Chapter 23 (Chapter 20) – Jess’s Diary: New Year’s Drowning

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary (Complete and Chronological)

Jess writes in her diary early on 1 January 1999 from Max’s bedroom. She describes attempts to draw him, but her hand keeps producing images of something else: a figure with webbed fingers and tunnel-dark eyes. This leads her to recall her art teacher Mr Hennessey, who taught her a grounding technique for panic attacks. At Christmas lunch, Jess angrily asked her parents why they had no extended family and why they never adopted a sibling. Her mother flinched at the word “adopt” and looked scared. That night Jess searched her father’s desk, where she found a drawing of a poisonous fish. Her father burst in, snatched the drawing, and crumpled it. Later, Jess retrieved it. After Boxing Day, while her parents were out, she searched further but found nothing. On New Year’s Eve, she and Max drank beer and watched fireworks; they slept separately. Jess woke in the pool, drowning—drawn there by a dream of black wood and white water. Max saved her, wrapped her in a towel, and made toast. He kissed her, and they had sex. Now Jess wishes she had chosen differently.

Key Events

Jess’s attempt to draw Max turns into a drawing of a monstrous, water-bound figure.
Flashback to a lesson with Mr Hennessey, who shared his own panic-attack coping method.
Christmas lunch confrontation: Jess demands to know why she has no siblings and suggests adoption; her mother’s reaction is one of fear, not anger.
That night, Jess searches her father’s desk and discovers a drawing of a spiked, poisonous fish.
Her father catches her, snatches the drawing, and forces Jess to her room; later she retrieves it.
After Boxing Day, while her parents are out, Jess searches again but finds nothing.
On New Year’s Eve, Jess sleepwalks into Max’s pool, nearly drowning.
Max rescues her, and they kiss; Jess consents to sex, hoping it will tether her to reality.
The diary ends with Jess stating she regrets the choice.

Character Development

Jess – Her artistic compulsion reveals an uncontrollable link to something dark and aquatic. The Christmas outburst shows her growing anger and suspicion about her family’s secrets. The sleepwalking episode confirms that her dreams have physical consequences. Her decision to have sex with Max is both a desire for connection and a failed attempt to escape her inner turmoil.
Max – Remains a loyal, protective friend who knows Jess well enough to recognize when she needs distraction. His kiss and the subsequent intimacy shift their relationship from friendship to something ambiguous.
Jess’s Parents – Mum’s reaction to the word “adopt” suggests a hidden truth. Dad’s aggressive response to the fish drawing hints that the drawing is significant and that he is trying to hide something.
Mr Hennessey – In flashback, he comes across as a sympathetic mentor who shares his own vulnerability, yet the diary’s language about “capture” and “possession” foreshadows a possibly unsettling influence.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Water and Drowning – The dream of “black jaws of splintered wood” and “white water” physically pulls Jess into Max’s pool, blurring the line between nightmare and reality. Water symbolizes the family secret that threatens to engulf her.
Art as Capture – Jess describes painting as a means of owning a person’s soul. Her inability to draw Max peacefully, instead rendering a monster, suggests that something inside her is being forced onto the page against her will.
Secrecy and the Unknown – The hidden file, the destroyed drawing, and the mother’s fearful reaction all emphasize the mystery at the heart of Jess’s family. The poisonous fish may represent a dangerous truth that her father is trying to suppress.
Guilt and Possession – Jess feels “infected” and “possessed,” as though an external force controls her actions. The panic-attack technique she learned from Mr Hennessey fails to anchor her, reinforcing her loss of agency.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is a turning point in Jess’s story. It confirms that her haunting dreams are more than nightmares—they can physically endanger her. The confrontation at Christmas exposes a rift in the family and raises the real possibility that Jess is adopted. The fish drawing, which her father tries to hide, is a tangible clue to a past Jess has never been told. The relationship with Max crosses a line, and Jess’s regret signals that this new intimacy does not solve her deeper crisis. The chapter strengthens the novel’s central mystery: what is the truth about Jess’s origins, and why does the water keep calling her?

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Jess’s drawing of Max transform into something monstrous, and what does this reveal about her state of mind?
Jess’s hand produces webbed fingers and open, tunnel-dark eyes instead of Max’s peaceful features. She realizes she is drawing “her”—a female figure associated with the water. This shows that Jess feels possessed by an external influence that overrides her conscious will, connecting her artistic compulsion to the dreams that nearly drown her.

2. How does the Christmas lunch argument hint at a family secret, and what does the father’s reaction to the fish drawing add?
Jess’s demand to know why she has no siblings and her mother’s fearful flinch at “adopt” suggest that Jess may have been adopted. The father’s aggressive seizure and destruction of the fish drawing—his own artwork—implies that the drawing depicts something dangerous or shameful that he does not want Jess to see, further pointing to a concealed family history.

3. Why does Jess have sex with Max, and why does she later regret it?
Jess believes that physical intimacy with Max will tether her to the real world and keep the drowning dreams away. She acts without fully choosing, seeking relief from her inner chaos. Afterward, she regrets it because the encounter did not provide the safety she hoped for; instead, it left her feeling that she had shared a part of herself that she should have kept hidden.