Ugly Love Chapter 35: A Turning Point in Miles's Past

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Six years before the present story, Miles and Rachel return to their parents’ home after the loss of their baby. For three weeks, Miles holds Rachel every night, apologises, and they both weep. Rachel’s tears eventually stop, and one evening she initiates sex. Miles is hesitant, worried she is not ready, but she urges him to continue. During the act, Rachel cries again and tells him to “finish.” Afterwards, Miles finds a letter from Rachel explaining that she and her mother are moving to Phoenix. She writes that she cannot stay because every time she looks at Miles she sees their dead child. The pain is unbearable. Miles reacts with devastation. His internal monologue contrasts the beautiful side of love with its ugliness. He concludes that love’s ugliness is too heavy and consuming, and he vows never to fall in love again.

Key Events

• Miles and Rachel live with their parents for three weeks after the baby’s death.
• Rachel’s emotional state shifts from constant crying to numb silence.
• Rachel initiates sex for the first time since the tragedy.
• Miles notices her tears and her choice of words (“finish”) but continues.
• Rachel writes a farewell letter, saying she and her mother are leaving for Phoenix.
• The letter reveals that Rachel sees the lost child in Miles and cannot escape the pain.
• Miles reads the letter and experiences a profound rejection.
• Miles reflects on love’s dual nature – beauty and atrocity – and decides to avoid love entirely.

Character Development

Miles — This chapter exposes the origin of Miles’s emotional walls. Before this event, he believed in love’s beauty. The loss of his child and Rachel’s departure shatter that belief. His vow to never love again is a direct consequence of this trauma. He internalises guilt over the baby’s death, as shown by his repeated apologies and Rachel’s silence about forgiveness. Miles’s character is defined by this moment: the inability to separate himself from the tragedy, and the resulting fear of emotional vulnerability.

Rachel — Rachel is portrayed as a grieving mother whose pain is inseparable from Miles’s presence. Her decision to leave is not out of anger but out of self-preservation. She cannot heal while surrounded by reminders of the baby. Her letter is a painful admission that love has become unbearable. She is a victim of circumstance, caught between her own grief and the impossibility of looking at Miles without remembering their loss.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Grief and Guilt — The chapter is saturated with unresolved grief. Miles’s nightly apologies indicate that he blames himself for the child’s death, though the exact circumstances are not detailed. Rachel’s refusal to forgive or blame him suggests the guilt is internalised but unspoken. Grief manifests physically: Rachel’s dry eyes frighten Miles more than her tears.

Love’s Duality — Miles’s meditation on love’s beauty versus its atrocity is the thematic core. He describes beauty as a force that lifts people above the world’s ugliness, while atrocity drags them down and drowns them. The chapter ends with his decision that no form of love is worth the risk of the ugly side.

The Letter as Symbol — The letter is a physical representation of abandonment and the finality of loss. It also mirrors the emotional distance that will define Miles’s future relationships. It is not a confrontation but a quiet exit, leaving Miles with unanswered questions and unresolved pain.

Water Imagery — Miles uses the verb “tomber” (fall) and then drowns in love’s atrocity. The imagery of sinking and drowning recurs, linking to the novel’s title Ugly Love and the idea that love can be a destructive force.

Why This Chapter Matters

This is the emotional linchpin of Miles’s entire arc. Without this flashback, his rigid relationship rules with Tate would seem arbitrary. Here readers see exactly why Miles is terrified of emotional intimacy and commitment. Rachel’s departure does not simply break his heart; it fundamentally alters his worldview. The chapter also deepens the tragedy by showing that Miles’s coldness is a protective mechanism born from real, devastating loss. It sets up the central conflict of the novel: can Miles heal enough to let love in again? This chapter makes his journey toward Tate both more poignant and more fraught.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Rachel initiate sex in this chapter, and what does her behaviour during the act reveal about her emotional state?
Rachel may be trying to reconnect with Miles or to reclaim a sense of normalcy, but her tears and her command to “finish” show that the act is not about love or healing. She is going through motions, possibly as a final attempt before leaving, or as a way to numb herself. It reveals that she cannot separate intimacy from grief.

2. How does Miles’s interpretation of Rachel’s letter shape his future relationships?
He sees the letter as proof that love inevitably leads to unbearable pain. He internalises the idea that he is the cause of the tragedy – “Miles les déchire” (Miles tears them apart) – and vows never to love again. This belief becomes the foundation of his arrangement with Tate: physical intimacy without emotional investment.

3. What is the significance of the contrast between love’s “beauty” and “atrocity” in this chapter?
Miles uses the contrast to justify his withdrawal from love. The beauty of love, he argues, is fleeting and light, while the ugliness is heavy and permanent. By framing love as a gamble with catastrophic stakes, he rationalises his choice to avoid it. This theme echoes throughout the novel, especially in his reluctance to commit to Tate.

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