Chapter 13: Shame, Confession, and Intimacy in Rome
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
In Rome, a shower malfunction forces Alice and Felix to confront a personal boundary when Alice accidentally sees Felix’s porn search history. The incident triggers a series of escalating arguments and raw confessions. Felix admits to a past sexual encounter with a minor and to having gotten a girl pregnant when he was in school. Alice reveals she bullied a classmate cruelly. They both acknowledge their capacity for harm. The evening deepens their connection: they visit the Colosseum, Felix shows Alice a funny raccoon video, and a conversation about sexual fantasies leads to a tender, consensual sexual encounter. The chapter closes with Alice falling asleep instantly, while Felix remains awake, watching her.
Key Events
- Alice cannot turn off the shower and asks Felix for help.
- While Felix examines the shower unit, Alice opens his phone browser to search a make/model and sees a porn site with “rough anal” thumbnails.
- Alice hands the phone back without comment; Felix flushes with embarrassment and later fixes the shower.
- After Felix returns from a walk, Alice admits she was disturbed by what she saw.
- Felix confesses he once had sex with a sixteen- or seventeen-year-old girl and later got a schoolgirl pregnant.
- Alice shares that she bullied a girl in school.
- They reconcile, acknowledging they are both “bad people.”
- That evening, Alice dines with booksellers; Felix eats alone; they later meet and walk to the Colosseum.
- Back at the apartment, Felix shows Alice a video of a raccoon eating cherries, which she finds hilarious.
- They discuss sexual fantasies; Alice admits she sometimes imagines Felix being “very, very nice” to her.
- Felix enters her room late at night; they have an emotionally charged, physically intimate conversation.
- They have sex; Alice falls asleep immediately; Felix lies awake, watching her.
Character Development
Alice: Initially defensive and superior, Alice lowers her guard after hearing Felix’s confessions. She admits her own past cruelty, showing a capacity for self-reflection. Her vulnerability grows as she shares her sexual fantasies and allows herself to be physically intimate despite years of abstinence. The encounter leaves her instantly asleep—a sign of trust and release.
Felix: Felix moves from embarrassment to raw honesty. By confessing his worst actions—sex with a minor and a teenage pregnancy—he reveals a deep-seated shame and a desire for absolution. His tenderness in the bedroom, contrasting with his earlier defensiveness, shows his emotional range. The “raccoon video” illustrates his playful side and his effort to connect on Alice’s terms.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Shame and Confession: The chapter centers on the mutual exposure of shaming secrets. Felix’s porn history and sexual history are balanced by Alice’s bullying confession. Both characters use confession as a path to intimacy.
Power and Vulnerability: The search-history incident reverses power dynamics: Alice’s wealth and status are irrelevant; Felix’s past actions make him the one seeking forgiveness. Their discussion about fantasies inverts traditional gender roles of pursuit and submission.
Male Gaze and Embodiment: The violent porn thumbnails (women crying, smeared makeup) raise questions about the male gaze and sexual violence. Felix’s defense (“I don’t think you really care about those women”) challenges Alice’s judgment, while the eventual sexual encounter is gentle and consensual, contrasting with the earlier imagery.
The Colosseum: Described as “skeletal and desiccated, like the dried remains of an ancient insect,” the ruin symbolizes the decay of past brutality—both in ancient Rome and in the characters’ own histories. Visiting it together suggests a shared confrontation with the past.
Communication as Intimacy: The chapter’s most intimate moment is not the sex but the talk beforehand. Felix asks about Alice’s fantasies; she shares her wish to be desired. Their conversation about “what you think about when you come” bridges emotional and physical closeness.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter is a turning point for Alice and Felix’s relationship. The superficial tension of earlier chapters gives way to genuine vulnerability. Rooney uses the shower incident as a catalyst for a deeper moral reckoning, forcing both characters to examine their own capacity for harm. The confession sequence echoes the novel’s broader concerns with accountability, redemption, and the difficulty of truly knowing another person. By the end, the pair have moved from strangers orbiting one another to lovers who have seen each other’s ugliest sides—and chosen to stay. The chapter also thematically pairs with the novel’s title: the “beautiful world” is one in which flawed people can still find tenderness.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Alice react so strongly to Felix’s porn search history, and what does this reveal about her character? Alice is disturbed by the violent content (“rough anal,” women crying). Her reaction stems from her own feminist principles and past experiences of feeling objectified. It also reveals a moral rigidity that she later softens after confessing her own bullying. The incident forces Alice to confront the gap between her ideals and her attraction to someone whose sexuality includes such imagery.
2. How do Felix’s confessions about his past change the power dynamic between him and Alice? Initially, Alice judges Felix from a position of relative moral superiority. Felix’s confessions—especially about the pregnant schoolgirl—level the field. By admitting to a very serious wrongdoing, he shows vulnerability and removes the pedestal Alice had placed herself on. His confession that he feels “scared” and “evil” evokes sympathy. Alice responds by sharing her own guilt, signaling that the relationship can now proceed with mutual awareness of human flaw.
3. What is the significance of the raccoon video in the context of the chapter’s emotional arc? The video is a deliberate contrast to the earlier pornographic images. It is innocent, silly, and cute—designed to make Alice laugh. Felix’s choice to show it demonstrates his effort to please her on her terms, moving beyond the earlier conflict. The video also acts as a bridge into the later conversation about fantasies, because it breaks the tension and re-establishes playful intimacy. The racoon’s anthropomorphised enjoyment of cherries mirrors the characters’ own desire for uncomplicated pleasure.