, raising the question of what she will sacrifice to feel seen.
Study Questions and Answers
1. What does Audre mean when she thinks about “golden child syndrome” and “parentified child syndrome”?
Audre describes these as an “adultlike need to always be perfect, to never be a problem, to not cause chaos, to parent your actual parents.” She feels she has lived under that pressure and fears it will lead to a breakdown. This explains why she hides her true feelings from Eva.
2. Why does Audre lie to her mother about there being parents at Bash’s house?
Audre knows Eva wants a parent present for safety, but she doesn’t believe that rule is realistic (as seen at Nola Stone’s party). More importantly, she wants to keep her plans with Bash without interference, and she feels she is not a child anymore. The lie gives her freedom but also distances her from honesty.
3. How does Eva’s reaction to Audre’s question about being “cute” reveal her own anxieties?
Eva immediately jumps to questions about sex and protection, showing she is not emotionally prepared to discuss her daughter’s sexuality. Her panic reflects a parent’s fear of losing control and of her child repeating her own (unknown) mistakes. Audre’s internal reaction (“you can talk about this, but you can’t talk about your past”) highlights the imbalance in their communication.