Mrs. Dalloway as a Symbol of Grief and Renewal in The Wedding People

Introduction

Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway appears throughout Alison Espach’s The Wedding People as a physical book, a remembered reading experience, and a philosophical touchstone for the protagonist Phoebe Stone. The novel’s epigraph directly quotes Woolf’s text—a moment of despair immediately followed by mundane persistence—which sets the thematic stage. For Phoebe, Mrs. Dalloway begins as a text she abandoned (its characters seemed too old, too married, too suicidal) but gradually becomes a lens through which she reinterprets her own grief, marriage, and tentative decision to keep living. This page traces the symbol’s recurrence, its shifting meaning, and its connections to central themes such as grief and survival, suicide and second chances, marriage as performance, self-discovery, and authenticity vs pretense.

What Is Mrs. Dalloway in the Novel?

Within The Wedding People, Mrs. Dalloway is first evoked through an epigraph drawn from the novel’s opening pages: “It was awful, he cried, awful, awful! / Still, the sun was hot. Still, one got over things. / Still, life had a way of adding day to day.” This excerpt juxtaposes raw anguish with the relentless forward motion of ordinary life. Later, in Chapter 6, Phoebe takes a copy of Mrs. Dalloway from a hotel bookshelf. It becomes her companion through the wedding weekend—she reads it on her balcony, finishes it by flashlight, and eventually places it back on the shelf in Chapter 24 as she leaves the hotel. The book functions both as a literal object (a hotel prop, a used paperback) and as a symbolic representation of Phoebe’s evolving relationship with sorrow, connection, and time.

Where Does Mrs. Dalloway Recur?

The symbol appears at critical junctures:

How the Meaning of Mrs. Dalloway Changes

1. From Abandoned Text to Urgent Companion

Early in the novel, Phoebe explains why she never finished Mrs. Dalloway: she disliked Woolf’s style and could not relate to the unhappy, married Mrs. Dalloway or to the suicidal Septimus. Reading it felt like a betrayal because suicide victims in literature seemed to confirm her fear that “getting married wasn’t enough.” After her own marriage collapses and she arrives at the Cornwall intending to die, picking up the book again becomes a small act of curiosity. In Chapter 6, she thinks: “After the war, after the marriage, after the suicide—what happens next?” This question drives her to keep reading and, by extension, to keep living.

2. From Object of Hatred to Model of Connection

In Chapter 11, while sitting on the balcony listening to the wedding party, Phoebe admits it is “easy to hate Mrs. Dalloway for worrying so much about her stupid party.” Yet she immediately reverses this judgment: “But in the end, everybody goes to the party and that’s the point. It’s Mrs. Dalloway who brings them all together… If the problem is loneliness, then in this way… Mrs. Dalloway is the hero.” Phoebe’s shift from contempt to admiration mirrors her own gradual embrace of the wedding community—strangers who, despite their flaws, offer her a place to belong.

3. From Symbol of Stagnation to Emblem of Forward Motion

The epigraph’s insistence that “life had a way of adding day to day” echoes throughout Phoebe’s journey. Initially, that relentless rhythm feels oppressive; she wants to stop time. But by the end, she accepts that moving forward—even without a clear plot—is itself valuable. Placing Mrs. Dalloway back on the shelf in Chapter 24 signifies that Phoebe no longer needs the book as a crutch; she has internalized its lesson about the continuance of ordinary life alongside pain.

Character and Theme Connections

Phoebe Stone

For Phoebe, Mrs. Dalloway is a mirror and a teacher. She identifies with Septimus’s suicidal despair and Mrs. Dalloway’s performance of happiness. Reading Woolf helps her articulate her own depression (“the darkness was all she could see”) and then move beyond it. The book becomes a tool for self-examination, especially regarding her stalled academic career and her inability to finish things.

Matt Stone

In the flashback Chapter 7, Matt and Phoebe bond over their advisor’s “odd Virginia Woolf comment,” and they read Mrs. Dalloway during an eclipse. The book is embedded in the origin of their relationship, making its later reappearance a painful reminder of what was lost. Yet Phoebe’s renewed encounter with the novel in the present allows her to re-evaluate that past without bitterness.

Lila Winthrop

Though Lila does not read Mrs. Dalloway, she embodies the role of the bride who “brings everybody together.” Phoebe explicitly compares Lila to Mrs. Dalloway in Chapter 11: Lila’s wedding creates the community that saves Phoebe from isolation. Lila’s own insecurities (her mother’s speech, her fear of being ordinary) parallel Mrs. Dalloway’s anxieties about her party.

Gary

Gary shares with Phoebe a history of grief—he has lost a wife. Though he does not directly reference Woolf, his quiet understanding of sorrow aligns with the novel’s theme that pain and normalcy coexist. He is part of the community Mrs. Dalloway–like gatherings create.

Themes

• Grief and Survival: The epigraph’s “awful, awful, awful!” followed by “still, the sun was hot” encapsulates the novel’s central tension. Phoebe’s survival is not triumphant but incremental, like adding day to day.
• Suicide and Second Chances: Septimus’s suicide in Mrs. Dalloway haunts Phoebe. Her decision to read the novel through to the end parallels her decision to postpone her own suicide and eventually choose life.
• Marriage as Performance: Mrs. Dalloway’s worry about her party mirrors the wedding’s elaborate performance. Both novels question whether social rituals can contain genuine connection.
• Self-Discovery: Phoebe’s re-reading is an act of self-discovery; she learns that her earlier dismissal of Mrs. Dalloway was rooted in fear of becoming like her.
• Authenticity vs Pretense: The wedding guests lie to the bride; Phoebe initially lies about why she is at the hotel. Mrs. Dalloway offers a model of honesty about inner turmoil (Clarissa’s private thoughts, Septimus’s hallucinations) that Phoebe gradually adopts.

4 Study Questions with Answers

1. How does the epigraph from Mrs. Dalloway foreshadow Phoebe’s emotional arc?
Answer: The epigraph juxtaposes a cry of anguish (“awful, awful, awful!”) with the observation that “life had a way of adding day to day.” This mirrors Phoebe’s initial suicidal despair and her eventual return to ordinary living—brushing her teeth, attending a brunch, sailing—despite her pain. The epigraph establishes that grief does not cancel the mundane; both coexist.

2. Why does Phoebe initially dislike Mrs. Dalloway, and what changes her mind?
Answer: Phoebe disliked the novel because she resented Mrs. Dalloway’s unhappiness in marriage and Septimus’s suicide—they reminded her of her father’s death and her own fear that life is not enough. What changes her mind is curiosity: after deciding not to kill herself, she wants to know “what happens next” beyond marriage and suicide. Reading the book becomes a small act of hope.

3. In what way does Phoebe compare Lila to Mrs. Dalloway, and what does that comparison reveal about Phoebe’s growth?
Answer: Phoebe reflects that it is easy to hate Mrs. Dalloway for fussing over her party, yet she concludes that Mrs. Dalloway is the hero because she brings people together. This mirrors Phoebe’s shift from isolating herself to participating in Lila’s wedding community. The comparison shows Phoebe valuing connection over cynical detachment.

4. What does Phoebe’s act of placing Mrs. Dalloway back on the shelf symbolize at the end of the novel?
Answer: Placing the book back on the shelf signifies that Phoebe no longer needs the novel as a survival guide or crutch. She has internalized its lesson: life continues through small, ordinary actions. It also marks her readiness to leave the hotel and face the future, having completed both the book and her emotional journey.