The Boat Launch in That's Not My Name: A Symbol of Memory, Grief, and the Search for Truth

What the Boat Launch Is Literally Speaking, It's a Parking Lot—and So Much More, but Let's Start with the Concrete Slab, the Willamette, and the Ten Spaces That Hold a Town's Secrets. The boat launch is a narrow parking lot set into the trees beside the Willamette River in Washington City, Oregon. A concrete slab slants down into the ice-cold water, and it's the only stretch of riverbank low enough to reach the river. In November, when the novel takes place, the launch is normally deserted—but it becomes the site of a search party, an interrogation, and a memorial. The place is small enough that every one of its ten parking spaces is visible at once, which makes it feel intimate and exposed at the same time. That tension between privacy and public scrutiny runs through every scene set there. For Drew, the boat launch was 'our place'—the last place he felt any shred of peace, composure, happiness, and stillness. It's where he and Lola used to park, a private spot that belonged to the two of them. The memory of the place is double-edged: it holds the happy past but also the moment everything went wrong. When Drew walks toward the river after his car is seized, he says he doesn't know if he's going 'for punishment or absolution.' That ambiguity captures the boat launch's dual nature throughout the novel: it's a place he both longs for and dreads. The boat launch is also tied to Drew's identity. He was Lola's boyfriend, and the place is where that identity was forged and then shattered. The theme of identity and self-reclamation runs through his relationship to the place: he can't move forward until he confronts what happened there. His sense of who he is—a good boyfriend, a loyal friend, a person who would never hurt Lola—is bound up in the memories this place holds. When the town turns against him, the boat launch becomes the one place where he can still feel connected to the person he used to be. ## The Night Everything Changed: A Breakup, a Storm-Off, and a Vanishing The boat launch is where Drew broke up with Lola on the night she disappeared. He ended things because she was talking about marriage and he panicked; she accused him of cheating, they fought, and she stormed off into the dark. He drove home. That was the last time anyone saw her alive. The boat launch is thus the pivot point of the entire mystery—the place where Lola's story diverges from the life she expected. Drew's guilt is inseparable from the location. He tells Roane, 'If I hadn't ended our relationship, she wouldn't have stormed off and none of this would have ever happened.' The boat launch is where that chain of events began, and Drew returns to it again and again, as if revisiting the place might somehow undo what happened. This connects to the theme of grief and survivor's guilt: Drew believes he left Lola vulnerable to whatever happened after she walked away. The breakup scene is never shown directly—only recalled through Drew's fragmented retellings—which makes the boat launch feel like a memory palace where the worst moment of his life is permanently on loop. ## The Search Party: When Private Grief Becomes Public Spectacle When Drew learns that a search party has gathered at the river, he realizes they're not looking for Lola alive—they're looking for her remains. He drives to the boat launch anyway, and finds the normally deserted lot full of cars, volunteers, and deputies. The place that was once private and intimate is now crowded with strangers. Drew parks too close, draws hostile stares, and leaves without getting out of his car. Max warns him that showing up makes him look guilty: 'The bad guys always return to the scene of the crime.' The search party scene shows how the boat launch's meaning has shifted for the town. For the volunteers, it's a staging ground for a grim task. For Drew, it's the place where his private grief becomes public spectacle. The townspeople's suspicion of Drew—the old woman with the clipboard who flips him off—turns the boat launch into a site of judgment. This connects to the theme of mistrust of authority and vigilante justice, as the town's collective suspicion of Drew mirrors the sheriff's single-minded focus on him. The boat launch, once a place of escape, becomes a place where Drew is trapped by the town's gaze. ## The Interrogation: Roane Weaponizes the Spot Sheriff Roane drives Drew to the boat launch and parks in the exact spot where Drew and Lola used to park. The interrogation weaponizes the location's emotional weight. Roane uses the intimacy of the spot against Drew, pressing him about why Lola got out of the car. Drew's response—'Lola's story doesn't end at this boat launch, and neither should your investigation'—shows how the place has become a contested site: for Roane, it's a crime scene; for Drew, it's the last place he was happy. Roane's choice of location is deliberate. He could have questioned Drew at the station, but instead he brings him to the place where Drew's memories are most painful. This is a form of psychological pressure that connects to the theme of gaslighting and psychological control: Roane uses Drew's emotional attachment to the place to destabilize him, making him feel like a suspect in the very spot where he was once at peace. The interrogation also reveals how the boat launch has become a symbol of the town's failure. Roane insists the town is safe, that Lola should have been able to walk home from the river. The boat launch, which was supposed to be a place of refuge, becomes the site where that illusion of safety collapses. ## The Epilogue: From Private Grief to Communal Remembrance Four months after the rescue, Drew returns to the boat launch on Lola's birthday. The shrine that once stood there is gone. He can't light the red velvet cupcake he bought, as he always did. Madison arrives and helps him light the candle. Then Autumn and Max join, and the three share stories about Lola until sunset. The place transforms from a site of private grief to a site of communal remembrance. The epilogue scene is the boat launch's final transformation. It's no longer the place where Drew broke up with Lola, or where the search party gathered, or where Roane interrogated him. It becomes a place where Drew can honor Lola's memory with the people who loved her. Madison's presence is significant: she tells Drew that Wayne began searching for her the day after Lola disappeared, meaning Lola died almost immediately and no one could have saved her. This knowledge, delivered at the boat launch, allows Drew to begin releasing his guilt. The place that held his worst memories becomes the place where he starts to heal. The boat launch's arc mirrors Drew's own journey: from a place of private happiness, to a place of public accusation, to a place of shared mourning. It never stops being the place where Drew and Lola used to park—but by the end, that memory is no longer a wound. It's a foundation. ## Study Questions 1. Why does Drew return to the boat launch in Chapter 8 even though it's the source of his worst memories? Drew returns because the boat launch is also the source of his best memories. He describes it as 'the last place I felt any shred of peace, composure, happiness, and stillness.' After his car is seized and he's humiliated at school, he needs to reclaim something of his former self. He says he doesn't know if he's going 'for punishment or absolution'—he's drawn to the place even though it hurts. The boat launch holds both his happiest moments with Lola and the moment he lost her, and Drew can't separate the two. 2. How does Sheriff Roane use the boat launch as a tool of psychological pressure? Roane drives Drew to the boat launch and parks in the exact spot where Drew and Lola used to park. By choosing this location, Roane forces Drew to confront his memories in the most emotionally charged setting possible. He presses Drew about why Lola got out of the car, using the intimacy of the spot to make Drew feel exposed. The interrogation is designed to make Drew feel like a suspect in the very place where he was once happy, destabilizing him and making him more likely to confess. 3. What does the epilogue scene at the boat launch suggest about the relationship between place and grief? The epilogue suggests that places can hold grief but also allow it to transform. Drew returns to the boat launch on Lola's birthday, unable to light the cupcake he bought. Madison helps him, and then Autumn and Max join them. The place that was once private and painful becomes communal and healing. The boat launch doesn't lose its connection to Lola—it becomes a place where Drew can remember her with others instead of alone. The scene suggests that grief is not something to be overcome but something to be shared. 4. How does the boat launch function differently for Drew versus the townspeople? For the townspeople, the boat launch is a staging ground: a place to organize a search, a place to gather information, a place to judge Drew. For Drew, it's deeply personal—the place where he and Lola used to park, where he broke up with her, where his life fell apart. The search party scene makes this contrast explicit: the volunteers see the boat launch as a practical location for a grim task, while Drew sees it as the site of his private tragedy. The town's suspicion of Drew at the boat launch—the hostile stares, the old woman flipping him off—shows how the same place can hold completely different meanings for different people.