Chapter Thirty-Seven: Beckett – Rave, Intimacy, and Confessions

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Chapter 37 is told from Beckett’s point of view. The chapter opens at a rave where Beckett, Will, and Charlie are dancing under flashing lights after Charlie has taken MDMA. Beckett reminisces about first seeing his ex-girlfriend Shannon in ninth grade, recognizing his attraction to driven, overachieving women. He contrasts that with what he feels for Charlie—something more than lust but not love. At the rave, a man tries to get close to Charlie; Will steps in and tells him to back off, with Beckett supporting him. The man leaves, and Charlie finds the confrontation arousing. The trio dances until the rave ends and walks to a hotel room nearby. In the room, Charlie suggests sex, but Beckett and Will uphold their promise not to touch her while she is still high, insisting she rest. The next morning, Charlie showers then emerges in a tiny towel, teasing them. Beckett takes charge, directing Will to perform oral sex on Charlie while he watches and then has intercourse with her. After they check out, Charlie drives home for a New Year’s Eve lunch with her family. Alone in Will’s SUV, Beckett admits he thinks about Charlie constantly. Will agrees she is special, and they decide not to rush defining the relationship.

Key Events

Beckett narrates the rave experience, noting Charlie’s uninhibited enjoyment of the MDMA.
Beckett flashes back to his first meeting with Shannon in ninth grade, establishing a pattern of being drawn to high-achieving women.
A stranger attempts to encroach on Charlie; Will forcefully intervenes, with Beckett’s backing.
Charlie expresses arousal after the confrontation, but Beckett and Will maintain boundaries by refusing sex while she is still high.
The next morning, Beckett directs a detailed sexual encounter between the three of them.
On the drive home, Beckett confesses that Charlie is always on his mind; Will reciprocates the sentiment.
They agree to let the dynamic unfold naturally without overthinking.

Character Development

Beckett: The chapter deepens Beckett’s internal conflict. He draws a clear line between his past love for Shannon and his current feelings, which he insists are not love. His protectiveness over Charlie—both at the rave and by enforcing the no-sex rule—demonstrates a growing sense of responsibility. His confession in the car marks a significant moment of emotional vulnerability, even if he resists labeling it.

Will: Will acts as a loyal protector at the rave and a willing participant in Beckett’s controlled sexual dynamic. He is more open about acknowledging Charlie’s importance, calling her “special,” and his gaze lingers when she leaves. His role reinforces the cooperative, possessive dynamic the two men share.

Charlie: Though the chapter is not from her point of view, her behavior—euphoric at the rave, teasing and submissive in the hotel—shows her trust in both men. Her refusal to repeat the MDMA experience shows self-awareness, and she maintains her family commitments despite the late morning.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Control and Boundaries: Beckett takes charge of the sexual encounter while simultaneously enforcing boundaries when Charlie is intoxicated. This dual role illustrates his need for order and his respect for consent.

Past vs. Present: Beckett’s reminiscence about Shannon serves as a touchstone. He compares his initial attraction to Shannon to his current feelings for Charlie, framing his emotional journey as an evolution rather than a repeat.

Vulnerability and Confession: The final scene in the car is the first time Beckett admits out loud that Charlie occupies his thoughts. The loaded silence before his confession highlights his discomfort with emotional openness.

“Special” Defining the Relationship: Both men agree that Charlie is different and that they do not have a label for their trio. This motif of “letting it play out” recurs as a way to defer commitment without dismissing the seriousness of the connection.

Why This Chapter Matters

Chapter 37 is a turning point for Beckett’s internal arc. It moves his feelings for Charlie from physical attraction to a persistent emotional presence he can no longer ignore. The contrast between his authoritative sexual behavior and his vulnerability afterward underscores the complexity of his character. The chapter also solidifies the protective alliance between Will and Beckett, showing that their partnership is not limited to sex but includes shared values of consent and safety. By having both men confess their preoccupation with Charlie, the story sets up future challenges regarding the sustainability of their arrangement.

Study Questions

Beckett compares his attraction to Shannon with his feelings for Charlie. What does this flashback reveal about his emotional patterns and his resistance to labeling what he feels as love?
Answer: The flashback establishes Beckett’s long-standing attraction to driven, intelligent women. He insists he does not love Charlie, yet he admitted his past obsession with Shannon and now admits Charlie is always in his mind. This suggests Beckett conflates intensity of feeling with love and may be protecting himself from vulnerability by denying the label.
How do Beckett and Will enforce the “no sex while high” promise, and what does this say about their relationship with Charlie beyond physical desire?
Answer: Beckett uses Charlie’s full name and a firm tone; Will supports him by not engaging. They both resist even though they are aroused. This shows they prioritize Charlie’s well-being and consent over their own gratification, indicating genuine care and respect that transcends a purely casual arrangement.
The chapter ends with Beckett and Will deciding “not to overthink” their dynamic. What tension does this decision introduce for future chapters?
Answer: By avoiding conversation about the future, Beckett and Will leave unaddressed questions about exclusivity, long-term viability, and emotional fallout. This deferred conflict likely will resurface when external pressures or competing feelings force them to define the relationship.