Symbols I Am Not Jessica Chen Ann Liang

Jessica's Journal: A Symbol of Hidden Struggle in I Am Not Jessica Chen

Introduction

In Ann Liang’s 2025 novel I Am Not Jessica Chen, the locked journal belonging to the seemingly flawless Jessica Chen functions as one of the story’s most potent concrete symbols. At first glance an ordinary object in a teenage girl’s desk, the journal quickly becomes a window into a truth that contradicts the perfect image Jessica projects to the world. Through the eyes of her cousin Jenna Chen, who wakes up in Jessica’s body, readers discover that the journal holds private confessions of guilt, self-loathing, and exhaustion. This article examines what the journal literally is, traces its recurrences, analyzes how its meaning shifts over the course of the book, and connects it to major themes and characters. Four study questions with answers are included for deeper analysis.

What Is Jessica’s Journal?

Literally, Jessica’s journal is a vintage leather-bound book “bound together with a string and rusted key,” discovered by Jenna in a drawer inside Jessica’s bedroom. The pages are worn and yellowed, and the journal is kept locked—a detail that immediately signals private, guarded content. The journal is not a school assignment or a public diary; it is a secret space where Jessica records her unfiltered thoughts, including her reaction to her Harvard acceptance, her frustration with Havenwood Academy, and her confession of plagiarism. The key and the lock emphasize that the real Jessica—the person beneath the awards and compliments—is inaccessible to everyone around her.

Where It Recurs and What It Reveals

The journal appears or is referenced in three key moments:

  1. Chapter 4 (Discovery) – Jenna, exploring Jessica’s room for the first time, finds the journal hidden between folders stuffed with certificates. She resists reading it initially, calling it “different” from the exam papers she’s justified in looking at. The passage marks the first time objects collide: the public trophies of achievement and the private, locked record of the soul.

  2. Chapter 8 (First Reading) – Driven by desperation to understand her situation, Jenna opens the journal. She reads Jessica’s Harvard acceptance entry, which begins with exhilaration—“It happened. It finally happened. I got into Harvard”—but rapidly descends into emptiness: “that’s it? … I don’t have anybody to talk to about it.” Jenna also discovers Jessica’s admission of plagiarism: “I shouldn’t have done it … I have to be perfect.” The journal slips from Jenna’s fingers as she realizes the anonymous threats she received were meant for the real Jessica, not for her.

  3. Chapter 12 (Continued Reading) – Jenna makes a habit of reading the journal nightly. She traces the evolution of Jessica’s tone from giddy early entries (excited about a scholars’ conference) to a flat, angry voice two years prior. An entry reveals that after a harsh exam despite a high fever, Jessica scolds herself in the margins of a test: “Did your brain die while you were writing this? … Remember, remember, REMEMBER.” This self-criticism mirrors the pressure Jessica applies to herself.

The journal recurs as Jenna’s primary source of clues about Jessica’s hidden life and about how to navigate the body swap. It is also a physical object that Jenna handles with guilt—she knows she is violating privacy each time she reads it.

The Shifting Meaning of the Journal

The symbol’s meaning changes as Jenna reads deeper:

  • Mystery and Temptation (Chapter 4) – The journal first represents an enigma. Jenna is “curious” and feels a moral pull not to read it, but her need to understand Jessica’s life overrides her judgment. At this stage, the journal symbolizes the gap between Jenna’s image of Jessica as perfect and the untold story that might be hidden.

  • Revelation of Hidden Pain (Chapter 8) – The journal shatters the façade. Jessica’s words reveal guilt, loneliness, and a sense of being trapped by her own reputation. The entry about Harvard expresses not joy but dread of having to “prove myself all over again.” The plagiarism confession—“I’ve never been a good person”—destroys the “good student, good daughter, good example” mask. Here, the journal becomes a symbol of the psychological cost of perfectionism.

  • Mirror for Jenna’s Own Insecurities (Chapter 12) – By reading Jessica’s harshest self-criticism (the note on the test), Jenna recognizes a pattern she sees in herself. She notes that Jessica’s life is “exponential growth” while her own is “inconsistency.” The journal no longer just reveals Jessica; it forces Jenna to confront her own self-doubt. The object transforms from a key to another person’s secrets into a mirror reflecting shared vulnerability.

  • Catalyst for Emma’s Identity Crisis (Later chapters) – While the journal is not physically present in later chapters, its revelations linger. Jenna’s knowledge of Jessica’s guilt complicates her desire to stay in Jessica’s life. By the time Jenna wishes to return to her own body in Chapter 19, she understands that “being Jessica” is not an escape but a new set of pressures. The memory of the journal pushes her toward self-acceptance.

