Chapter 36 Summary and Study Guide
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
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Summary
The chapter opens with Rocky lying awake in the dark, scrolling through her phone. She cannot sleep, and her mind jumps from one distraction to another: halloumi recipes, a root beer pound cake, an alcohol-tracking app, bras, acne medication, CBD suppositories, videos of otters and guilty dogs, Wikipedia pages about Treblinka, prolonged grief disorder, tempeh, and a wikiHow article on divorce. She even imagines living alone, defiantly thinking she would take the family dog, Chicken. The restless scrolling is a clear attempt to avoid something deeper.
The narrative then shifts to earlier that day at the pond. Rocky had screamed, and Nick, from the shore, said he heard her and assumed she had seen a snake. Willa agreed, but nobody spoke while they dried off in the dark, surrounded by gnats. Willa walked ahead, and Nick did not touch Rocky on the way back. He only remarked that the pond carries sound, implying he knew something more had happened.
Back in the bedroom, lying facing each other in the half-dark, Rocky is crying. Willa has driven off to see Callie, and everyone else is asleep—or at least seems to be. Rocky feels an urge to wake everyone and confess everything before they overhear it. Nick then confronts her directly: he asks if she terminated her first pregnancy, and she nods. He asks if she told him it was a miscarriage, and she admits it. He says she pretended to be grief-stricken, but she insists she wasn't pretending. He asks about the second pregnancy, and she confirms it was a real miscarriage.
Nick expresses confusion more than anger. He points out that she couldn't tell him, but she told their daughter, Willa. Rocky sobs and says Willa understands everything. Nick reflects that it's been almost twenty years—a large part of their marriage with a big secret in the middle. Rocky apologizes, says she's ashamed. Nick cups her face and wipes her tears with his thumb. He doesn't yell or rage, which makes Rocky feel stuck hating herself instead of him, and she briefly resents him for that. Nick reminds her that they were in couples therapy, and she had said he didn't know her. He says he didn't know anything. Rocky wants to say that if he had wanted to know, he would have, but instead she says, “I know.” He sees her cracking into fragments and pulls her into his chest, holding her together. She notes that, whether she likes it or not, he still smells like home.
Key Events
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Rocky lies awake at night, scrolling through her phone, unable to sleep, and imagines living alone.
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Flashback to the pond: Rocky screams, Nick hears from shore, Willa suggests a snake, and they walk back in silence without touching.
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In bed, Nick confronts Rocky about terminating her first pregnancy and lying that it was a miscarriage.
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Rocky admits the truth, insists she wasn't pretending grief, and confirms the second pregnancy was a real miscarriage.
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Nick expresses confusion and hurt that she told Willa but not him, and mentions the couples therapy.
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Rocky sobs, apologizes, and expresses shame.
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Nick wipes her tears and holds her, and Rocky reflects that he still smells like home.
Character Development
Rocky is revealed to have carried a heavy secret for nearly two decades. Her nighttime scrolling shows a pattern of avoidance—she distracts herself with trivial and heavy topics alike rather than confronting her guilt. When Nick confronts her, she admits the truth but is overwhelmed by shame and self-hatred. She wants to be truly known, yet she has hidden a fundamental part of her history. Her reaction to Nick's gentleness is complex: she resents him for not being angry, because his kindness forces her to face her own culpability.
Nick emerges as more confused than angry. He is hurt that his wife couldn't trust him with this truth, especially when she had told their daughter. He references their couples therapy, where Rocky had accused him of not knowing her, and he points out that he couldn't know her because she kept this from him. His response is measured and gentle—he wipes her tears and holds her—showing a capacity for forgiveness and a desire to reconnect, even after a major betrayal.
Willa is mentioned as the person Rocky confided in, which adds a layer of complexity to the family dynamics. Rocky believes Willa understands everything, suggesting a closeness between mother and daughter that Nick has been excluded from.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Secrets in Marriage: The central theme is the weight of a long-held secret and its impact on intimacy. Rocky's lie about her miscarriage created a barrier between her and Nick, even as she yearned to be known.
Deception and Shame: Rocky's shame is palpable. She apologizes repeatedly and describes herself as “so ashamed.” Her deception was not malicious but stemmed from fear and perhaps self-protection, yet it has corroded trust.
Avoidance through Distraction: The opening scene of scrolling through her phone is a powerful motif. Rocky uses trivial and even disturbing content (Wikipedia pages about Treblinka, prolonged grief disorder) to avoid her own thoughts. The alcohol-tracking app hints at another layer of avoidance.
Desire to Be Truly Known: Rocky's earlier complaint in couples therapy that Nick didn't know her is now ironic—she kept a major truth from him. The chapter explores the paradox of wanting to be seen while hiding parts of oneself.
Comfort in Familiarity: The final image of Nick smelling like home suggests that despite the rupture, there is a deep, enduring bond. The physical comfort he offers is a counterpoint to the emotional distance created by the secret.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter is a turning point in the novel. It brings a long-buried secret to the surface, forcing Rocky and Nick to confront the foundation of their marriage. The confession is not just about a past event; it reveals patterns of communication, avoidance, and the cost of unspoken truths. The chapter also deepens our understanding of Rocky's inner life—her guilt, her self-hatred, and her desperate need for connection. Nick's reaction, both his confusion and his tenderness, offers a glimmer of hope for reconciliation, while also highlighting the damage that secrets can inflict. The chapter sets up the emotional stakes for the remainder of the story, as the couple must now navigate the aftermath of this revelation.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Rocky scroll through her phone at night, and what does it reveal about her state of mind?
Rocky's scrolling is a form of avoidance. She cannot sleep because her mind is preoccupied with guilt and anxiety. The random, disjointed content—recipes, Wikipedia pages, videos—shows her trying to distract herself from the impending confrontation. The alcohol-tracking app and the divorce article hint at deeper concerns about her habits and her marriage. Her defiant thought about taking the dog if she lived alone reveals a desire for escape, but also a reluctance to fully abandon her life.
2. How does Nick's reaction to Rocky's confession differ from what she might have expected?
Rocky seems to expect anger or rage, but Nick is mostly confused and hurt. He doesn't yell; instead, he asks clarifying questions and expresses his bewilderment that she told Willa but not him. His gentleness—wiping her tears and holding her—is unexpected, and it makes Rocky feel worse because she can't direct her anger at him. This reaction forces her to confront her own shame rather than deflect it.
3. What does the final line about Nick smelling like home signify?
The line signifies that despite the revelation and the emotional distance, Rocky still feels a deep, instinctual connection to Nick. “Home” represents safety, familiarity, and belonging. Even as she acknowledges that she might not like him in that moment, his physical presence and scent provide comfort. It suggests that the bond between them is resilient, and that there is a possibility for healing, even after such a significant betrayal.
Navigation
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Previous chapter: Chapter 35
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Next chapter: Chapter 37