When Friends Become Family: Chosen Family as a Support System Through Terminal Illness in The Celebrants

The Thematic Claim: Chosen Family as an Imperfect Lifeline in the Face of Death

In The Celebrants, Steven Rowley explores how a group of college friends becomes a de facto family, especially when one of them faces a terminal illness. The novel’s central claim is that chosen family—the pact of friends who promise to hold living funerals for one another—serves as an essential support system, but it is not a simple or comfortable one. The pact offers emotional scaffolding, a way to confront mortality, and a structure for saying goodbye, yet it also creates friction, resistance, and guilt. Through the story of Jordan and Jordy, the novel shows that facing death requires a community that can hold both love and resistance, and that the support of chosen family is as complicated as it is vital.

Tracing the Theme Across the Plot

The Diagnosis: The Immediate Need for Support

The theme emerges forcefully in the opening chapter of the Jordans’ storyline. In the waiting room at Memorial Sloan Kettering, Jordan and Jordy receive the news that Jordan’s cancer has returned after four years, ten months, and three days of remission. The scene is stark: the blinding white walls, the bell that rings for another patient’s completed treatment, and Jordan’s whispered confession, “I don’t want to go.” In this moment of crisis, Jordan’s mind immediately turns to his friends. He asks Jordy why Alec occupies such a large space in their lives, and Jordy answers that Alec is “the embodiment of our younger selves.” Jordan then shows Jordy the group text chain with Naomi, Marielle, and Craig, named “NANA’S HUNGRY LITTLE PIE EATERS,” and Jordy recognizes it as related to “the pact.” This moment establishes that the support system is already in place, even before it is formally invoked. The pact is not just a memory; it is a live thread connecting the friends, and the diagnosis immediately activates its possibility.

The Resistance: When Support Feels Like Control

The novel complicates the idea of support by showing Jordan’s resistance to it. In the weeks following the diagnosis, Jordy gently pushes Jordan toward invoking the pact, suggesting a trip to Big Sur where the friends could gather. But Jordan resists. He wants to go to Positano, then to Bogotá, Colombia, where his parents originated. He is not ready to face the ritual of a living funeral, which he sees as a “fake funeral” when a real one looms. In one telling scene, Jordan gives Jordy a Ouija board as a gift, saying it will let them “continue the conversation after I’m gone.” Jordy is not amused and slams the bedroom door, leaving Jordan alone. This moment reveals a central tension: the support system is offered, but the dying person may not want it in the form it is given. Jordan wants to control his own narrative, to choose where to go and how to say goodbye, rather than submit to the pact’s structure.

The resistance continues in the belt-sorting scene, where Jordan tries to decide who will get his belongings. Jordy argues that they should not be doing this now, and Jordan snaps, “I want to have some say in all of this. That’s the point.” Jordy’s care feels suffocating to Jordan, who says, “Why won’t you let me take care of you?!” The novel shows that support can feel like a loss of autonomy, and that the caregiver’s desire to help can clash with the dying person’s need for agency.

The Confrontation: The Pact as a Bargaining Chip

The theme reaches its climax at Joe Allen’s, where Jordan and Jordy have a drink after a matinee. Jordan, drunk, announces he wants to discontinue his cancer treatment. Jordy challenges him: “Trigger the pact. Call for your funeral, and you can stop your treatment.” This is a pivotal moment. The pact is no longer just a support system; it becomes a bargaining chip, a way for Jordy to force Jordan to confront the impact of his death on his friends. Jordan resists, saying, “It doesn’t matter how it makes anyone feel. It only matters how it makes me feel.” But Jordy insists, and Jordan eventually makes a series of requests: that Jordy keep swimming, stay in touch with his parents, and eventually settle down with someone new. These requests are a form of care—Jordan is trying to ensure Jordy’s future—but they also show how the pact functions as a space for final conversations. The argument ends with Jordan texting Naomi, Craig, Marielle, and Jordy, apparently activating the pact. This moment shows that the support system is not just about receiving help; it is also about giving the dying person a way to say what matters.

