Chapter 38 (Chapter Thirty-Six) Summary: The Night After the Memorial

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens immediately after Allison’s memorial service. Isabelle is home late, her feet bloody from a three-mile walk, when Ben knocks on her door without warning. He is still wearing the suit he wore to bury his wife. Without speaking, they come together in a clumsy, urgent encounter—Isabelle peels off his jacket, and they fall into her childhood bed. Afterwards, lying in the dark, Ben tells her they cannot tell anyone about what happened, especially not at work, or they could both lose their jobs. He promises they will find a way with time. As he moves through the room, Isabelle reflects on the doubt that has been gnawing at her all day: Would Ben have ever chosen her if Allison had not died? She remembers every time he walked away from her—at the oyster roast, during their secret bar meetings—always returning to his wife. Now, with Allison buried, a part of Isabelle feels twisted relief. The choice has been made for him; he never truly had a choice.

Key Events

Ben arrives at Isabelle’s apartment late the night of Allison’s memorial, still in his funeral suit.
Isabelle and Ben have a physical encounter; she describes it as an urgent, mindless decision.
Afterward, Ben insists they keep the relationship hidden because of their workplace.
Isabelle silently questions whether Ben would have turned to her if Allison were still alive.
She recalls past instances where Ben chose Allison over her (the oyster roast, the bar meetings).
Isabelle admits to herself a dark sense of relief: Ben no longer has to make that choice.

Character Development

Isabelle reveals her long-standing vulnerability and insecurity about being Ben’s second choice. She has carried a desperate hope that he might one day choose her, and now that hope has been realized through tragedy, leaving her conflicted. Her internal monologue shows a capacity for self-deception and a willingness to accept scraps of attention from someone who repeatedly rejected her.

Ben is depicted as grieving and emotionally needy. He seeks physical comfort from Isabelle without discussing the meaning of their actions, and his immediate focus on secrecy suggests a pattern of emotional cowardice. He does not directly address Isabelle’s feelings, instead offering vague promises for the future.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Grief and Complicated Attachments: The chapter explores how grief can blur boundaries and lead to actions that feel inevitable yet wrong.
Secrecy and Shame: The insistence on hiding the relationship echoes earlier deceptions and highlights the power imbalance between the characters.
Illusion of Choice: Isabelle’s reflection that “the choice had been made for him” suggests that Ben never truly had to decide between her and Allison; circumstance did the deciding.
Childhood Bed as a Motif: The setting of Isabelle’s childhood mattress—still smelling of her sister Margaret—underscores the regression into youthful desperation and the contrast between innocent past and tangled present.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter provides the emotional foundation for Isabelle’s entanglement with Ben. It reveals the depth of her unrequited longing and the moral compromise she accepts in the wake of Allison’s death. The flashback enriches the novel’s present-day mystery by showing why Isabelle might protect or pursue Ben despite his evasiveness. It also introduces the possibility that their entire relationship has been built on grief and convenience rather than genuine love.

Study Questions and Answers

Why does Ben insist on keeping the relationship with Isabelle a secret, according to the text?
Answer: Ben explicitly states that if anyone at work found out, he could lose his job—and Isabelle could, too. He promises they will go public “with time,” but uses professional risk as his primary reason.
What does Isabelle’s memory of Ben “choosing her over and over again” reveal about her emotional state?
Answer: It reveals her deep-seated insecurity and sense of being second-best. She has spent years watching Ben return to Allison, and she now feels a guilty relief because Allison’s death has removed the competition, freeing her from the cycle of rejection.
How does the description of Isabelle’s childhood mattress contribute to the chapter’s tone?
Answer: The mattress, still carrying the smell of her sister Margaret, evokes memories of childhood fears and family turmoil. Lying on it with Ben makes Isabelle feel juvenile and vulnerable, contrasting the innocence of shared stories with flashlights against the adult ethical compromise of the affair.

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