Character and Theme Connections

The journal connects deeply to multiple characters and themes:

Characters

  • Jessica Chen – The journal is the only place where Jessica drops her curated performance. It shows she experiences impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and a desire for genuine connection. The reader—and Jenna—learn that Jessica is not the untouchable icon Jenna believed her to be.

  • Jenna Chen – Jenna’s relationship with the journal is ambivalent. She uses it to solve the mystery of the body swap and to learn how to act like Jessica, but each reading undermines her envy. The journal forces her to see Jessica as a person rather than a benchmark, helping her move toward identity and comparison resolution.

  • Aaron Cai – Aaron never reads the journal, but his comments about noticing Jenna’s nervous habits (pen shaking) hint that he, too, sees beyond surfaces. The journal’s truths align with his own perception of Jessica as someone who is not as invincible as she seems.

  • Cathy Liu and other anonymous threatener – The sender of the notes “I know what you’ve done” turns out to be referencing Jessica’s plagiarism, which the journal confirms. This external pressure from the school community amplifies the weight of the journal’s contents.

Themes

  • Identity and Comparison – The journal dismantles the binary of “perfect Jessica vs. imperfect Jenna.” Both cousins struggle with self-worth.

  • Impostor Syndrome and Perfectionism – Jessica’s self-scolding (“How could you get this SO wrong?”) and her fear of being found out as a plagiarist embody the relentless pressure to maintain a flawless image.

  • Family Expectations – The journal reveals that Jessica feels she is only loved for her achievements; she is the “opportunity for my parents to brag about me.” This aligns with the novel’s critique of parental pressure.

  • Memory and Erasure – Jenna’s reading of the journal is an act of uncovering a hidden past. The erasure of Jessica’s true self (her exhaustion, her anger) is partially reversed by the journal’s existence.

  • Self-Acceptance – The journal ultimately helps Jenna accept herself. Knowing Jessica’s pain makes Jenna grateful for her own family and less envious. By the end, the journal’s secret becomes a bridge, not a wedge.

Study Questions with Answers

1. Why does Jenna initially hesitate to read Jessica’s journal, and what makes her change her mind?

Answer: Jenna hesitates because she knows reading a personal journal is an invasion of privacy—she says, “You can’t,” and slides it back into the drawer. But she changes her mind when she realizes she has no other way to understand Jessica’s life and to figure out why she woke up in her cousin’s body. Her desperation overcomes her guilt.

2. What does Jessica’s journal reveal about her reaction to getting into Harvard, and how does that contradict her public image?

Answer: Publicly, Jessica announces her acceptance with a happy smile and accepts family praise. The journal, however, records her immediate emptiness after the excitement fades: “the thrill has faded … all I can think is: that’s it?” She also describes feeling exhausted at the idea of having to prove herself again at college. This contradicts the image of a confident, fulfilled success and reveals hidden unhappiness and guilt.

3. How does the journal help Jenna understand her own struggles with comparison and identity?

Answer: Reading Jessica’s self-critical notes on her test papers—where she calls herself incompetent for a half-point error—shows Jenna that Jessica also engages in harsh self-judgment. Jenna contrasts Jessica’s “exponential growth” with her own “inconsistency,” but she eventually sees that both of them suffer from the same perfectionist pressure. The journal becomes a mirror that allows Jenna to stop viewing Jessica as a rival.

4. In what way does the journal’s content foreshadow the later revelation about plagiarism in Chapter 21?

Answer: In Chapter 8, the journal contains an entry where Jessica admits to plagiarizing an essay because her “brain was blank” and she had only one day left. She writes, “I can never just be okay. I have to be perfect.” This directly prepares the reader for the moment in Chapter 21 when Jessica confesses to the plagiarism to her school director, choosing integrity over her Harvard acceptance. The journal thus establishes that Jessica’s “crime” was born from pressure, not malice, making her later growth understandable.

Conclusion

Jessica’s journal in I Am Not Jessica Chen is far more than a plot device—it is a carefully crafted symbol of the hidden emotional reality behind a public mask. From its first appearance in Chapter 4 to its profound revelations across Chapters 8 and 12, the journal breaks down the wall between Jenna’s admiration and Jessica’s pain. It recurs at moments when identity is most unstable, and its meaning evolves from mystery to confession to shared vulnerability. By linking to themes of identity, perfectionism, family expectations, and self-acceptance, the journal serves as a touchstone for the novel’s central argument: that true worth lies not in flawless performance, but in the courage to be honest with oneself and others.