Chapter 37 Summary: Vaughn’s Hospital Confession

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Key Events

Vaughn runs away from home for the first time, using a fake ID to fly to Chicago. He is driven by the need to see Yulian, who is hospitalized after being shot.
He disguises himself in a doctor’s coat, mask, and glasses to bypass hospital security and reaches Yulian’s private room.
Vaughn finds Yulian pale and unconscious, still not awake two days after surgery. He sits beside him and takes Yulian’s hand, surprised by the warmth and his own unwillingness to let go.
He recalls the kiss Yulian gave him in the cave – a soft, hesitant press of lips that Vaughn pretended not to notice.
In the hospital, Vaughn leans in and kisses Yulian’s lips, first lightly, then more deeply. The kiss triggers an overwhelming physical and emotional reaction, making him feel both terrified and hungry for more.
Yulian’s mother enters and catches Vaughn kissing her unconscious son. She demands he step away.
She reveals that Yulian talked about Vaughn constantly during camp, implying a crush. She tells Vaughn that being together is impossible because Yulian would be killed for being with a man, and asks Vaughn to stay away as her dying wish.
Vaughn agrees, leaves the room, and resolves to crush his feelings for Yulian, though he feels he left his heart behind.

Character Development

Vaughn: This flashback shows Vaughn’s first experience with real, confusing desire – one that challenges his heterosexual identity. His impulsive journey and his physical need to touch and kiss Yulian reveal a vulnerability he rarely shows. The decision to leave out of fear for Yulian’s safety marks the start of a long repression of his true feelings.
Yulian: Though unconscious, Yulian is characterized through his mother’s words: affectionate, reckless, and desperate for his father’s approval. His habit of “wearing his heart on his sleeve” explains his later intensity.
Yulian’s Mother: A sick, protective woman who recognizes her son’s attachment to Vaughn but prioritizes his survival over his happiness. Her plea frames the central conflict: love versus safety in a dangerous world.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Forbidden Love: Vaughn’s internal conflict and Yulian’s mother’s warning establish that their relationship cannot exist openly. The danger is not just social but potentially fatal.
The Bullet as a Token: Vaughn keeps the bullet he removed from Yulian’s body. It symbolizes both the life saved and the bond forged in crisis – a physical link to the cave and the intimacy that developed there.
The Kiss as a Threshold: Vaughn’s kiss, which he initiates while Yulian is unconscious, represents a boundary crossed. It is both a confession and a violation; the fact that Yulian cannot respond underscores the one-sidedness of Vaughn’s revelation at this point.
Identity and Fear: Vaughn’s panic over his attraction to a man mirrors his broader fear of losing control. The need to “nip it in the bud” shows how fear of the consequences can override genuine emotion.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter provides the emotional foundation for Vaughn and Yulian’s entire dynamic in the main timeline. Vaughn’s flight to Chicago and his confession through a kiss prove that his feelings for Yulian are not new – they have been suppressed for four years. Yulian’s mother’s dying wish that Vaughn stay away explains why Vaughn may have kept his distance, and her words also hint at the homophobic violence that lurks in their world. Understanding this backstory makes Vaughn’s later actions more complex: every decision he makes about Yulian is shadowed by the guilt and shame of this moment.

Study Questions

Why does Vaughn keep the bullet he removed from Yulian, and what does it represent?
Answer: Vaughn keeps the bullet as a tangible reminder that he saved Yulian’s life and as a link to their shared experience in the cave. It symbolizes the bond forged through survival and his later inability to let go of Yulian.
What does Vaughn’s self-directed whisper – “What the hell have you done to me, Yulian?” – reveal about his emotional state?
Answer: Vaughn is struggling with feelings he cannot rationalize. The question shows confusion, vulnerability, and the beginning of an attachment that frightens him because it challenges his sense of identity and control.
Why does Yulian’s mother ask Vaughn to stay away, and is her reasoning justified?
Answer: She believes Vaughn’s presence will put Yulian in mortal danger because Yulian’s father and their society would kill him for being with a man. Her plea is rooted in maternal protection, making it both understandable and tragic – she is asking Vaughn to choose Yulian’s life over their love.