Chapter 86 Summary: A Turning Point at the Gate
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens at Gate 9 in the Anchorage airport, where the narrator and Korgy wait for their flight to Hawaii. Korgy points out that the airline offers spam musubi, then goes to buy snacks, returning with dried fruit, nuts, protein bars, and teriyaki seaweed. He persuades the narrator to try the protein bar, which she finds decent. They play Wordle, Connections, and Spelling Bee to pass the time. When boarding begins with military personnel and other priority groups, the narrator tells Korgy she needs to use the restroom. She takes her suitcase to touch up makeup but finds the sink dirty and instead just looks at herself in the mirror. Korgy texts updates: Group B, then C, urging her to hurry so they don't lose overhead bin space. She uses the toilet, washes her hands slowly, and lingers over the pink soap. When Korgy texts that Group D is boarding and bags may be checked, she tries to reply but finds her body frozen. Rather than override her instincts, she thanks her heart for its wisdom. She leaves the restroom, rolls her suitcase toward the airport exit, passing shops and restaurants without looking back.
Key Events
- Korgy points out the spam musubi on the flight menu and buys healthy snacks for both of them.
- The narrator and Korgy play word games while waiting to board.
- The narrator uses the restroom, where she ignores her makeup and instead examines her reflection.
- Korgy sends a series of texts urging her to return quickly for boarding.
- The narrator's body freezes, preventing her from replying.
- She consciously chooses to honor her body's instinct rather than suppress it.
- She walks away from the gate and toward the airport exit, abandoning the flight.
Character Development
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The narrator (Jennette McCurdy): This chapter marks a pivotal shift. Previously, she often suppressed her own needs to please others—especially older men like Korgy. Here, she recognizes that her body's instincts are "wise" and "appropriate." Her decision to walk away from the gate, ignoring Korgy's pleas, demonstrates a new capacity for self-trust and boundary-setting. The physical act of leaving the airport symbolizes her refusal to continue a relationship or journey that feels wrong.
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Korgy: He remains offstage, seen only through his texts. His messages start playful ("Come on, baby. We're goin' to Hawaii!") but become impatient ("Hurry up so we don't lose the cabin space"). He represents the external pressure to conform, to go along with plans, and to prioritize someone else's timeline over her own.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Instinct over obedience: The chapter's central theme is the narrator's choice to listen to her body's freezing response rather than override it to satisfy Korgy. The freeze is not weakness but wisdom.
- Airport as liminal space: The airport terminal is a threshold between departure and arrival, between the known and the unknown. By walking toward the exit, the narrator rejects the expected path (to Hawaii with Korgy) and chooses uncertainty.
- The restroom as sanctuary: The dirty sink prevents her from applying makeup, stripping away performance. The pink soap ("this soap is family") evokes nostalgia and comfort, grounding her before she makes a life-altering decision.
- Text pings as pressure: The increasing frequency of Korgy's texts creates a countdown, mirroring the narrator's rising internal conflict.
Why This Chapter Matters
Chapter 86 is a turning point in the memoir. The narrator's choice to not board the flight crystallizes her growing awareness that her relationship with Korgy—and the pattern of dating older, controlling men—is unsustainable. This moment of bodily rebellion sets the stage for her eventual liberation. It also illustrates a key psychological insight: sometimes the body knows what the mind refuses to acknowledge. The chapter's quiet, real-time narrative—unfolding over a few minutes in an airport restroom—makes the decision feel both spontaneous and inevitable.
Study Questions and Answers
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Question: What does the narrator's attention to the pink soap reveal about her state of mind?
Answer: The soap's bubblegum and baby powder scent reminds her of comfort and family. By taking time to lather and sniff it, she resists hurrying back to Korgy, allowing herself a moment of calm. This small act signals her subconscious refusal to rush into a future she is not ready for. -
Question: Why does the narrator thank her heart instead of forcing herself to reply to Korgy?
Answer: She has spent much of the memoir suppressing her own feelings to please others. For the first time, she recognizes that her body's freeze response is not a flaw but a protective signal. Thanking her heart affirms that her instincts are "appropriate and reasonable," giving herself permission to act on them. -
Question: How does the setting of the airport contribute to the chapter's meaning?
Answer: Airports are transient spaces where people pass through on their way to somewhere else. The narrator's decision to exit rather than board represents a rejection of the expected journey. The gate number, boarding groups, and long lines all emphasize the mechanical, social pressure to keep moving. Walking away breaks that machine.