Grief and Loss in The Color of Death: The Impossibility of Closure

Thematic Claim: Loss as a Permanent Companion

In The Color of Death, author Trey Gowdy presents grief not as a stage to pass through, but as a permanent, shape-shifting companion. The novel’s central claim is that closure is a myth for those who have suffered profound, violent loss. The protagonist, prosecutor Colm Truesdale, lost his wife Ally to suicide after their infant daughter Jaci died of SIDS. Every decision Colm makes—from his work ethic to his drinking to his near-resignation—flows from his inability to “move on.” The narrative repeatedly asks: Can a person honor the dead without being consumed by the dead? And the answer, delivered through Colm’s arc, is that one can learn to live with grief, but never without it.

Three Plot Segments That Trace the Theme

1. The Cemetery Encounter (Chapter 2)

On a rainy November afternoon, Colm drives to a cemetery with two bouquets of orchids. He intends to visit his wife and daughter’s graves, but he cannot bring himself to do so. Instead, he encounters Bethany Barnett, the widow of a murder victim from a case he prosecuted years earlier. Mrs. Barnett thanks Colm for “finding” her husband and grandson—for giving her the answer to what happened. She expresses gratitude; Colm feels only guilt.

From the evidence: Colm reflects that “closure is a myth created by those who haven’t suffered loss.” He leaves one bouquet with Mrs. Barnett and places the second on a nearby tombstone, then retreats to his car. His internal monologue reveals his belief: “If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t be here.” This guilt-laden grief prevents him from even looking at his own family’s headstones. The chapter establishes that Colm cannot process his loss through the usual rituals, because he blames himself for Ally’s suicide and Jaci’s death. He is stuck in a cycle of self-punishment, avoiding both the site of loss and the people (like his sister-in-law Mae) who try to help.

2. The Visit to Mae and the Torn King of Hearts (Chapter 28)

After a difficult day fighting for a search warrant, Colm drives to a diner in Spartanburg County, seeking routine. Waitress Maddy reveals that another waitress, Belle, bought avocados with her own money to accommodate Colm’s usual order. Moved by this kindness, Colm finally visits his sister-in-law Mae, a forensic psychiatrist. Mae and Colm share their grief over Ally’s suicide and Jaci’s death. Mae urges Colm not to abandon his calling as an advocate: “You were put on earth to advocate for people who cannot advocate for themselves.”

Near the end of the visit, Mae gives Colm an envelope containing a torn King of Hearts playing card. Colm explains that he has received such cards before—always a torn King of Hearts—beginning after Ally died. Someone wants to remind him of his “broken heart.” The King of Hearts playing card becomes a recurring symbol: a suicide king, representing Colm’s emotional state. He lies to Mae that he will report it to his partner Captain Rick “Bones” Denton, but he pockets the card instead. This moment crystallizes Colm’s grief as an internal wound he refuses to investigate or heal. He knows the grief is weaponized against him by an anonymous stalker (JD), yet he cannot even muster the will to protect himself.

3. Rock Bottom and Free Fall (Chapter 59)

As the murder case unravels and Colm is replaced by a less experienced prosecutor, he sinks into despair. When Belle abruptly leaves his house, he concludes that everyone he truly loved is gone. He pours a tall glass of whiskey, wanders his home in a daze, and catches a glimpse of the pink carpet in the nursery—a sight that “rips [him] to shreds.” His best friend Bones comes to check on him, but Colm begs to be left alone: “Talking doesn’t change a thing. It’s another lie we tell ourselves.”

The evidence captures Colm’s explicit rejection of the idea that conversation can heal. He eventually stumbles to his garage, opens his car door, and sits in the driver’s seat with the engine running. He reflects: “There’s a difference between wanting to die and being tired of living. Right now—I’m tired.” This is the nadir of his grief journey. He is not actively suicidal, but he has lost all desire to continue. The chapter shows that profound loss can hollow out a person’s will to exist—and that external relationships (Bones, Belle) may not be enough to pull someone back.

