Symbols The First Time I Saw Him Laura Dave

The Sketchbook: A Symbol of Preserved Love and Second Chances

What Is the Sketchbook?

In Laura Dave's The First Time I Saw Him, the sketchbook is a private record Hannah Hall keeps after Owen disappears. Literally, it is a notebook where Hannah documents Bailey's milestones—high school graduation, first apartment, dorm room moves, and other significant moments. She initially frames it as a gift for Bailey, but the narrative reveals she secretly keeps it for Owen, hoping he might one day return to see the life he missed.

Where the Sketchbook Appears

The sketchbook is explicitly mentioned in Chapter 31 (29. The Middle Road to Èze Goes One Way). Hannah narrates:

"When Bailey was sixteen, we lost her father and I started taking notes in a sketchbook. Kind of a teenage version of a baby book. A record of her life."

She lists several milestones: high school graduation, the first winter break home from college when they said goodbye to the floating house, the first vacation with Charlie and Nicholas, dorm room move-ins and move-outs, and Bailey's first night in her Abbot Kinney apartment.

The sketchbook itself does not appear as a physical object in later scenes—it functions more as a conceptual symbol that Hannah carries with her emotionally. It is referenced again implicitly in the Prologue when Hannah thinks about her protective role and her desire to preserve memories for Owen. The sketchbook's purpose is also echoed in Chapter 47 when Hannah reflects on letting go and the future they might build.

How Its Meaning Changes

The sketchbook's meaning evolves across the narrative:

  • At first, it is a survival tool. After Owen's sudden disappearance, Hannah uses the sketchbook to maintain a sense of continuity. Recording Bailey's milestones helps her cope with the rupture and provides a tangible link to the life they had.

  • It becomes a hidden bridge to Owen. Over the five years, Hannah acknowledges that the sketchbook was always also for Owen. It represents her hope that he is alive and might return. The book becomes a silent conversation across time—a way to share Bailey's growth with someone who cannot witness it.

  • By the reunion, it transforms into a testament of love. When Owen reappears, the sketchbook's function shifts from hope to reconciliation. It is no longer about preserving memory for an absent person but about validating the love that endured the separation. The sketchbook stands as proof that Hannah kept faith in their family.

Character and Theme Connections

Characters

  • Hannah Hall: The sketchbook is her project. It embodies her protective nature and her determination to keep Bailey's world stable. Through the sketchbook, she also reveals her own emotional vulnerability—she cannot fully let go of Owen.

  • Bailey: While Bailey may never see the sketchbook in the novel, she is the subject of every entry. Her growth and resilience are mirrored in Hannah's careful documentation.

  • Owen: The sketchbook is intended for him. It represents the life he missed and the love that waited for him. When Nicholas tells Hannah that Owen "seems like he needs you," the sketchbook is the tangible expression of that need.

  • Nicholas Bell: He helps Hannah preserve the family. In Chapter 31, he validates her efforts by saying Bailey's strength is due to Hannah.

Themes

  • Forgiveness: The sketchbook is a quiet act of forgiveness—Hannah chooses to remember Bailey's good moments despite the pain Owen caused by disappearing.

  • Protection: It is a protective measure against forgetfulness and loss. Hannah guards the memory of Bailey's life as fiercely as she guards Bailey physically.

  • Family Bonds: The sketchbook strengthens the bond between Hannah and Bailey, and it later becomes the bridge to reunite the family with Owen.

  • Second Chances: The sketchbook symbolizes the second chance Owen is given to see his daughter grow up. It is a physical record of the years that cannot be lived again but can be shared.

  • Trust: Hannah trusts that her effort in recording these moments will eventually reach Owen. The sketchbook is a vessel for that trust.

4 Study Questions with Answers

Question 1: Why does Hannah initially tell herself the sketchbook is for Bailey, when she later admits it is also for Owen?
Answer: Hannah uses the "for Bailey" justification to protect herself from the pain of hoping Owen might return. Admitting it's for Owen would make her longing too raw. The self-deception allows her to maintain her emotional equilibrium while secretly preserving a lifeline to Owen.

Question 2: How does the sketchbook differ from a traditional baby book, and what does this say about Hannah's role as a mother?
Answer: A traditional baby book covers infancy and early childhood, but Hannah's sketchbook starts when Bailey is sixteen—the moment Owen disappears. This unusual timing shows Hannah taking on both parental roles: she records Bailey's young adulthood as a way to fill the gap left by Owen, demonstrating her fierce commitment to making sure Bailey's life is witnessed even by an absent father.

Question 3: In what way does the sketchbook connect to the novel's epigraph by Harriet Selina?
Answer: The epigraph imagines former lovers smiling as if they never "shattered each other." The sketchbook is Hannah's attempt to reconstruct what was shattered. It allows her to present a curated version of Bailey's life to Owen—a record of growth and joy that might make their eventual reunion possible, despite the "unholy mess" of their separation.

Question 4: How does the sketchbook relate to Hannah's career as a furniture maker?
Answer: Both the sketchbook and her furniture making involve craftsmanship and preservation. Hannah builds furniture that lasts; she also builds a record of Bailey's life that endures. Her hands work with wood and with ink, creating objects that hold memory. This parallel reinforces her identity as someone who creates permanence in the face of loss.

Internal Resources

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