The Aftermath: The Pact Fulfilled

The outline tells us that Jordan dies on a Friday after a battle with cancer at fifty-one, and that his husband releases the news through their PR firm. The novel implies that the pact is fulfilled—that the friends gather for a living funeral, as they did for Alec and for Naomi. While we do not have direct evidence of the funeral scene, the structure of the novel suggests that the pact provides a framework for mourning and celebration. The friends who were once college classmates become the family that holds space for Jordan’s death, just as they did for Alec’s. The support system, though imperfect, endures.

Character and Symbol Connections

The theme is embodied in the characters and symbols of the novel. Jordan is the dying man who must learn to accept help, even as he resists it. Jordy is the caregiver who uses the pact as a tool to keep Jordan engaged, but also as a way to cope with his own grief. Alec is the deceased friend who represents the permanence of loss and the reason the pact exists. Naomi, Marielle, and Craig are the other pact members who represent the broader support network, even though they appear less directly in the Jordans’ storyline.

The symbols reinforce the theme. The pact and living funerals are the central ritual of support, a way to honor a life while it is still being lived. Swimming appears as a metaphor for resilience and self-care; Jordan asks Jordy to keep swimming, suggesting that the living must continue to move forward. The group text chain is a lifeline that connects the friends, a modern-day version of the pact that keeps them in constant touch. Big Sur is the place where the friends might gather, a symbol of the support system that Jordan resists but ultimately cannot avoid.

Complexity and Contradiction

The novel does not present chosen family as a simple solution. The support system is often unwelcome, as Jordan’s resistance shows. He feels guilty for the sacrifices Jordy makes, and he wants to control his own death rather than submit to the pact’s structure. Jordy’s care can be suffocating, and the pact can feel like a manipulation, as when Jordy uses it as a bargaining chip. The pact itself is a reminder of death, not just comfort; it forces the friends to confront mortality directly.

Moreover, the novel shows that chosen family can be as messy as biological family. Jordan’s parents are described as “locusts” who will take everything, yet they are also loved. The pact members have their own histories and conflicts, as evidenced by Naomi’s funeral and the reference to Mexico. The support system is not a cure for grief; it is a way to hold grief together. The novel ultimately affirms that facing death requires a community that can tolerate resistance, anger, and fear, and that the pact—imperfect as it is—is the best that these friends can offer.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does the pact function as a support system for Jordan and Jordy?

The pact provides a structured way to confront death, allowing the friends to gather and say goodbye. For Jordy, it is a tool to keep Jordan engaged and to force him to consider the impact of his death on others. For Jordan, it is a space to make final requests and to ensure that his loved ones will be cared for after he is gone.

1. Why does Jordan resist invoking the pact?

Jordan resists because he wants to control his own narrative and avoid the pity he associates with a living funeral. He also feels guilty about the sacrifices Jordy has made, and he does not want to be seen in his weakened state. The pact feels like a loss of autonomy, even as it offers support.

1. What role does Alec play in the theme of chosen family?

Alec is the catalyst for the pact. His death before graduation led the friends to form the pact as a way to honor one another’s lives. Alec also represents the permanence of loss; he is forever twenty-two, and his memory reminds the friends of their own mortality. Jordan’s vision of Alec in heaven underscores the idea that the chosen family extends beyond death.

1. How does the symbol of swimming relate to the support system?

Swimming represents self-care and the need to continue living. Jordan asks Jordy to keep swimming, implying that the living must find ways to move forward after loss. It also connects to Jordy’s identity and his ability to cope; the act of swimming is a form of resilience that the support system encourages.

1. What contradiction does the novel present about chosen family?

The novel shows that chosen family is both essential and imperfect. It offers crucial emotional and practical support, but it also creates friction, resistance, and guilt. The pact can feel like a burden rather than a comfort, and the support of friends is not always welcome. Yet, despite these contradictions, the novel affirms that the chosen family is the only thing that can hold space for dying and mourning.