Character and Symbol Connections

Colm’s grief is the most fully explored, but other characters also live with loss. Judge Martin Weber grieves the loss of his reputation and family, drowning it in whiskey. Detective Travis Hendrick drives himself obsessively into Rachel Simone’s case, possibly to avoid confronting his own emptiness. Most crucially, JD—who later reveals herself as the killer’s sister—channels her grief over her mother’s lost trial into vengeance. The torn King of Hearts symbol connects Colm and JD: both have “broken hearts,” but Colm internalizes his pain while JD externalizes it through murder.

The silver Audi appears as a symbol of Martin Weber’s hidden corruption and shame—his grief over his lost integrity. The Doc Martens shoeprints at the crime scene suggest a violent, aggressive grief turned outward. The salon scissors plunged into Rachel’s chest postmortem mirror the symbolic “cutting off” of life and the humiliation that grief can inflict. But Colm’s grief remains the emotional center. He cannot escape the fact that his work, once a refuge, now feels meaningless.

Complexity and Contradiction

While the novel insists closure is impossible, it does not present despair as the only outcome. In Chapter 69, after Colm has helped waitress Belle Atkins with her parents’ disability case, he sits on a bench beside the diner. The evidence shows: “The grief is still there. It will always be there, I guess. But the guilt is slowly giving way.” This is a measured turning point. Colm begins to accept that his calling—advocacy—can still matter, even if he never “heals.” The novel complicates the theme by suggesting that living with grief is different from being defeated by it.

Furthermore, the antagonist JD also grieves—but she chooses revenge. The two characters mirror each other: both lost a mother figure to the system. Colm becomes an advocate; JD becomes a vigilante. The complexity lies in how each processes the same type of wound. Colm nearly succumbs, but Belle’s kindness and his own stubborn sense of justice ultimately pull him back from the edge—not to happiness, but to a sustainable existence. The novel does not offer cheap consolation. It asserts that grief changes a person permanently, but that change can be turned toward service rather than destruction.

Study Questions and Answers

How does Colm’s cemetery visit in Chapter 2 establish the novel’s view of closure?
Colm cannot bring himself to visit his wife’s and daughter’s graves, leaving flowers on a nearby tombstone instead. His internal statement that “closure is a myth” defines the novel’s perspective: closure is a comforting falsehood that only those who have not suffered profound loss can believe. Colm’s avoidance shows that grief for him is a permanent, irreconcilable condition.
What role does the torn King of Hearts playing card play in expressing Colm’s grief?
The King of Hearts, torn in half, symbolizes Colm’s “broken heart” after Ally’s suicide. It first appears in Chapter 28 (given by Mae) and later is torn again by JD in Chapter 70, who calls it the “Suicide King.” The card externalizes Colm’s internal wound and links him to JD, who also grieves but turns her pain outward as vengeance.
How does Colm’s conversation with his sister-in-law Mae in Chapter 28 advance the theme of grief?
Mae urges Colm not to abandon his calling, arguing that advocacy is his gift. She acknowledges that grief never disappears but insists that he can “change the framing.” Colm resists, but Mae’s insistence plants the seed that purpose can persist alongside grief. The conversation also reveals that Mae grieves Ally as deeply as Colm does, showing that grief can be shared without being cured.
In Chapter 59, Colm says, “There’s a difference between wanting to die and being tired of living.” How does this distinction complicate the novel’s treatment of loss?
This line clarifies that Colm is not actively suicidal but has lost all motivation. His grief has drained meaning from his life, leaving him in a “free fall.” The novel uses this moment to argue that profound loss can eliminate the will to continue, not because one craves death, but because living feels pointless. It is a form of grief that is more passive than active despair.
Does the novel ultimately suggest that grief can be transformed? If so, how?
Yes, through small acts of kindness and returning to one’s purpose. In Chapter 69, Colm notes that “the guilt is slowly giving way” after he helps Belle. The novel suggests that while grief remains a constant, it can be redirected into service for others. Colm does not find closure, but he finds a reason to keep living—a qualified, realistic hope rather than a happy ending.