Chapter 12: Ventral Striatum — The Science of Yearning

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Chapter 12 opens with Bee reflecting on how a single tweet has grown into the #FairGraduateAdmissions movement. What began as her criticism of the GRE has attracted attention from major outlets including The Atlantic, CNN, and the Chronicle of Higher Education. She partnered with Shmac on a joint essay, and women and minorities in STEM have organized a GRE strike, encouraging applicants to submit materials without the test. Bee is energized by the momentum, though she's careful to redirect media attention to the women who started the hashtag.

Rocío bursts into the office to announce she'll stop preparing for the GRE in solidarity. She credits the movement not to Bee but to La Llorona, the folkloric figure she believes has been guiding her. She shows Bee photos of creeks where she's been leaving offerings—tarots, poems, twig pentagrams. Bee is relieved Rocío doesn't suspect her secret identity as WWMD, and she muses about whether Dr. Curie also had a hidden identity.

The chapter's emotional center is a late-night text exchange between Bee (as Marie) and Shmac. After some deflection, Shmac confesses he's in love with a married woman. He describes cataloging her quirks—what she eats, what makes her laugh, the freckle on her neck, the curve of her wrist. He admits the feelings are intolerable, that he thinks about her constantly, and that he'd never do anything to make her uncomfortable. Bee is deeply moved, nearly crying for him and for the woman who'll never know how much she's wanted. She also recognizes, for the first time, the price of her own choice to never feel that way again.

The next day, Lamar tells Bee he's updated the server to track file modifications at Levi's request, following the missing-files issue. Bee is unsettled by this news. Levi appears, notices the missing vent grille (which Bee keeps uncovered so Félicette, the cat she insists is real, can get inside), and brings up their upcoming New Orleans trip. But Bee confronts him about calling an engineering meeting without consulting her. Levi argues he's head of engineering and it was his call to make. Bee insists that as co-leaders they should agree before taking action, comparing it to his earlier failure to tell her about NASA's attempt to cancel BLINK. Levi says the situations aren't the same. The argument escalates, but Levi ends it abruptly, saying he'll pick her up at six. His tone is cold and distant—a stark contrast to the warmth of the past five weeks—and Bee is left wondering if he hates her, or if she hates him.

Key Events

The #FairGraduateAdmissions movement gains national media attention, with Bee and Shmac co-authoring an essay
Rocío announces her GRE strike and credits La Llorona for the movement
Shmac confesses his love for a married woman in a vulnerable late-night text exchange
Lamar reveals the server now tracks file modifications at Levi's request
Bee confronts Levi about the engineering meeting, and the argument ends with Levi's cold exit

Character Development

Bee is at her most publicly visible in this chapter, watching her activism take on a life of its own. She shows genuine empathy for Shmac's confession, and his vulnerability forces her to confront her own emotional walls—she realizes the cost of her decision to never feel that deeply again. Her confrontation with Levi also reveals her commitment to co-leadership principles, even when it creates conflict.

Levi asserts his authority as head of engineering, defending his decision to address the missing-files issue with his team. His cold exit—so different from the warmth of the past five weeks—leaves Bee (and the reader) uncertain about where they stand.

Shmac reveals a deeply vulnerable side, confessing feelings he knows are impossible. His description of cataloging the woman's quirks and his admission that the feelings are intolerable humanize him beyond his usual banter.

Rocío doubles down on her superstition, crediting La Llorona for the movement and leaving offerings at nearby creeks.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Yearning and unrequited love. The chapter title, Ventral Striatum: Yearning, points to the brain region associated with reward and desire. Shmac's confession is the chapter's emotional core—a portrait of longing for someone he can't have. Bee's response reveals her own suppressed yearning, and her recognition of what she's given up.

Secret identity and hidden selves. Bee's secret identity as WWMD/Marie is central. Rocío credits La Llorona instead of Bee, and Bee muses about whether Dr. Curie also had a secret identity. Shmac's confession is made to Marie, not Bee—he's confiding in a persona, not the woman he loves.

Trust and transparency in collaboration. The server tracking and the engineering meeting both raise questions about trust. Bee objects to Levi's unilateral decision, arguing that co-leaders should act together. The conflict echoes the earlier NASA/BLINK issue.

Emotional walls and vulnerability. Bee recognizes the price of her emotional walls when she hears Shmac's confession. His openness contrasts with her own guardedness.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is pivotal for several reasons. Shmac's confession is a major emotional reveal—the reader can infer he's describing Bee herself, which reframes his entire relationship with her. Bee's recognition of her own emotional choices sets up her character arc. The conflict with Levi creates tension heading into the New Orleans trip, and the server tracking raises questions about who's responsible for the missing files. The chapter also shows Bee's activism reaching a new level of impact.

Study Questions

1. What does Shmac's confession reveal about his feelings, and what clues suggest who The Girl might be?

Shmac describes being in love with a married woman he works with closely. He catalogs her quirks—what she eats, what makes her laugh, a freckle on her neck, the curve of her wrist. He says she's brilliant, trusts him, and that he'd never do anything to make her uncomfortable. The details—working together on the project, her being married, his intense focus on her physical details—strongly suggest he's describing Bee herself, though Bee doesn't seem to recognize this.

2. Why does Bee object so strongly to Levi's decision to call the engineering meeting?

Bee argues that as co-leaders, they should agree before taking action. She's frustrated that Levi acted unilaterally, comparing it to his earlier failure to tell her about NASA's attempt to cancel BLINK. Levi counters that he's head of engineering and it was his call. The conflict is about more than the meeting itself—it's about trust, transparency, and whether their partnership is truly equal.

3. How does the chapter's title, Ventral Striatum: Yearning, connect to its content?

The ventral striatum is associated with reward, motivation, and desire. The chapter is filled with yearning: Shmac's confession of impossible love, Bee's recognition of her own suppressed feelings, and even the tension between Bee and Levi. The title frames the chapter's emotional landscape—everyone in it is longing for something they can't quite reach.