Chapter 29: The Official Asshole Rating Scale

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Campbell Bishop and Hazel Hart have just had sex on her new couch. As they snack and watch television, Campbell insists he is not looking for a relationship. Hazel readily agrees, ticking off his flaws and stating she also wants nothing more than a physical arrangement. They decide to continue having casual sex while keeping it secret from family and the gossipy town. After setting ground rules about public behavior, they make sandwiches. Zoey shows up unannounced, and Hazel hides Campbell in a closet. Zoey shares good news about a publication opportunity. Later, Felicity sends a text revealing she saw Campbell in his underwear leaving Hazel’s house, threatening the secrecy.

Key Events

Campbell and Hazel have sex on the new couch, after which Campbell feels physically satisfied but mentally restless.
Campbell initiates a conversation to clarify that he does not want a relationship.
Hazel agrees, listing Campbell’s poor communication and moodiness as reasons he is not relationship material.
They formalize a friends-with-benefits arrangement and agree to keep it a secret.
They negotiate rules: no lingering looks, no staring at each other’s bodies in public, and Hazel must not walk around braless when Campbell’s brothers are present.
Campbell admits he told his brothers about their earlier kiss, causing Hazel frustration.
Zoey arrives unexpectedly. Hazel hides Campbell in a hallway closet.
Zoey announces she has secured a small publication opportunity for Hazel.
The chapter ends with a text from Felicity, who saw Campbell in his underwear slipping out of Hazel’s house, implying gossip will spread.

Character Development

Campbell Bishop: Shows vulnerability and emotional conflict. Despite insisting he wants no strings, he feels “restless” and uneasy after Hazel agrees. His need to clarify the arrangement reveals insecurity. He also demonstrates protectiveness (asking Hazel not to walk around braless around his brothers) but struggles to communicate his true feelings.
Hazel Hart: Pragmatic and self-aware. She is clear about her own desires and does not seek a relationship. She takes control of the secrecy conversation and sets logical boundaries. Her quick thinking (hiding Campbell) shows she values her reputation and her work.
Zoey: Appears as a supportive friend who brings career opportunities. Her innocent visit creates comic tension and tests the new secrecy pact.
Felicity: A minor character who embodies small-town gossip. Her text indicates that secrets in Story Lake are nearly impossible to keep.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

The Official Asshole Rating Scale (the chapter’s title) acts as a motif for Campbell’s self-awareness. He knows his behavior (demanding secrecy after initiating sex) places him on the “asshole” scale, yet he cannot stop the emotional undercurrents.
Secrecy versus gossip: The entire arrangement hinges on hiding the truth, but Felicity’s text foreshadows that secrets will not stay buried in a tight-knit community.
Emotional denial: Both characters claim they want only physical pleasure, yet Campbell’s “heavy chest” and restlessness suggest deeper feelings. This theme sets up future conflict.
The hiding in the closet symbolizes the clandestine, almost childish nature of their arrangement, contrasting with the adult intensity of their physical connection.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter cements the parameters of Campbell and Hazel’s relationship, establishing the central tension between their stated desires and their unspoken emotions. It also introduces the motif of small-town secrecy, which will likely drive future complications. Felicity’s text plants the first seed of exposure, raising the stakes for both characters.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Campbell feel uneasy after Hazel agrees to his terms? Campbell explicitly wanted no relationship, yet Hazel’s easy agreement—and her list of his flaws—stings his ego. His physical restlessness and the “heavy feeling in his chest” indicate that he is not as emotionally detached as he pretends to be. He may be developing feelings he does not want to acknowledge.

2. How does Hazel view the arrangement compared to Campbell? Hazel is more pragmatic and confident. She sees the arrangement as convenient and purely physical, with no romantic expectations. She is unbothered by the secrecy and even jokes about it. Her focus remains on her writing career, as shown by her excitement over the publication opportunity Zoey brings.

3. What potential consequences does the secret arrangement set up for future chapters? Felicity’s text confirms that the secrecy is already compromised. Future chapters may revolve around the fallout of the gossip, especially as Campbell’s brothers and the town learn the truth. The hidden emotional tension between Campbell and Hazel may also bubble up, threatening their neat arrangement.